All comics by HCRoyall

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Why did my parents have to die in that horrible car accident?
Because God hates you.
by HCRoyall, 9-15-05

 

by HCRoyall
9-15-05
I'm telling you, I can't stand this job. I'd quit if I could find something better. The customers...
I told you to get a job back here in the kitchen.
Welcome to Woppy Burger, home of the Woppy Burger! How may I help you?
I'd like a Woppy Burger, medium rare, cut into sixths, and a milkshake with no cup.
I fucking hate you.

 

by HCRoyall
9-16-05
I want to speak to your manager!
The manager's off today. I'm the assistant manager.
Then I demand you fire yourself at once!
You're a special kind of retarded, aren't you sir?

 

by HCRoyall
9-16-05
Welcome to Woppy Burger, where all the burgers are made Woppy Fresh with Woppy love. How can I help you?
I'm the Health Inspector. I just need to look around if you don't mind.
O thank GOD!!!
Excuse me?
Let me put it this way: it would be in the interest of EVERYONE'S health if you made it so I don't have to work here any more.

 

by HCRoyall
9-16-05
I swear, I can't take this job anymore, man! I'm about ready to quit even if it does mean being unemployed for a while.
I hear you, man. Whoa, there's the boss; he looks pissed...
It seems Head Office has been getting complaints about your less than Woppy attitude. They only had one thing to say about that, kid...
I'm fired? Please tell me I'm fired!
Actually, they're making you a manager and upping your hours.
You're doing this to torment me, aren't you?

 

by HCRoyall
9-17-05
Great Hazunda! How can I get the girl of my dreams to notice me?
VISIT HER AT WORK AND PUNCH HER IN THE FACE.
No, I mean how can I get her to hook up with me?
GET HER DRUNK. BARRING THAT, ROOFIES.
No, I'm talking about something a little longer lasting than date-rape...
BRING HER COFFEE EVERY MORNING JUST THE WAY SHE LIKES IT, BUT SPIKE THE SUGAR WITH COCAINE.

 

by HCRoyall
9-17-05
You got a letter. "Dear Hazunda, Why does everything taste like chicken?"
BECAUSE I LIKE IT THAT WAY.
That's it?
WHAT? YOU WERE EXPECTING SOMETHING DEEP AND MEANINGFUL?

 

by HCRoyall
9-17-05
"Dear Hazunda, If you're the god of Boiled Chicken, does that mean Fried Chicken is heresy to you? If so, does that mean you hate black people?"
Well?
I'M THINKING.

 

by HCRoyall
9-17-05
Hey, Hazunda. What's the secret to a successful marriage?
AS A HUSBAND, THE ONLY THING YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WRONG.
WHAT? IT'S TRUE.

 

by HCRoyall
9-17-05
Hazunda, what's the best place to hide the body of a hooker you killed while in a drug induced haze?
THE POLICE CHIEF'S BACK YARD.
No, seriously...
DO IT IN IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, TOO.

 

...you label yourself a food you despise...
Bacon is gross!
by HCRoyall, 9-20-05

 

...staplers laugh at you behind your back...
by HCRoyall, 9-20-05

 

Some people would say I'm gross or crazy, but I consider dandruff sculptures to be an art all to themselves.
by HCRoyall, 9-20-05

 

"Don't shoot the messenger"? What the hell kind of policy is that?!
by HCRoyall, 9-20-05

 

by HCRoyall
9-20-05
Sergeant? The Sergeant Major sent me over to get some people to help set up for the promotion ceremony this morning.
WHAT?!
Who do you think you are, coming over here taking my people to run your errands? I've got missions to complete and paperwork to process blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Thank God I've got a deadline, or I'd have to sit here all day and night.
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

 

by HCRoyall
9-20-05
Just a heads up to new members at Stripcreator...
Attitude is everything, you know.
If someone says your comics suck, it's not because we're mean, it's because they really suck.
If you produce anything decent, we'll let you know.
Take criticism as criticism of your work and not as insults. If you don't follow this advice, you deserve what's coming to you.
So in summary: If you come here and act like a cunt, you're going to get fucked.

 

..your tolerance is so high the only way you'll get a kick with a drink is if you ask the bartender to plant his foot in your groin...
by HCRoyall, 9-21-05

 

by HCRoyall
9-21-05
This Finkleman guy. I need you to...
Beat down Finkleman. Got it.
No, I need you to make sure...
Make sure he'll never walk again; yeah, I understood the first time. Mission from God.
That's not what I'm telling you to...
Oh, I get it now. "You had nothing to do with it." Got it.

 

by HCRoyall
9-21-05
"Dear Hazunda, My family is poor, and unless my parents can find jobs, we will all surely starve this coming winter. Can you do anything to help?"
YES.
Well?
I SAID I COULD HELP. I NEVER SAID I ACTUALLY WOULD.

 

by HCRoyall
9-22-05
One day at the ranch...
... so then I said "Those rotor turbines aren't going to generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha ha!
So I had to go in for a prostate exam last Tuesday...
This conversation is over.

 

by HCRoyall
9-22-05
Look, Ganesh. I know we're best buds...
...and I know I said you could stay here until you could create your own place, and I know I said you could have some of my people worship you to help you get back on your feet...
... but what's with this "cows are sacred" shit?

 

by HCRoyall
9-23-05
*burp*
AAAAAGH! MANDINGOS ATE MY BABY!

 

by HCRoyall
9-23-05
Take these commandments to my people Moses!
Can I take them down five at a time? They're kind of heavy...
Dammit! Take them and get going!
All right, all right!
Phew! Note to self: Burning Bush is a no-go for future appearances.

 

by HCRoyall
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
So I'm going to be the Catcher for a while then?

 

by HCRoyall
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
This is when you offer to give me oral compensation.
I'm on the gum.

 

by HCRoyall
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Well?
HAZUNDA DOES NOT RECOGNIZE VOWS OF CELIBACY AS TRUE FAITH.

 

by HCRoyall
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
You hit the part of your brain that controls your sex drive, didn't you?

 

by HCRoyall
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Oh come on! Just because I lied about the last eight Lents doesn't mean you have to stay and make sure I really do it!

 

by HCRoyall
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
So I get off on electroshock! That's no excuse for the Power Company to blame me for their transformer exploding!

 

by HCRoyall
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Awww...
I never said YOU had to stop.

 

by HCRoyall
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
I said...
Dude. Level 17. Helloooo!

 

by HCRoyall
9-26-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
That's your cue.

 

by HCRoyall
9-26-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
That's really something I could go without hearing in a public restroom...

 

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
And the Fat Man need never know about our little conversation...
by HCRoyall, 9-26-05

 

by HCRoyall
9-26-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Now where the hell did that sheep go?

 

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
That's nice Billy. Now sit the fuck down and do your work.
by HCRoyall, 9-26-05

 

by HCRoyall
9-26-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
According to this anatomy book, you don't have the right equipment to jerk a yerkin anyway.
But I can still get a city-wide gangbang going, right?

 

by HCRoyall
9-26-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
This young bluefin tuna, however, is not immune to my jerkin' wrath.

 

by HCRoyall
9-26-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Good, because according to this letter from the company doctor, any more jerkin' will cause you to drop dead from testosterone poisoning.
Well that works out well.
But this letter from your general practitioner says if you don't jerk something fierce for a while, you'll die of prostate cancer in a month.
Fuck.

 

by HCRoyall
9-26-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Squawk!
That's your answer for everything!

 

by HCRoyall
9-26-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Which one?

 

by HCRoyall
9-26-05
Look, we both need to clear the air about some things, so let's get everything out in the open.
All right, I'll go first. Right before you got married, me and your wife got drunk and had sex in the supply closet during an office party.
I've been sneaking into the bar every night after closing time for the past two weeks and masturbating into the beer.

 

by HCRoyall
9-27-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
What about the rampant killing?
Baby steps, guy. Baby steps.

 

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Thank you and Good Night!
by HCRoyall, 9-27-05

 

by HCRoyall
9-27-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
I already told you, you aren't getting more sex!

 

by HCRoyall
9-27-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
What's my line again?

 

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Back to fucking coconuts for me, I guess.
by HCRoyall, 9-27-05

 

by HCRoyall
9-29-05
Being Santa's helper isn't a bad job, especially at manager level. Sometimes I even get to ride in the sleigh with him.
I like riding in the sleigh. Except when he makes me climb in the back seat and close my eyes. I usually black out; and when I wake up my as is sore and...
Ok, that was just wrong!

 

by HCRoyall
9-29-05
...so then I started donkey punching her while I rammed in from behind without any lube, then pulled out and spooged on her face. Then I made her lick me clean before I untied her.
Lewl. What did you do then?
I helped her clean herself off and drove her home, then thanked her for the lovely evening.
Ok, that was just wrong!

 

That Hard Cock is fit for a royal concubine! ;)
Hmmm...
by HCRoyall, 9-29-05

Showing page 9.

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