All comics by RandomComicLayoutGuy

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Oops!
OUCH!
Did you just hammer a nail into the back of mah head?
Uhhh... No.
Really? I haven't had a headache this bad since Bossie kicked me in mah face!

 

[mmplfmorphmm]
Hey, fatso!
Yes..?
Did you know that gluttony is a sin?
So's whoring, you ugly skank!
Snap!

 

What do you think, TOBOR?
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!
It's a "tossed-salad" bar, complete with "corn holders"...
Just like you asked for, right?
What we have here is failure to fucking communicate!

 

How's biz, Jaycee?
Couldn't be better! How'z by you?
I'm up 25% this quarter alone!
Cool! I guess our inner struggle with man is paying us major dividends!
Yeah! And, I love the look on their faces when they die, and find out this whole "Good vs. Evil" was bullshit! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

C'mon...
Nope!
Please..?
Uh-uh!
Just a little nibble..?
GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME, SHAQ!

 

Now, I know that most women like a man with a sense of humor...
...but, this is fucking ridiculous!
Can you please change me back, Mr. Wizard?

 

See... It's really easy! Why don't you give it a try, Melty?
I don't think so...
C'mon! You can use your arms for balance...
!
What?

 

You're late again, Pocahontas!
I'm sorry, Sister Clamydia... I stopped to blow some paleface in the hallway for a fifty bucks!
Did this "paleface" have a name?
Yeah... Father McCracker.
He gave you FIFTY? That sumbitch only gives me two rosary beads and a handshake whenever I suck him off!
Then, you probably don't want to hear what he gives me for anal!

 

God: Year One...
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Hmmm... Maybe, I should re-think giving these idiots the power of speech...
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

 

Hi... My name is Captain Obvious, and this is my sidekick, Super Chicken!
buk buk buk
Whenever we're faced with grave danger, he runs away, screaming like a big, well, chicken!
buk buk buk
I guess I should have foreseen this behavior from him. After all, he is a CHICKEN, and my name is CAPTAIN OBVIOUS...
buh-GAWK!

 

Wow! Parson Brown gave a cool sermon on Jesus today!
I didn't know that when Christ was crucified, the Romans drove nails through his hands and feet to hold him on the cross... Can you imagine the pain, Melty?
Nope!
Why not?
I have no arms! Nor legs, for that matter!

 

Dude! What happened to you?
What do you mean?
You've turned into some kind of a "frog-man"!
Really? Hmmm... I've been floating around in this flood water for so long, I may be product of "instant evolution"...
Or, chemical re-engineering! But, at least now I can feel that your asshole's water-tight!

 

Whatcha doin', TOBOR?
I'm peeing! Can't you see?
Oh, yes! You are, aren't you..?
So, WHY are you peeing?
'Cuz my bladder's full, shit-for-brains! Maybe, it's time you turn in your "Captain Obvious" card...

 

The furthering adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
Moh!
So... Did you happen to see the accident?
SEE the accident..? I was IN the accident!
Really? From the sounds of it, NO ONE in that twenty-car pile up could have survived!
Tell me about it!
I just did! Hellooooooooo!

 

I've been thinking...
Uh-oh! Here it comes...
I don't think it's going to work out between us!
But, why..?
Our relationship is like "fire and ice"!
Snap! Crackle! POP!!

 

Hey, baby! What you in for?
Whoring!
What about you?
"Fagging"!

 

TOBOR THINK THIS IS SO SAD!
TOBOR?
*sob*
TOBOR!
What?
Quit fucking around, and dig the rest of me out of the snow!

 

So, Tiki... You're saying if I can touch the back of your throat, and pull my hand out before you chomp down on it with your razor-sharp teeth, you'll give me fifty bucks?
You are correct!
Okay... You're on!
This is going to be great!
On three...

 

Oomph!
Get off me dude!
Not until you say you're sorry!
Okay, okay! I'm sorry I said no to a cup of your world-famous coffee!
Once more with feeling!

 

Hey, Robo...
Yeah, Sicko?
What would you call it if you were to clip some of my fur?
I haven't the foggiest...
A HARE cut!HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [snort]
Very BUNNY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [clank]

 

OUCH!
Goddamn, Ms. Stinkybutt!
What's wrong?
When I told you I wanted to bust your "cherry", I didn't mean I wanted to drill you in your lit end!
Was it good for you?

 

Dude...
Isn't it a little early for Halloween?
Halloveen? Was das ist?
Knacken!

 

CRACK!
Mee-OUCH!!
Congratulations!
You are now officially "pussy-whipped"!
Yesss!

 

Ahhhhhh...
Hey, TOBOR! Didn't you get the memo?
What memo?
Some doofus named "Hairy Newkootchy" or "Fairy Zenumi" or whoever, IM'd us saying you peeing is no longer funny since you've done it so many times already!
Yeah? Well, I guess that "Hairy Blewme" or whatever the fuck his name is, would know unfunny when he sees it!
That's cold, dude!

 

I love just letting it all hang out!
Hey, Shaq! Didn't you get the memo?
What memo?
Some jamoak named "Barry Nedo-me" or "Larry Remumi" or whoever, IM'd us and said that using an over-sized pencil to represent your dick was no longer funny!
Oh, Yeah? Well, this "Kerry Jew-me" or "Faggy Sloppy" or whatever the fuck his name is, wouldn't know humor if it drilled him in the ass with my big, black pencil-cock!
You're too cruel for school, Shaq!

 

I love the OBVIOUS smell of dogshit in the morning!
Hey, Captain Obvious! Didn't you get the memo?
OBVIOUSLY not!
Some doosh-bag name "Zari Nohumor" or something like that, IM'd us saying you are no longer funny because you appear in too many comics!
I think my response to that pencil-necked geek would be TOO OBVIOUS!
No Shit!

 

On your mark...
Get set...
CUT!!

 

That's a cool birdcage!
But, I've already bought plenty of useless items here today, and I really don't have a need for it...
I know... I'll use it to store this garage-sale crap I've already purchased! Yay!

 

Now, when I said, "Let's sharpen up our pencils for the big sale today..."
That's not what I meant!
Sorry!
Can you please put that thing away now, Shaq?
'Kay

 

"Gabe Goes to Prison: The Series": In today's epsisode, Gabe meets his cellmate, Shaq...
...so, you say we're going to play "house", and I get to decide if I want to be "mommy" or "daddy"?
Yes...
Well, then I'll be daddy, for obvious reasons...
Coo'!
Now... COME GIVE MOMMY A BLOWJOB, BITCH!!

 

Where the hell are we?
We're in what is known as a "house"...
What the hell is a house?
It's where those idiot humans live when they're not busy trying to fish us out of existence!
I hope the water recedes soon! This place gives me the creeps!
Word up!

 

...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Okay, okay! I'll take you with me to Walmart! Just stop with the screaming already!

 

The furthering adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
I'd say he was about five-foot-six, 134 pounds...
[scribble]
...and, I think he was Jewish!
A GODDAMN JEW?
Yessir!
Well... A Hebe doesn't fit the typical, serial-killer stereotype, but since you're my only witness, I'll put out an APB...

 

grrrrrrrrrrr
OUCH!
grrrrrrrrrrrr
Goddamn, Cujo! When I said I had a "boner" between my legs, I didn't mean...
grrrrrrrrrr
Well... You readers can fill in the rest of this obvious, lame-ass punchline!

 

What's that..?
It's a letter from FEMA...
What's it say?
That there is a hurricane possibly heading our way, and we should evacuate New Orleans ASAP!
I know. I saw the news about Rita on CNN last night...
Hmmm... This letter's dated August 27th, 1996!

 

I finally bought a new bed today...
Is it comfortable?
Fuck, no! The mattress is hard as concrete, and the springs creak loudly when I move. But, did learn a valuable lesson...
What's that?
*lightning-bolt burrito is a direct rip off- er, homage to squidrabies "thunderbolt sandwich"
Never buy anything on the "lay-awake" plan! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
How would you like a "lightning-bolt burrito"*?

 

?!?
Oh, shit!
BUG BOMB!!

 

One, two, three...
...seven, eight, nine...
...eighteen, nineteen, twenty! JACK-FUCKING-POT!!
Hmmm... According to his new contract, this coroner is now paid by the dead body!

 

Last Monday's NFL Katrina Telethon was so successfull, Major League Baseball decided to hold a telethon for all the victims of random steroid testing...
RING, MOTHERFUCKER! RING!!

 

Whoa!
I guess when I start seeing only HALF a pink donkey...
...I can keep on drinking! Yahoo!
Waffles!

 

Me love you loooooong time!
TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU EVEN LONGER!
Oh, yeah? Me sucky-sucky hard!
TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU EVEN HARDER!
Me jam large, oddly-shaped, sharp-edged objects up my own butt!
TOBOR- what? This I gotta see!

 

Aaaaaaaahhh!
Are you peeing again, TOBOR?
Yes!
You know how much Zari Henumi hates it when you do that!
TOBOR knows! But, TOBOR drank WAY to much beer last night, and it's going right through me!
I understand... Beer goes right through me, too! Hell, anything I drink goes right through me!

 

Wow! A twenty-two car pile up!
What could have caused all those cars to swerve into each other?
Take a wild fucking guess!

 

Hmmm...
I'll bet if I bite down on the ball, the force from it popping would send that dog head first through the ceiling!
That'd be a fucking riot to see!
What's on your mind, Tiki?

 

You da man!
No... You da man!
No... You are definitely DA MAN!
Then, that would make you DA BITCH!
Now that we've settled that, go get a fucking job!
You better have my whale blubber pot-pie ready when I get home tonight, twat-breath!

 

OH MY GOD!
IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?
Yeah, baby! Your place or mine?
IT'S FUGGIN' HUUUUUGE!!

 

So, come down to "Wayne's Whacky Wizard Wardrobe Emporium" this weekend...
...where everything is HALF off!
Right, Pinky?
Waff'!

 

Relax, Gumby!
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...
When I said I "nailed" Pokey last night...
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...
...it didn't involve a hammer, if you know what I mean!
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...

 

Oh, shit! The flood waters are rising again! I should pull myself up onto this bench for safety...
Shit! I have no arms! Okay, I'll hop up onto this bench...
SHIT!!

 

Shaq's first day on the job as a police detective...
Damn!
I know I'm new to the robbery/ homicide unit, so I may not know all the standard procedures yet...
But, I don't think the captain having me erase the chalk outline with my dick is one of them!

Showing page 9.

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