All comics by Speez

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by Speez
2-10-03
You lost the bet dude.
No, you cheated!
I won fair and square, you just won't go though with the bet.
No, you will never make me.
Ace: Oh, I'll make you watch the Real World marathon.
Today on the Real World. Puck eats out of the peanut butter jar and that pisses off the short tempered black women room mate.
God no, why is this show still on???

 

by Speez
2-10-03
Ok no one is around.
Tonight on Real World the fallout from the peanut butter inscident!
Oh, I hate that Puck guy, how can he eat strait out of the peanut butter jar with his fingers!
Back off guys, I am just being myself dawgs. Don't playa hate.
What is going on here!
I was flipping! I swear! I was not watching Real World!

 

by Speez
2-10-03
So Speez, you looking over the results of the 3rd Annual "Win a Chance in the Comic" contest.
Yup, and I get some messed up answers for what Ian smells like.
So, I was wondering if the new guy would get more time than me.
Oh, you worried about your spot in the comic. Do not worry.
Oh, I feel so much better.
I will find a way to get you hand stuck on Ian's ass again. Mark my words.

 

by Speez
2-10-03
You remember me Speez?
My god, it's you! I thought you fell into a ditch and died Bigred!
I did, and now I have come back to haunt you because you are holding another contest.
Really?
What Speez says is true...sadly.
No, I heard you got some funny answers and want to hear them.
Hehe, look at this one. Someone put for what does Ian smell like. They said dildo.

 

by Speez
2-10-03
And to congraduate the UBCS comic on it's 400th comic...
...the newest character who won the contest...
MonkeyKing!
Congrats UBCS Comic on it's 400th comic. Now give me that banana you promised me goddamnit.

 

by Speez
2-12-03
Pretend TAS's hand is off the pannel...
Welcome to the second meeting of the Anti-Ace club. Now TAS can you please sing the Anti-Ace club song.
Oh Ace, we want to take a mace lace with a vase to your face.
Ok, now we will talk about the horrible things Ace did to us this week. Ace has beaten me with his bare hands 143 times, a bat 36 and with a bag of door knobs 1,006.
I hate that bag of knobs.
Umm, why is your hand up a cow's ass?
Ace glued it there.

 

by Speez
2-12-03
Ok, we need to think of an idea to get back at Ace.
I have an idea. What if you beat Ace at something? He would never live it down.
But it's Ace and he always beats us.
But you are forgetting, you already have beaten Ace at something.
Ace, I challenge you to a Slap like a Girl match!
What is he blabbing about now.

 

by Speez
2-12-03
That's right, I am sick of you and your Ian beatings!
So I will beat you once again in a Slap like a Girl fight! You will never live with yourself if I can beat you at something!
So what do you say? Will you accept the challenge?
Hell no.

 

by Speez
2-12-03
Oh no! Ace didn't accept! I have to do something quick to make him want to face me in a Slap Like a Girl match!
Now I will be leaving ass.
Your mom!
What did you say?
You heard me bitch, your mom!
Bring it homo!

 

by Speez
2-12-03
Welcome everyone to Ace vs. Ian 3 in, once again, a Slap like a Girl fight!
Gabe: The fighters are in the ring and the bell is about to be rung.
And Ace is ignoring simple rules like waiting for the bell to start fighting and not hitting a guy in the balls.

 

by Speez
2-12-03
Welcome back to the fight. Like always, my name is Good Afterdark. Ace is beating Ian while he is down.
Wait, some blue shirt kid tried to hit Ace while he's not looking, but Ace caught him and seems to have glued him to something in the distance.
Dude, why are you touching me again?
I will get you Ace if it's the last thing I do!

 

by Speez
2-12-03
And Ace is beating Ian like a drunk step father beats his unwanted step son.
Dude, that wasn't cool. Please, don't make any more remarks that would get UBCS in trouble.
Sorry CP. I will watch it out.
And Ace is taking down Ian like the Jews took down Jesus!

 

by Speez
2-12-03
And Ace has the Slap like a Girl champ down and he is just wailing on him! What is this, a monkey as wondered into the ring! Folks, this is a sad day for this sport.
Where are the bananas?
Int he kitchen, third self from the right.
Quick thinking by the challenger! Now Ace is back to beating the living daylights out of Ian.

 

by Speez
2-12-03
And Ace wins this easily to become two time Slap like a Girl champion. This is Good Afterdark saying Good night.
That will teach you to mess with me Ian!
I can't remember, did you say right or left?
I got a better idea, how bout you came with me to pick up chicks.
Screw the banana. Lead the way Pimp Ace!

 

by Speez
2-12-03
Speez is pretending to be the Crocidile Hunter.
Welcome back to another exciting program. Today we are trying to find CP on AIM. We don't even know if this creature uses AIM.
We have to be very careful if we do find him on AIM, because we don't want to scare him and he run away and hide in the bushes or something.
Wait, there he is, and he is on AIM. Now I am going to wrestle him to the ground for no apparenty reason.
Stop bothering me while I am on the computer!

 

by Speez
2-18-03
One day, Speez is sitting in front of his computer...
Oh yeah, downloading anime on Kazaa.
Freeze buster. I caught you downloading stuff. That is illegal because it's copyrighted.
But it's not copyrighted in America yet, so it's still legal.
In that case, your breaking Japanese copyright laws.
So, I am breaking japanese laws...in America?
Don't get smart with me mister or I will be force to beat you to a bloody pulp.

 

by Speez
2-18-03
Ok, what else is illegal to do on the internet?
Downloading anything, looking at sites that have stolen copyright material, going to porn sites...
But, I am 19...
Doesn't matter you sick pervert. Also, still other people's copyrighted material and passing it off as your own.
Damn, what is legal? Openning Internet Explore?
Nope that is illegal too.

 

by Speez
2-18-03
Alright, so if I just go on the internet, that is illegal
That is right.
Ok, I will just play some Roller Coaster Tycoon.
Hmmm, it looks like you burnt that copy illegal.
No...ummm....you see....
Alright, I am going to have to search your room and your person for other illegal games. Drop your pants, I have to make sure you didn't kestier any.

 

by Speez
2-19-03
Wait, you don't have a search warrent! That means all the evidence can't be used aganist me in court.
Ha, ha! I fooled the computer police. I rule, you suck! Drop suck on them apples!
And that is the part where he whipped out the night stick and beat me down for three strait days. I am lucky to still have feeling in my legs.
That is almost interesting.

 

by Speez
2-19-03
I challenge Speez to a game of Halo.
Are you nuts? Speez is godlike in Halo. He will beat you so fast your grandpa will feel like he got bitched slapped.
No man can be that good. I think I have a chance.
May god have mercy on your soul.
Sometime later, at Ace's grandpa's house.
Owww, it just felt like I was slapped.

 

by Speez
2-21-03
Man, there is no one on AIM. Hey, I just got an IM from ABaseball. I haven't seen him in like a year.
ABaseball: Hi
You have been warned anonymously, your warning level is now 3%
What the hell, he warned me, the bitch.
TheGreatSpeez: Why Did you Warn me? ABaseball: I did no warn you.
ABaseball has signed off.
Oh, this means war.

 

by Speez
2-21-03
This ABaseball guy has been warning UBCSers on AIMing and sign off like the asshole jerk off he is. I heard he has even gotten you.
I wanted to get him back, because no one warns me for no reason on AIM and gets away with it. So, that is why I have come to you for help.
So, will you help me.
Do I pimp women? Of course I will help bring that dick head down.

 

by Speez
2-21-03
So, what do you suggest we use to beat him down with?
We have the lead pipe, revolver, rope, candlestick, wrench, knife and a sack of doorknobs.
Oh, I like the sack of dornknobs.
Ok, here is the sack.
Umm, where are the doorknobs.
You have to supply your own knobs.

 

by Speez
2-21-03
The hunt is on for ABaseball.
Speez, there is ABaseball! I am going to take him down with the sack of doorknobs!
Umm, Ace...
*WHACK*WHACK*WHACK*
That is Ian.
My bad.

 

by Speez
2-22-03
I have used my IP tracker to find out ABaseball's location.
Cool beans! Let's go.
It also tells me the last few sites he has gone too. He has been to Ilovethepenis.com, hardcocks.net and pokemasters.com
My god, that's sick and disgusting.
Tell me about it.
What would make a man go to Pokemasters.com?

 

by Speez
2-22-03
Are you sure this is the place ABaseball is at? It is so uninteresting, dead and it smells.
I have a feeling I have been here before.
Hey, a shinny object.
Oh my god! I know where we are at!
Speez? Speez? Damn, he had the sack of doorknobs...

 

by Speez
2-22-03
Speez wakes up after being knocked out...
Argh, what happen. I saw something shinny and then something hit me on the head...and...
...I remember what this place is! Oh my god! It's Pokemasters.net! Oh god, get it off me.
Welcome Speez. I am ABaseball...
No, it can't be you! Wait, maybe it can...
That's right, I, Pokemaster Kevin was ABaseball! HAHAHAHA!

 

by Speez
3-03-03
So what are you going to do with me?
Let's just say you might fall ass first onto my "broomstick".
GOD NO! NOT THAT!
Thanks Ace for taking him down with a sack of doorknobs. He was the one really warning us under ABaseball's screen name.
Really? I just hit him because it was Pokemaster Kevin.

 

by Speez
3-03-03
I think we learned a lesson today Ace. Maybe we shouldn't judge people so quickly. ABaseball screen name was stolen by someone else and we instantly thought he turned into an ass.
Hey, there is the real ABaseball.
Still got the sack of doorknobs?
You know it.
About Five minutes later.
Jesus Christ, a sack of doorknobs will really mess up someone. I didn't even know someone can bleed from there.
If the cops asked, we found ABaseball like that...

 

by Speez
3-10-03
I told you Speez, it is right there on channel 69.
Wow, I thought you had to pay for this stuff. Let me get the rest of the guys.
We interrupt this comic to bring you a speical news meeting with Saddam Hussein.
I am telling you, there are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
Excuse me Mr. Hussein, I am Good Afterdark and I have a question. Where exactly are the weapons of mass destruction.
Around back under the tents. Oh crap...I mean we have no weapns. And France should receive it's payment of oil shortly.

 

by Speez
3-12-03
Ace, look what I found on channel 69. Isn't it great.
My god, they got two of them up there! I didn't think that was possible. Jesus, now three!
We interrupt this comic to bring you an interview with President George W. Bush.
So Mr. President, what does Suddam have to do for the US not to go to war.
They have to disarm all their weapons, by tonight. That includes nuclear weapons. If they do not have these weapons, they must make them and then disarm them. Then he must sink a 40 foot putt.
That alot of hoops he has to jump though in a short amount of times.
Oh yeah, I forgot about the hoops. Powel wants 2, but I say he should jump though 3. One thing we agree on, they must be flamming!

 

by Speez
3-12-03
Oh my god, I can't believe she fit that in her mother. Wow, she needs a napkin now.
Channel 69 rules.
We interrupt this comic to bring you an interview with the French President.
What is your opinon on America calling French fries, "Freedom" fries.
Thoose damn dirty Americas, just because we do not go along with their plans to rule the earth, they must take away our greatest invention!
Umm, French fries weren't made in France...
Really? Then what has France done for the world lately?

 

by Speez
3-16-03
Whoa, my god, what are you guys watching! Is that legal?
Just barely. Look at the way she works her hands. Such great form! She has had years of pratice!
If my girlfriend SAN saw me watching this, I would be in some trouble.
If any girl caught us watching what is on channel 69, it would be bad.
There you are CC!
UMMM, SAN! What a surprise! Don't look at the TV!

 

by Speez
3-17-03
Why can't I look at the TV?
You see...
...the thing is...
Ohhh, spank my hairy ass women!
What did that guy scream?
Ummm, he told his wife to spank the donkey...

 

by Speez
3-17-03
Seriously, what are you guys watching?
Umm, the all tennis channels. Man, those women grunt like they are in a prono.
Oh, ok. Well, see you tonight my little spammer.
I will see you tonight my spam queen.
Dude, I can't believe you convinced her we weren't watching hardcore porn. That save was a 9 out of 10.
Thanks Ace. Did a miss the gang bang?

 

by Speez
3-18-03
There it is. I never thought I would be able to see this landmark in person.
It's so beatiful and I cannot stare directly at it without going blind. But I must go inside to see the true beauty.
I will enter the glory that is Speez's private bathroom!

 

by Speez
3-18-03
That's right kids, DJ makes an apperance!!!!!!
Hey man, what are you doing outside's Speez's bathroom.
DJ, I have a question. Have you ever been inside Speez's bathroom?
Nope, can't say I have. But I hear that the toliet seat wipes his butt for him, he has a movie theatre size screen with an Xbox hooked up to it.
Wow! Hey, has anyone ever entered the bathroom other than Speez?
I think Misty has.
Misty huh? Hmmm...

 

by Speez
3-18-03
Journey to find Misty.
Misty been in the bathroom before, so maybe she can help me get in it again! Now, to find her!

 

by Speez
3-18-03
TAS is still searching...
Holy cow, I am in Iraq!!!!!!

 

by Speez
3-18-03
TAS search around the world for Misty ended in failure. Then he decided to check UBCS...
Hey Monkeyking, have you seen Misty?
Have you seen my banana?
I asked you first.
But you suck balls.
You are making me cry!
Oh, I had the banana in my hand the whole time. Go me.

 

by Speez
3-18-03
CP, do you know where Misty is at?
No...
You sure?
Yes I am sure, not getting out of here! I need to be alone.
He almost saw me play Dead or Alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball. Oh yeah, spike that ball in the Venus suit.

 

by Speez
3-18-03
Hey look, there is RazorRoller over there....looking at his butt in the mirror???
Who has a nice ass. Oh, Razor has a nice ass. You are a good little ass.
I ain't going near that freak...

 

by Speez
3-18-03
Magi, have you seen Misty?
Kill me now.
Umm, excuse me?
My pants are always too tight, Ian always stares at my package for hours on end and Speez never uses me in the comic.
Well, your character does suck.
True dat. No, I haven't seen her.

 

by Speez
3-18-03
Hey Bigred, have you seen Misty?
No I haven't you cockknocker.
Umm, are you mad at me?
Damn right I am mad. I won the first contest to be in the comic over a year ago and you are used more than me!
Yeah, but my hands did get glued to Ian's ass.
Your right. No, I dunno where she went.

 

by Speez
3-18-03
GD, have you seen Misty?
Ummm...
Time passes...
Ummm....
Two weeks later.
Comeon GD, what is your answer!
FALSE!

 

by Speez
3-18-03
Hey look, there is Ace! Maybe he knows where Misty is at.
TAS has a flashback.
GOD, I HATE YOU FOREVER ACE FOR GLUEING MY HANDS TO MY FACE! I CAN'T UNZIP MY PANTS TO PEE SO I WET MYSELF!
Jump back to the future...
Umm, or maybe he doesn't...

 

by Speez
3-18-03
Hey ILC, have you seen Misty?
No, now leave me alone! I am playing Warcraft III.
Why are you still here?
Why do you get bench to sit on while I have to sleep on a sharp rock.
I dunno, because you suck balls. Now leave me alone or I will go ninja squrriel on your ass.

 

by Speez
3-18-03
Oh hey LAP. I haven't seen you in awhile.
That is because FeetforEars thrown me down a huge hole sometime before comic 300. I thought my good friends at UBCS would come find me soon after...
Oh, ok. I have something I need to ask you.
But after 100 comics I noticed no one was coming. So I had to climb out of the hole with two broken legs and a broken arm. It was a hard process and I fell back in many times.
Ok, great, whatever. Have you...
After falling back in for the 12th time I noticed there was a door at the bottom thaat read "The Shortcut door to UBCS"...

 

by Speez
3-18-03
Hey LAP, I have been trying to find Misty and she not anywhere. Can I look around in your bag?
Sure, but be warned, my bag is a dangerous place.
I known. Open her up.
Alright, hop right in.
Why does my tongue always stick out?

 

by Speez
3-20-03
Oh my god, who are you?
AotD, forgotten UBCS mod. Now excuse me, I am going to make love to my girl.
Who are you?
I am TOAL, AotD girlfriend. Now out of my way there hot loving to be making.
Oh yeah baby, you like your fan fic mod big and strong.
ARGH, I am blind!!!

Showing page 9.

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