All comics by Injokester

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by Injokester
7-06-04
Do McDonalds french fries count as a vegetable?
No.
What about the potato they cover in apple sauce to make the apple pies?
No, it's artificial potato.
Does anything from McDonald's count as a vegetable?
Only if it's wearing a uniform.

 

by Injokester
7-11-04
I think we should divorce, we're just too different. I say "Tomato," you say "Tomada."
Toh-mah-TOE, with a "T", the way it's SPELT, you ignorant sack of fecal matter!

 

by Injokester
7-12-04
Welcome to Starbucks, may I take your order?
I require a large Potion of Sleep Resistance.
Up all night playing Everquest again?
Silence infidel, or there will be smiting!
Doesn't your girlfriend get annoyed with you?
The Female NPC? It left some time ago. It bothers me not, its account had 2 months left on it, and I've got the password.

 

by Injokester
8-02-04
MMMMMMMM AH!
Oh my god, I can't believe you just took a crap in Satan's underwear drawer!
Relax. Satan and I always play practical jokes on eachother. Besides, how could he possibly top this one?
I don't know ... Satan's pretty crafty ...
Some time after...
...and that is how America came to be.

 

by Injokester
8-04-04
The world is my oyster.
It all makes me horny.

 

by Injokester
8-04-04
Is it a bird?!?
Is it a plane?!?
Oh, no wait, I've still got sperm on my glasses.

 

by Injokester
8-04-04
Well, you know what they say, that which doesn't kill us depresses the hell out of us.
And then comes the drinkin'.

 

by Injokester
8-04-04
They say you shouldn't cut off your nose to spite your face.
But to spite your stuck-up wife and force her to sign the divorce papers,
That's style.

 

by Injokester
9-04-04
So how'd your date go?
Terrible.
What? But she's the biggest slut in the office!
Yeah well, she didn't like me.
You wore your "I'm a lousy date, so you might as well slap me and leave before I try and rub up against you until I ejaculate" T-Shirt, didn't you?
It was the only top I could find that I handn't used as a cum rag.

 

by Injokester
9-20-04
"For sale, one labrador golden retriever puppy, excellent temperament,"
"Some re-assembly required."

 

by Injokester
9-20-04
The worst moment of my life? Well I was going down on this girl one time, and all of a sudden maggots started pouring out of her bajingo.
That's disgusting!
And then my wife and kids walked in.
Wow, it can't get much worse than that.
And I didn't stop.

 

by Injokester
9-20-04
Man, that ethnic family left town quick. Have you been leaving burning bags full of poop on their doorstep and running again?
Yes, if by 'doorstep' you mean living-room floor.
And by 'bag' you mean headless goat...
Full of poop.

 

by Injokester
9-23-04
Unlike most men I don't care the slightest bit about cars. They're all the same to me.
To be honest I had absolutely no desire to drive until I had to.
That happened after about 45 minutes of the instructor screaming at me.

 

by Injokester
9-23-04
I've thought about it, and I don't think I could ever do it with a man. What about you?
My girlfriend is pretty hairy, does that count?
Only if she has testicles.
Well her flaps are pretty big, they're all puffy and enlarged.
That's more than I ever wanted to know.
Be thankful you've never seen her running bow-legged to the phone when it rings while she's in the shower.

 

by Injokester
9-23-04
Wow, it must be hell having a girlfriend with flaps that huge.
It's not so bad. She can do some great sensual massage, if you don't mind the smell.
I bought her a toothbrush to scrub them, but it gets her too horny and just makes more mess.
And no one wants to scrub that from the floor of the car.

 

by Injokester
9-23-04
Can we change the subject?
No. Just picture her bulging from the sides of a g-string.
Urgh.
Or from jeans for that matter. Everything winds up wedged in there eventually.
Urgh.
Her clothes, the remote control, and for some reason I keep finding lego blocks in there. It's a mystery.

 

by Injokester
10-24-04
Diary entry, October 25th. Today the bomb fell. Civilisation was destroyed.
Diary entry, November 9th. I have not found any other survivors, it's just me and the giant cockroaches.
Diary entry, December 18th. Charades has become very predictable.

 

by Injokester
10-25-04
High atop Mt Fuji, the Samurai Warrior Poet hones his art.
You've got mail!
~satisfaction full~ ~Children happen being doubt~ ~deep thing added south~
~happiness telling~ ~~ ~woman sometimes deep thing feel~ ~Lightning wrong placed ill ~
~Online Prescriptions~ ~\/IAAGRA $80~ ~H1GHEST QUALITY~

 

by Injokester
11-12-04
Dude, women are like tits on a bull.
Actually, that's not true.
Tits on a bull are useful as a metaphor.

 

by Injokester
12-14-04
My 5 year old was behaving like a little bastard tonight, so I threatened to cancel Christmas and told him he wouldn't get any presents.
That's pretty harsh.
Then he told me that Santa brings the presents, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Well, I guess he got you there!
No, I told the little prick I'd wait up and shoot Santa off the roof if he didn't shut up and go to sleep.
Hey, lets go fire a couple of shots in the air, I'll lay on the ground and we can see the look on his face!

 

by Injokester
12-25-04
Hey, my partner and I picked up some sponsorship to pay for our float at the gay and lesbian mardi gras!
Wow, that's a coincidence, because I really want to watch you and your girlfriend making out like horny pigs.
Whoops! I meant boinking like horny pigs.
No wait, I mean celebrating your sexuality. Yeah, that's the one.

 

by Injokester
1-05-05
What the heck are you doing!?!
I'm sorry man, there's just something about you that makes me want to write my name.

 

by Injokester
1-05-05
I am Kah Ek, son of Dra Ek, rightful king of the land of Drakor.
I have crossed the plains of Bremm and the great river of Ikk. I have battled Lord Chaffinch and triumphed!
Listen Geoff, I don't care how you dress, I'm not giving you days off for both Hanukkah and "Keel Raising Ceremony" day.

 

by Injokester
2-16-05
Hi, welcome to John's Hardware. Just this is it?
Yeah, just this. I need ALL this tape.
Why do you need all this tape?
I ordered 200,000 free boxes on the internet, and I'm gonna make me a giant fort!
Alright. That'll be $645.50- cash, cheque or credit?
I think I should have thought this through.

 

by Injokester
2-22-05
I got me a Asus p4p, Intel 2.8c, 1 gig ram (2x512 at 2-2-2-5), NvD 6800!!! Yee-haw!
Now I just have to figure out where my penis plugs in.

 

by Injokester
2-22-05
Welcome to PhoneCo, can I help you?
Yes, I need to recharge my prepaid phon... *click*
And that's why you should use the freecall number.

 

by Injokester
2-23-05
A tribute to Choobychooby
Well Bob, the tests confirm that you have a rare case of herpes, that has only ever been found in two people.
So does Halle Berry.
And it made the news.

 

by Injokester
3-04-05
You know that feeling when you wake up, know you have to get up, but change your mind and go back to sleep. That's the best feeling in the world.
But then you look over and there's a naked guy beside you in the bed. That's not such a good feeling.
What are you saying?
Get out and never speak of this again.

 

by Injokester
3-05-05
Life's a burrito.
You're a burrito.
No, life's a burrito.
You're a burrito.
Shut up.
You shut up.

 

by Injokester
3-11-05
Alright, I'll use the Boot. What piece will you be using?
I'll use the Minotaur.
The what?
The Minotaur. Here.
You can't use that, it's 5" high.
It's also got a big axe, but you should have thought of that before you chose the stupid Boot!

 

by Injokester
3-11-05
And I will purchase Euston Road, that's $100 old boy!
Give me the dice. 11! I pass go, so I collect $200!
So here's my $200, and I will trade my four houses for a 3 foot tall castle with motorized drawbridge!
Now look here, that takes up 3/4 of the board.
In your face!

 

by Injokester
3-17-05
The grass really is greener over there. What's your secret?
Spraypaint.
Even the dog turds look better.
Varnish.
And your wife is hot.
Spraypaint.

 

by Injokester
4-07-05
It's official, I'm now a superhero!
If you're a superhero, where's your costume? You don't even have your underwear on the outside!
It's best that my underpants stay on the inside.
Oh, right. Holes or skidmarks?
4 month cum rag.

 

by Injokester
4-11-05
Sigh.
Even the "random comic layout" button is prejudiced.

 

I am HTML Abuse Man! I will pwn j00!
No, LESS time on the internet, MORE time with girls. Do you even listen to me?
by Injokester, 4-22-05

 

So you replaced all those stupid dot things with Ex-Lax?
Sure did. This is going to be HILARIOUS!
by Injokester, 5-06-05

 

by Injokester
5-08-05
Today's Mystery Ingredient is... TELEPHONE!
They mock us Morimoto San.

 

by Injokester
5-08-05
Barkeep! Draw me a glass of your finest beer!
Comin' right up!
And draw big tits on it.
Already doing it.

 

Tempers flare as Mr Stoltzfus learns his prize pupil has turned to the dark side.
by Injokester, 5-16-05

 

by Injokester
5-19-05
When calling a brothel, always ask "Hi I was wondering if I could get one of your girls to come out".
Never say, "Hi, I'm looking for some company for tonight."
Because I swear the directory assistance people do it on purpose.

 

by Injokester
5-20-05
Hey is that a GameBoy? What games do you have.
Tetris.
What else?
Tetris.
Oh. How long have you had your GameBoy?
2 years.

 

by Injokester
5-20-05
Hey man, what's up?
I found my old GameBoy this morning. It was pretty cool to reminisce. I got pretty excited.
So I spent 20 minutes looking for the charger, then remembered it takes actual batteries, so I had to walk up to the store and back.
So how was it?
Tetris sucks.

 

by Injokester
5-21-05
شكژ٩өҸبٌ۱₫Ω₪‮‮!
???
شكژ٩өҸبٌ۱₫Ω₪‮!!!
You know, if you'd accept Christ into your heart, you could speak in tongues too.

 

This is an outrage! It's discrimination! How long must our requests for a soul-dispenser be ignored?!?!
by Injokester, 5-21-05

 

by Injokester
5-25-05
So what are you in for?
I'm serving a 25 year sentence for making a public appearance in a birthday suit.
25 YEARS??? That shouldn't get you more than a week, tops!
It wasn't my birthday suit.
Moisturizer?

 

by Injokester
5-25-05
Yoiks, Angelina is hot.
Actually when she and Billy Bob were together the three of us hooked up for a ménage à trois.
Hot dang! Really? What was it like.
Well his tuckus was a little hairy, but the skin was pretty loose so I got extra maneuverability once I was in.

 

by Injokester
5-25-05
Say Dave...I was just thinking. y'know what's really bizarre?
What?
They serve both fish & chips and tuna sandwiches at SeaWorld.
Yeah?
But if you bite a dolphin even once they display your photo at the counter.

 

In retrospect I really should have asked for their definition of "Wet 'n' Wild".
by Injokester, 5-25-05

 

___________________________________________________
F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,F,G,H. God bless the American education system.
by Injokester, 5-26-05

 

by Injokester
6-28-05
Well Superman, since losing my job at the plant, things have been hard.
No money, no food. My only comfort is this old bottle, which I'm forced to keep refilling with my own urine.
What I'm trying to say is this phonebox is my home now, stop coming here and taking your schmeckel out.

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