All comics by Injokester

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by Injokester
4-18-06
It's amazing how much trouble you can avoid when your father's the president of the United States.
Or when you've got photos of your father having sex with the president of the United States.

 

by Injokester
4-19-06
I think it's time to upgrade to a fancy new blender!
'Cos I'm getting pretty sick of pooping out fingers.

 

by Injokester
4-19-06
Well the judge gave me a bit of a serve and banned me from the racetrack.
I guess I won't be able to make any more "centaurs".

 

by Injokester
4-19-06
I pulled a prank on my girlfriend. I came home early, turned off all the lights and hid behind the door.
When she came in I jumped out and screamed! Dang it was it funny!
Anyways, that's how the fetus stains got on the carpet.

 

by Injokester
4-19-06
I love living in Australia.
Though I hate when Americans ask the stupid question "but how do they keep from falling off the earth?"
Hello! Velcro boots!

 

by Injokester
4-19-06
My psychiatrist died, so I had to get a new one.
I thought I'd try a child psychologist, in the hope that they'd let me play with a ball during the session.
So far we've discovered that I like poopies.

 

by Injokester
4-20-06
I almost beat my cat in a staring contest today.
I would have won if a fly hadn't landed on my eyeball.

 

by Injokester
4-20-06
Man, Jessica Alba is hot. I'd do her in a heartbeat.
Which is about how long it usually takes me.

 

by Injokester
4-21-06
Stupid airline.
First they have the worst food ever made,
Then they tell me off for licking the hostess.

 

by Injokester
4-21-06
How could I be so stupid.
First poo on the flag,
Then set it on fire.

 

by Injokester
4-21-06
Dang my mom's fat.
She's so fat,
She's got more chins than Queen's 'The Miracle'.

 

by Injokester
4-21-06
I've decided to take a cartography course.
Maybe then I can keep track of where I bury my pets if I want to dig them up for a visit.

 

by Injokester
4-21-06
If there's one thing I love more than fishing, it's fishing with dynamite!
Although, the restaurant made me pay for all the lobsters.

 

by Injokester
4-21-06
I love going fishing. There's nothing like being out on a boat with a friend as the sun rises.
Especially when you pull out a chainsaw and start cutting up the boat and they're all like "AAARGH!"
It's funny.

 

by Injokester
4-21-06
In
Joke
Stir

 

by Injokester
4-21-06
The aliens came last night. I wasn't gonna stand for that, so I hit this little guy in the head with a lamp.
I think I broke him. He's just been standing there since.
I've decided to keep him.

 

by Injokester
4-21-06
I can't decide whether to turn the alien over to the government, or sell him to the tabloids.
Or on craigslist to a fetishist.
Either way, I'm naming him Steve.

 

by Injokester
4-21-06
I went to check out Steve's plumbing today and found he'd evacuated his bowels.
It was lumpy and looked like mashed peas and corn.
It still tasted like poo.

 

by Injokester
4-21-06
I discovered today that Steve has gills.
I was getting worried, since my cock won't fit in his nose slots.
And I'm terrified of the teeth in his anus.

 

by Injokester
4-22-06
I struggled for a long time on whether to give Steve to the government.
Or sell him to the tabloids.
Instead I've decided he'll be boots.

 

by Injokester
4-22-06
I love minigolf. I find doing the math involved really stimulates my brain.
Takes some serious calculations to smuggle a concrete elephant over the fence.

 

by Injokester
4-22-06
Okay New Steve, today we're going to hang out, you magnificent concrete bastard.
Tomorrow I rebuild the wall I knocked down to get you in here.

 

by Injokester
4-22-06
I like you New Steve. You've taught me so much.
Like when you use a high-power drill to create an artificial butt hole in a concrete statue,
You really have to wait for it to cool before using it.

 

by Injokester
4-23-06
I once got caught in a set of chinese finger cuffs and couldn't get them off.
I'd be danged if I was asking someone for help though, so I gave up on the puzzle and took to them with a steak knife.
So anyways, that's how I was circumcised.

 

by Injokester
4-23-06
Sometimes I wish you were a real elephant New Steve.
You'd give a heck of a reach-around.

 

by Injokester
4-23-06
Today I decided to forsake the life I have, shed the shackles of clothing and take up an agrarian existence.
The grocer yelled a lot.

 

by Injokester
4-23-06
So I got fired from the winery.
I just didn't feel comfortable stomping on grapes with my bare feet.
But apparently dragging my ass across them like a dog on carpet isn't good for the flavour.

 

by Injokester
4-24-06
I had a theory that when I made my 2000th comic the world would end.
I guess it's not going t

 

by Injokester
4-24-06
Dang fusebox.

 

by Injokester
4-24-06
Well the world didn't end.
I did stumble around aimlessly in the dark for two hours though, trying to find the fusebox.
Now I just need to figure out where I took that poo.

 

by Injokester
4-24-06
Dang it.
Next time I try to get a payout by putting a mouse in my food,
I'll have to remember to do it somewhere that's never seen me out back eating mice before.

 

by Injokester
4-24-06
I'd love to live on a farm.
I've always wanted to collect eggs and milk cows and stuff.
I don't think the stuff I did with that pregnant hooker counts.

 

by Injokester
4-24-06
I had someone name a kid after me yesterday. I was quite flattered.
Man Violating a Horse will be the envy of the reservation.

 

by Injokester
4-24-06
Well they quoted $800 to clean out my chimney.
I guess I should stop cramming dead hookers up there.

 

by Injokester
4-25-06
An internet friend just sent me a package from overseas, so now I've gotta send something back.
I'm thinking something uniquely Australian.
Maybe a koala fetus.

 

by Injokester
4-25-06
This is just AWESOME! Today I hooked up with a medical research group that buys corpses under the table.
Unfortunately they have to be intact, or I'd have made a fortune with what I've got lying around the house.

 

by Injokester
4-25-06
The mad scientist guy from the research centre really creeps me out. I don't know what it is.
Come to think of it, it's probably the way he tests the dead hookers for freshness by licking them a little.

 

by Injokester
4-25-06
So a bunch of reanimated franken-hookers showed up at my house today wanting my blood.
I called the medical research centre to complain about it.
I scored a sweet 25% discount voucher for having my head cryogenically frozen.

 

by Injokester
4-25-06
I'm really excited about this cryogenic freezing prospect.
They'll keep my head alive until science advances far enough to attach it to a new body.
They say a pig is the most likely chance, but I'm thinking of holding out until I can get me one of those giant squid bodies!

 

by Injokester
4-25-06
There's just something about wet concrete that makes me want to write my name in it.
But of course then they'd know who put the hooker in there.

 

by Injokester
4-26-06
I went down to the funeral home today to make preparations for my eventual funeral. It was disappointing.
They said they can hook me up with a pyramid,
But apparently having slaves buried alive contravenes health & safety.

 

by Injokester
4-26-06
I've given up on the pyramid idea. I've decided to go with a viking funeral.
Not the pansy version with a raft, either.
The hardcore rotting on a battlefield while buzzards peck at your flesh version.

 

by Injokester
4-26-06
Stupid norse gods. They wouldn't let me into Valhalla.
Wrong shoes.

 

by Injokester
4-26-06
My cat died today, so I decided to send her off with a viking funeral.
The people in the aqua aerobics class were furious.

 

by Injokester
4-26-06
Stupid judge. I got in a ton of trouble for stealing soap from a hotel.
Oh, and a sink.

 

by Injokester
4-26-06
I love having a priest in my home.
Taxidermy wasn't cheap though.

 

by Injokester
4-26-06
Day 842.
Merry Christmas.
It took a lot of wanking to make this guy, but it was worth it to feel human again.

 

by Injokester
4-26-06
Y'know, I've been thinking lately that maybe I'm not the righteous hand of God, but just some nutcase.
Hmmm.
This reminds me of the Wikitikimali tribe of Mozambique.
Why? What did they do?
Killed hookers.

 

by Injokester
4-26-06
Cap'n! A ship!
Ahoy matey! Do my ears deceive me? Are we really bein' rescued?
No Cap'n. April fools.
Yarr.
And here I was hoping to bed something 'sides a seagull.

 

by Injokester
4-27-06
Yarrr. Poor peg-leg Pete.
That was one monster of a shark.
I haven't seen blood like that since I fisted a wench with the wrong hand by mistake.

Showing page 9.

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