All comics by ragu4u

 

by ragu4u
11-13-08
Sorry, but those pre-arranged funerals did have their flaws. Just follow me.
"R.I.P" You know what that means? Rest in peace, that's what. PEACE! I got NO PEACE!
Your new burial site is right over there, and I assure you, they won't be landing any 727's on top of you again for many, many years. You can trust me.
There's not a ghost of a chance that's gonna happen, buddy!

 

by ragu4u
11-13-08
Knock, knock knock.
I sure hope that's a tall, brunette in a slinky red dress.
The desk clerk sent me up.
Great. What's your name?
Everyone still calls me "Otto"....but I can change it once my genital transplant scars heal up totally.
Oh well, "almost a woman" is better than no woman at all.

 

by ragu4u
11-13-08
He's got to be kidding.
I don't see how it's possible.
What a crock. I don't believe it.
We're on "Candid Camera", right?
Laugh if you will but there I was in the bottom of the last inning, pitching a no-hitter. Then I go and throw my arm out.

 

by ragu4u
11-13-08
Jim, why did they bring us all here?
I know what they must want, Tim; our "MUG SHOTS".

 

by ragu4u
11-14-08
Well, fella, you got choice to make.
Yeah? And what might that be?
Me either burn you at stake or chop off you head.
Oh, that's an easy one.
So...what it be?
Go ahead & burn me. A hot steak is better than a cold chop, any day.

 

by ragu4u
11-14-08
Witnesses to execution...
I realize burning flesh smells, but this is just god awful.
Yeah. He must have shit his pants right after they lit him up.
How does that executioner stand it?
It doesn't seem to bother him. In fact, he's over there making "Smores."

 

What famous movie scene is brought to mind by the characters in this frame? Any guesses? Sorry if it's waaay too easy.
Wooo haaa, yeeha yeeha, whooo haa
by ragu4u, 11-14-08

 

by ragu4u
11-14-08
Halt!
Who goes there?
What's the password?
Friend or foe?
We will fight to the death to protect our Monarch.
Monarch? You's guys are nuts. I make the "Burger King" commercials!

 

by ragu4u
11-14-08
...and then the airbag deployed and that's all I remember.
Keep THAT story on the "down low" kid.
Why?
Just shut up and do what I tell ya. We'll both make a fortune off of this, if you follow my lead.
OK then, Uncle Lenny. So now I'm supposed to fall on the ground screaming of back pain?
Don't be callin me Uncle Lenny anymore. From now on, you are the client...I am the lawyer.

 

Hey, bring the fruit cake back out here. I think we'll be able to cut it now.
Fruit Cake? Me gonna need bigger axe!
by ragu4u, 11-14-08

 

by ragu4u
11-14-08
Honey, it says here that our son has lost his job, been sued for divorce, had his home foreclosed on, been infected with H.I.V. and has been convicted of treason.
Oh my God Harry...our poor boy! As his parents, what are we going to do?
You mean before or after we change our names and leave the country?
Very funny, Harry. Seriously, what can our son, with THAT kind of baggage, really do now? I mean, besides running for office.

 

by ragu4u
11-15-08
Beef Sales Plummet/Spam Sales Skyrocket
It's been reported today that "SPAM" has become as valuable as gold in this downward financial spiral.
Hey babe, while your in the basement, you better lock up those 20 cans of "SPAM" I mailed off for in the mini-safe.
Sure thing, hon. I'll stuff in as much of your meat as I can.
?
Moments later...
Ya think mommy heard me down there, lil darlin?
Yep! She yelled the same thing she yells at the mailman when he delivers "SPAM" to her bedroom every Monday.

 

by ragu4u
11-15-08
Hiya Stickperson. I'm ragu4u. May I ask ya something?
I don't see why not. Shoot!
How do I go about getting fellow "Strippers" to rate my strips?
Oh my god! You actually undress in front of people for a living? I think I'm gonna cut myself.
No, Stickperson! I mean these comic strips of mine. How can I get other strip creators to rate them?
So, you DON"T get naked, then? Good! Well, why don't you start by incorporating a lame plea into a strip. THEN, if you get no responses, you can still dust off your thong and pasties.

 

by ragu4u
11-15-08
Ok, young lady, just close your eyes and think of a place you'd love to be right now and a number between 1 and 100.
Vegas & Lucky 7...Vegas & Lucky 7....Vegas &
That's fine. Now, using all my mental powers, I will visualize them in my mind.
Why is it that they always pick my bedroom and the number 69?

 

Let me guess. "Friday the 13th" again?
by ragu4u, 11-15-08

 

by ragu4u
11-15-08
I sure hope the Obama's pick me as their new dog.
Ain't happening, Rover. I'm a sure thing.
You're not even a dog so beat it.
I'm kinda hoping they'll think I'm a Poodle.
That's impossible. You're a sheep & you look like it. Besides, why would they want a little, dumb, white, submissive creature to boss around all day?
That was rhetorical, right?

 

As 2 Hairdressers Pass in the Night
God, I wish he would have asked to DO me.
Having him DO me would have made my day.
by ragu4u, 11-15-08

 

by ragu4u
11-15-08
Hi. Are you Ted Kazinski's brother? If so, he sent ya this package. Just sign here.
Thanks and have a happy new year.
Damn you and your grudge holding, Teddy!

 

by ragu4u
11-16-08
Thank you for coming to worship with me, Father Joe, this fine Sunday morning.
Now, let's begin by taking the hand of the person next to you and recite the Lords' Prayer together.
That's gonna be tough , Padre, but here goes....
It's so hard when he's the only one to show up.
"Our Father which art in heaven....

 

by ragu4u
11-16-08
I can't see why, if you turned water into wine....
...WE have to turn our own urine into drinking water?
I could turn your urine into water while still inside your body...
...but then think how you'd have to drink it.
I'll pass.

 

by ragu4u
11-16-08
It's heading into the holidays. Why am I sitting here doing comic strips all day?
You have no life, that's why!
Whoa! You talkin to me? You? You talkin to me?
And you spend too much time watching old movies, loser!
That's a big lie. Everyone lies to me & about me. For once, I'd like to hear some truth.
"TRUTH?" You can't handle the truth."...........oops!

 

Fork over all yer eggs or you know what I'm capable of.
Being pencil sketched makes me such a VICTIM!
by ragu4u, 11-16-08

 

by ragu4u
11-16-08
So you listen with your feet and walk on your fingers, huh?
So?
So that makes you just about the stupidest looking oddity on the planet. Bwahahah!
How'd you like my hand up your ass, ya little punk?
Mommy!, Mommy! The nasty man said nasty stuff to me.
I got LONG fingernails too, smart ass.

 

by ragu4u
11-16-08
Dum Dee Dum Dee Dum...
I'm smellin me a bag-o-crap!
My...that is quite the astute olfactory sensabily you have there, my dear chap.
You say you rear is chapped? Probly from all that crappin you do to fill sack.
I guess they don't pick up after their dogs much in these parts.
You think you big shot "crapper", huh? Well, my brudder got 7 barrels-o-crap he has next to bed for safe keeping. He hold Guiness world record. That boy got chapped ass, big time.

 

by ragu4u
11-16-08
Hey, "dick neck!"
What?
You fag!

 

Live long & prosper!
HA!
by ragu4u, 11-16-08

 

...but...
No" buts." YOU fell for that "72 virgins" crap too!
by ragu4u, 11-16-08

 

by ragu4u
11-16-08
I like you & I like your people. From now on every government agency, Federal, State and Local, will be staffed by your relatives.
Th.....a......n.......k
y..........o..........u M........i.......s.......t
e....r Pr......es.....id......ent!

 

Did ya hear, Citigroup just laid off 50,000 of their work force?
Good. That's fewer people to hound me about the lack of payments on my credit card.
by ragu4u, 11-17-08

 

by ragu4u
11-17-08
She's accepted!
Hillary?
Yep. She's gonna take Condi's job.
Condi sure will be hard to replace.
I know. Nobody makes flapjacks like Condi does.
Weren't those buckwheat cakes? Oops, my bad!

 

by ragu4u
11-17-08
As a doctor, I cannot see how YOU, Billy Bob, can be so sure your little girl is dyslexic?
Well, crap....even I can tell she wrote the word on that thar rocketship backwards.

 

by ragu4u
11-18-08
In this latest report, scientists have revealed that TV is watched by, mostly, unhappy people.
I'm, generally, a happy guy.
Well, FUCK THAT! I guess I really hate the world and evrybody in it. Now where is that god damned TV guide?

 

by ragu4u
11-18-08
"Coffee World" Dist. Office
Do you feel it's true that there are more "weed cafes" in San Francisco than there are "Starbucks?"
C'mon, Maura...that's just more right wing propaganda trying to make our city appear to be filled with drugged up addicts.
Ya think?
Sure. I'd like to talk more but I have someone in my office. Gotta go.
Yo, Pops. I'm kinda tapped out in the reefer department. Hows about forking over the keys to one of yer many "medicinal mary jane" outlets you run under the radar?
Heeeeey...let's keep that on the down low, Dweezle. The IRS might frown on the fact I run 250 out of the 300 in this city.

 

by ragu4u
11-18-08
Argh, ya scurvy knave. Takin over these Super Tankers in Somalie waters be like takin kippers from a nipper. Agreed?
Well, beggin yer pardon cap'n, I'd say it be like takin candy from a baby, I would!
Well, what say you, ya shriveled up, poor excuse for a mini-me?
What say I?
I say, ya be soundin a lot like that thar bilge rat, Bill O'Rielly, skipper!
It's to the plank with ya, ya mutinous pinhead!

 

by ragu4u
11-18-08
Damn it, Dick! Now ya went and let yerself get indicted down in Texas with Al Gonzalez.
Stay cool, George. I have my best people working on this.
Code name "Cheeny" has authorized another hit in code name "alamo"!
I hope this won't end up like our "Bay of Pigs" fiasco.
No way! That was Cuba. All them Latinos messed it up for us over there. We'll be fine operating in code name "alamo".
There's more Latinos THERE than in Cuba, you moron. I'm gettin a bad feeling on this one.

 

by ragu4u
11-18-08
What be all the commotion on deck, ya slimy dreg?
Cap'n, our sister ship signaled she's taken over a tanker of grain, what sailed from the port of Hong Kong.
Well, shiver me timbers, ya lowly swill swallower. This truly is like takin candies from dandies, now ain't it?
We and the crew wilst be rich beyond all abilities to be keepin tally of our vast richedness, I must say!
You must say? Argh! I must say you be soundin a lot like that little faggot, Ed Grimly.
Ed Grimly, skipper? Never heard of him. However, I do have a few pretty good Pat Sajak impressions, if you'd be so inclined, I must say!

 

by ragu4u
11-18-08
Let me give you a piece of "life" advice my boy.
Forget you, old man. Don't need it. Don't wanna hear it either.
The day will come when you'll have a son of your own...
Whoa, pops, hold on. No kids for me. I got condoms and I know how to use em too.
I wish I did, about 10 years ago.
And lay off these, embarassing, father son chats too. They're startin to cramp my street cred!

 

by ragu4u
11-18-08
Now make sure to give that directly into Santa's hands.
Why sure, kindly Mr. Mailman.
Here you go, boss. The mailman said to give you this, directly.
Has it been screened yet? Did the bomb sniffing dogs go over it? It's not ticking, is it? You know, a man like me can't be too....
I need me another #1 Elf up here, pronto......and tell him to bring a mop!

 

by ragu4u
11-19-08
So Brad, I understand it's your bithday.
Wait a sec, ragu4u. I feel like this strip is about to make a joke out of me and you haven't been a member long enough to do that.
Now that's just down right unfair. I was just gonna ask if you got anything exciting for your birthday?
You mean MORE exciting than VD?
YOU did that. I didn't do it. You did it....you, you, you!
Damn, is he slick, or what?

 

by ragu4u
11-19-08
You did it now, Jesus. Ya let Heidi do the "space walk" repair job and...
Be still, my son. Women can perform as well as men in many environments.
I was TRYING to say...she dropped the tool bag. It's lost in space. A million bucks in high tech tools lost due to her butter fingers.
On second thought, have her come back inside the Space Station.
You're going to send her back to earth, right?
Heavens, no. But we do have stacks of dishes to be washed in the gally. (I do hope they're plastic.)

 

by ragu4u
11-20-08
Somewhere in Iran.....
Finally, we have enough enriched Uranium to make A-Bum.
Aiatola, it's..."BOMB"
Somewhere in Iran.....
No! I a told YOU, it's A-Bum.
But Aiatola, you mean..."BOMB"...really, really big bomb.!
Somewhere in Iran.....
Why you call me "big, mean bum"?
Life was easier with Mustard Gas.

 

Did you, or did you not, ask me to take away your sins of the flesh? So stop complaining!
I'm so ashamed!
by ragu4u, 11-20-08

 

This just in...The Weather Channel is laying off a significant number of staff members.
Which begs the question..."How many liars does it take to report the weather incorrectly?"
by ragu4u, 11-20-08

 

by ragu4u
11-20-08
Alright, little Butch, what is the fastest way for OPEC to sell more barrels of oil?
Huh?
You heard me, little Butch.
Oh yeah. How to sell more barrels. That easy!
Make barrels half as big.

 

Today is "World Toilet Day." There will be NO toilet flushing for 24 hours.
Spoken like a man who, obviously, hopes we don't give a shit.
by ragu4u, 11-21-08

 

by ragu4u
11-21-08
The Triple Play...Young, Naive & Stupid
Dats right. You gives me $25 then you goes up ta room 425 and knock twice.
Well alright. You're sure she'll be there?
Oh yeah. You gonna bes gettin yo monies wurf fo sho.
Here goes. Fourth floor, room 425 here I come!
After waiting for one hour.....
Gee, I guess she had an errand to run. Just my luck.

 

by ragu4u
11-22-08
I have a sneaky feeling contests are being held and some are being, shalI I say, excluded!
So what, dipshit?
Well, I do have feelings, you know!
We can't be sure of that. Bend over and let everyone here kick that big fat ass of yours and we'll find out what kinda feelings you really got.
Now that's much better. I feel like I'm back home again. To heck with the contest. I could just hug you.
Whoa there big boy. Ass kickin comes first, huggin second.

 

by ragu4u
11-22-08
I just watched a few minutes of YouTube Streaming Live!
As you can see, when one commits suicide, they go to this very dark place.

 

by ragu4u
11-22-08
Lucky for me it's bow season, huh?
You call THAT "Lucky"?
Ahhhhgh

 

Inquiring Minds Want To Know
Gag! Did she shit or what?
Phew, that's one smelly case of the "Hershey Squirts!"
by ragu4u, 11-22-08

Showing page 9.

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