All comics by xxxenon

 

by xxxenon
6-26-05
I wonder what my sperm count is?
Do you think the measure of a man is in his sperm count?
Fertility is important,it is our manhood !
I think the measure of sperm in the unit volume depends on who's going to score the sex pot!!! at the front desk.Do you want to bet on it ?
Are you down for the count?
The sperm count is rising in the USA !

 

by xxxenon
6-26-05
What do you have for me?
It 's a new energy drink.The bio chemists have finally perfected the ingredients and it is ready for packing and shipping.
How will this stand up to Red Bull and all the other metabolic boosters on the market ?
No comparison ! This is a folic acid and zinc supplement drink. Two elements that are essential to the formation of DNA and creation of sperm.
Does it have thermogenic properties that will increase sexual desire?
It is sublingual (under the tongue) goes directly into the bloodstream.It also works as a growth hormone releaser raising the production of GH in the pituitary gland sending GH into the system.

 

by xxxenon
6-26-05
Are you cocksure?
Well they are calling it the ''Rooster'' I guess it is going to be a cock and bull story !
A volume and potency formula that will increase the ejaculate volume by 500%. Outstanding !!!
The Booze lowers your sperm count and decreases sexual function !
When is the last time you had a drink ?
A stiff one ?

 

by xxxenon
8-13-05
Sharks: VIP Bathroom
Dude!!! Lets go to Club Blow tonight and check out the Pamela Anderson look alike contest
Kool!!!That is one Historic event I dont want to miss.
The winner gets a pair of free breast implants !
You mean none of the chicks that are going to be in the contest are going to have fake tits.What kind of incentive is that ?
Surprise Guests
Jeremy Jackson is going to be there with all kinds of famous personalities.
Well, that is as surreal as it gets ! So thats what he's doing now giving out educational scholarships to Orange County's Finest Woman.

 

by xxxenon
8-13-05
The Red Planet is being circled by the Mars Reconnaissance Orbitor.What is your forecast in the near future?
What do I look like a Astronomer ?
I take it you have had too many chunky monkey coffee drinks.You are wired and irratated !
I am having seperation anxiety and gravity sickness.This is high altitude
Do you want a Zanex?
I see a close encounter.Earth is catching up with Mars.The encounter will take place on August 27th when Mars comes to within 34,649,599 miles of Earth and will be the most brilliant object.

 

by xxxenon
8-13-05
Will you be able to see it with the naked eye?
It will be as bright as the full moon.It is the closest approach of two planets in recorded history
Spectacular!!!!
A magnitude of -2.9 and will appear 25,11 arc seconds wide.At a modest 75-power Magnification
How did you get sO Bright?
My friend from Federal prison sent me a message from GOD !!!

 

by xxxenon
8-14-05
Are they going to give us magazines?I need something to stimulate my brain waves.I want this ejaculation to be productive !
This facility is state of the art.Where are the skin flicks to put us in the mood?
Ya, Vivid Entertainment !
I have some naked pictures on my camera phone of that hottie(Valkyrie)I took pictures of her shaving
Private shows
I wonder where the Boys are tonight?
I just got a call from the fertility clinic.We have two lap dances to give.It's a hell of alot more money than we are going to make in this Toilet Bowl !

 

by xxxenon
8-14-05
Monkey ! Is this your idea of a good time hanging out at a graveyard?
I chartered us a weather plane to make sure the conditions are favorable before bombing the United Temple of Arab Emirates.
Who's plane is it?
The President's.It is his personal favorite.A ''Straight Flush B-29 Bomber''It was used during the atomic bombing of Hiroshima(1945)
How in the World did you manage that strategic maneuver?
It pays to be a Royal Kiss Ass!!!

 

by xxxenon
8-14-05
So there is such a thing as a Flying Monkey?
Ya,I traded in my monkey suit for a space suit and Adidas running cleats.
Are you insane,Who is going to navigate this Air Craft,a Kamikaze Pilot ?
Osama Bin Laden is fueling this mission,it is a relief effort to save America's Central Banking System.
Bin Laden!!!For all we know that bastard is on some tropical island somewhere eating imprted beef jerky and reading USA Today !
Well,Waldo didn't make any money until he turned up missing!!!

 

by xxxenon
8-14-05
I have a important lunch date at the Big Dipper restaurant featuring exotic showgirls.My clients are going to be very upset if I turn up missing.
How much insurance do you have riding on your Ass?
Insurance!!! I dont need insurance.I am Mars-Roman God of War.I am Infinate.They named a candy bar after me for God's Sake !
For Humanity's sake the Solar System can not survive with out you.Do you remember ''War of the Worlds''by Orson Welles ?
Ya,the science fiction story of Martians invading Earth.I believe the year was (1938).It was a live radio broadcast that left Americans in a state of Hysteria !
I feel a panic attack Coming on!!!

 

by xxxenon
8-14-05
Would you like a glass of vintage wine from Adolf Hitler's private collection ?The United States Military siezed it when they ransacked German Headquarters.
Ya,and I would like Swiss Colony Cheese to go with the Italian Salami.Do you have authentic Cuban Cigars from (1962) Fidel Castro SPECIAL EDITION ?
We have it all here on this Tropical Island Paradise.The bread is freshly baked and the Spirit is Positive.
Ahhh! Positive affirmations motivate me.I think I have to take a Poop !
Your new litter box cover is inlaid with Rubies,Pearls and Sapphires.Representing the American Flag.The U.S. Military confiscated it when they raided the Saudi King Royal Palace.
On the throne I sit the best ideas come when your taking a Shit!!! Woof ,Woof ,Woof

 

by xxxenon
8-14-05
Sir,Here are the Belgium chocolate covered strawberries you requested.
Did you bring the salt water taffy and the Belly dancers?
What do you think Life is a Snack Machine ?
Instant gratification works for me ! A Fenway Sausage dog from Boston will really have me doing Doggy Tricks!!!
May I suggest you take up parasailing ?
Could you call Snoop Doggy Dog(Grand Master of Rap)and tell him it is I who let the Dogs out !!!

 

by xxxenon
8-15-05
A stray dog. I wonder who he belongs to?
This is like 101 Dalmations meets the Doberman Gang
What Dog Pound did you escape from?
I beg your pardon!!! I have Platinum dog tags from Tiffiny's and a Silver Star Dog collar.Property of a International consulting and Investment Firm !
This is a Federal Reserve drop off spot !
Would you care for a Franklin after dinner Mint ?

 

by xxxenon
8-16-05
American capitalism the illuminated halo of Life.
Doggy beach is so much fun !
So your the star athlete and student leader of this syndicate.
Ya,I am a son of a Bitch !
Here are the Bank notes and stock certificates you requested.We threw in a couple of extra Doggy treats and spending cash Entertainment.
Lick , Lick, Lick

 

by xxxenon
8-17-05
Where the Hell is the damn plane?That monkey is suppose to bring reinforcement supplies and my Meal Ticket !!!
Snif , Snif, Snif
Sir, Here is the Oil you requested from the Panama pipe line.We got a great price for purchasing the well and the rig it was a Package Deal.
What did you trade for it ?
I gave the dark side of Global finance my soul and a Big Mac - 10 !
Could you open me a Swiss Bank Account ?

 

by xxxenon
8-17-05
The economic prosperity of future generations depends on this smuggling operation.This monkey better mean buisness !
Scooby snacks
Sir, here is the malted milk bone you requested.Hot right out of the oven just the way you like it.
Did you start my campfire?
Whats in it for me?
You can lick my plate !

 

by xxxenon
8-18-05
I dont know what it is lately men keep asking me to marry them.It must be my Smell.
Ya ,all the white boys in here love my black ass.They want to marry me too.
You smell !!!
The only thing I smell in here is a rat.I am sure that is why men come in here,to marry a divorced stripper with 3 kids from different men,who lets men she meets in here Babysit.
I am going to tell management your flashing customers.
WELL AT LEAST I am not marrying them !!!

 

by xxxenon
8-19-05
We are running a special tonight for the gentleman.A 10 dollar cover charge and a free slice of pizza.If you are a Mexican that just crossed over the border it is 5 dollars and a cheap Feel.
Is that your tomato truck parked outside?
Tomato Truck!!! I am S - CLASS
This place is all over the news.Your looting the city and robbing woman.You have alot of balls crying''Dirty Deal''
I refuse to be called a Thief!!!
How about a Rat?

 

by xxxenon
8-19-05
I am merely a Strawman being used under false pretense
How convenient,the Strawman defense.How much do you charge for that 1 dollar?
Do you have your VIP CARD?
Ya,I am with the United States Border Patrol and Customs IN our country we use Strawmen as combat training Targets !
Is that a threat ?
Consider it a Warning !

 

by xxxenon
8-20-05
Where in God's name are you taking me?I have a Hollywood movie premiere to attend on August 27th.I am the Guest of Honor
There is going to be a short layover.We need to refuel and deal with a National Security Crisis
Lets save the crusade for later.I dont want to miss the after party in the City of Sin.Pimp and Ho's from all over the world are going to be there for my press release Converence
Global politics and the Milkyway are counting on our Arrival.Have you ever heard of Bohemian Grove?
Ya,it is said to be a sexual playground for World Politicians and Bankers
Flight 1983 is a Humanitarian effort to clean up the Welfare System

 

by xxxenon
8-21-05
So,your the seeing eye dog that is said to be able to grant miracles,read peoples minds,predict the future and be in two places at once.A pleasure to meet your Company
What about healing Powers and Stigmata?
You have to take a vow of poverty for that Gold Star
Do you expect me to roll over and say ''poor me'' I've been wagging my tale all this time and I know somebody out there is listening !
A Dogs Life
i am here on behalf of the Federal Hill Gang.What do you have to say for yourself?
It was a amazing fall from Grace,but the comeback will be even better!!!

 

by xxxenon
8-22-05
The Italian Finance Ministry is good at picking the pockets of wealthy buisnessmen and starstruck Investors
The German Bankers have a flood of cash
Ya,bankrolling everything from Art to Filmmaking
Without German Investors Arnold Schwarzenegger would not have been back as the Terminator for the 3rd time
Our Governer(Chairman of the Board) loves recreation,work and donating to a Cause

 

by xxxenon
8-22-05
The National Rifle Association advocates my possession of a firearm.Who gave you permission to carry a hand gun?
The Irish Republic Army !
Fugitive At Large
Speaking of the Irish,Where is Whitey Bulger ?
Mr. President if I knew where that wild cat was hiding out I wouldn't be here.I thought the Federal Bureau of Investigation was handling the case !
Who tipped you off about this private Resort?
The Winter Hill Gang !

 

by xxxenon
8-25-05
Our sperm donations were accepted by the Medical board review and we are now in the System. Lap dances are on the House !
How about the Drinks?
A special tattoo that is invisable and can only be detected under infrared black light is going to be placed on our wrists and it will give us Open Bar & House Calls !
Thats what I call a Hook-up !
Adult Entertainment
Is that Jenna Jameson and Jill Kelly that just walked in ?
YA ,they are hosting our Sexual Behavior Workshop ''Primal Instinctive Desires and The Fundementals Of Cliteracy"

 

by xxxenon
8-26-05
What about my welfare?A suicide mission is not part of the game plan !
Is that what you think this is a suicide mission?This is a celebrity publicity stunt.There is a million dollar cash reward to deliver you to the President.
Are you holding me for ransom?
It is what we call in America a finders Fee !
What does the President want with me?He has alot of other important issues to deal with like having lunch with the Mormons and buying a new pair of cowboy boots to wear at the ranch.
Now you get it !!! The Mormon church of Economic and Political Power !

 

by xxxenon
8-27-05
Mr.President,Our Cosmic Ray of Light has arrived safe and sound.
Your late!!!The Brotherhood does not like to be kept waiting.On this Island monkey brains are a Delicasy !
Do you remember what happened the last time you tried to keep a monkey scull as a souvenir?The Planet of the Apes were very upset.
Ya,your right!evolution hasn't been the same since.Hollywood cant afford another flop at the box office !

 

by xxxenon
9-05-05
Boo!!!!
It takes alot more than that to scare me.So your the ghost that haunts this Bar.Did I mention I like Devils and Goblins
OK! So if I dont scare you,what in Hell are you afraid of ?
I am afraid of Life!
Life!!!That was your favorite board game when you were a child.
Imagine That !!!

 

by xxxenon
9-05-05
Hi,this is your twin sister calling to check up on you.Are you ok?
I am making progress.Have you read any of my online comics?
No,I have been so busy and not enough time.You should try to have them published
Well lets hope I dont have a story book of Life to offer the world by the time you and the rest of the family. Wake-up !!!
Ya,So are there any special men to speak of?
God !!! Help me

 

by xxxenon
9-10-05
The souls of many great men lie in wake of Hurricane Katrina's Tragedy.
What are you doing to help out?
I am having a Vigil.You are welcome to join The New Spirit World Order !
Ahhhh!!!! It is about time somebody gave watchful attention on the eve of a church festival.
''New Spirit World Order'' is a sanctioned and licensed trademark !
It took you 40 years to figure that out!!!!

 

by xxxenon
9-11-05
This global candlelight vigil is dedicated to the victims of Hurricane Katrina and September 11 2001
A pledge of Hope and Peace will restore faith in the Community
A commitment is Free !

 

by xxxenon
9-12-05
Dude!!!The Tall ships are coming to Town.They are an awesome sight to see.Do you want to go?
I saw the Tall ships when I was a kid. It was kool,but I have a more entertaining idea in mind !
Our Founding Fathers came here on Tall Ships.The Pilgrims landed in New England.What about the Mayflower?
We are going on a Field Trip.The Pirates are setting sail in September and we have Box Office Seats !
Pirates!!!Are you telling stories again?
I am the Free Advertising and Promotional Director for Erotic Cinima.Do you want to go to the Movies?

 

by xxxenon
9-12-05
The Autum Equinox is near and it is a New Age of Pagan Witches and Goddesses
Finding the Balance within ourselves and the environment of daily living
A spell is a prayer or heart felt wish to bring harmony and love into our lives
This is a digital Masterpiece!!!

 

by xxxenon
9-13-05
Cant you see I am in standing in the middle of a earth shattering expierence.The circle of trust can not be broken !
Oh!!!That is some ground breaking news.What are you really doing?
I am worshipping Mother Nature and her magnificent beauty.Your video game is causing a power outage !
Do you honestly believe that casting a love spell is really going to bring you your soulmate?
YES ! The Word Rip ''Rest In Peace'' is very effective !
Who's Fault line is it anyway ?

 

by xxxenon
9-14-05
???
I heard of philosophy rooted in the ancient traditions where the elite study the secret mysteries of the Universe and handcrafted Art is Sacred.
what do you know about Art?
Your Broomstick is made out of antique hand carved wood.A carpenters will went into making it and that is the will of the Warrior
What does that make me?
A Free Spirit !!!

 

by xxxenon
9-14-05
Do you believe in Illumination and Enlightenment ?
I believe the Law of Nature does not include a self inflicted Air Strike manipulated by a shady Government that thinks they are free from the Law Itself !
It sounds like a Hollywood Movie !
Hollywood is nothing more than mind conditioning and global propaganda ! Hijacking our thought process and making it impossible to reach a higher level of command !
Ya,The Real World doesn't have the editing feature !
It's just a Theory !!! 1

 

by xxxenon
10-01-05
''All Souls Day''
The Pagan New Year is October 31 and I want a Magickal Cat.
I wonder if it is possible to excite the tempests to cause hail,snow,rain and thunder.
Flesh & Bones
Lungs=Air Blood=Water Bones=Earth Mind=Fire Soul=Spirit
Hail Mary ! You have awakened the Spirit of Nature and the power of magic within the 5 elements. ''Good has found a loyal Servant.''

 

by xxxenon
10-02-05
Holy Grail ! I read Dr. Wayne Dyer's book ''Believe It Before You See It" but, this is Supernatural Phenomenom !
Believe It Or Not
Will you go with me to the Bonfire on Halloween ?
Yes,as long as that drunken prankster doesn't show up again. The last time the Witches had a Fire Festival he scared the hell out of me.I ran up a tree and pissed my pants !
Who are you talking about?
Jack O' Lantern !

 

by xxxenon
10-02-05
Dude! Hanging out at Nordstrom's on sale day could be dangerous.There will be nothing but clothes hor's rummaging thru racks...asking us if they look fat !
Ya, and I hate the smell of expensive designer perfume,especially because you cant smell the true essence of a Woman.
Shopping sucks!!!! A Royal Dick.
We have to get Pimp Daddy suits for the Halloween swingers ball at the ranch.The girls are going to dress up like video vixens and cater to our every need.
So,that is what KORN meant when they said ''Life Is Peachy.''
Ya, sex we can smell !

 

by xxxenon
10-03-05
You mean to tell me that the whole time we have been chasing the pussy,it has been nothing more than a designers sales ploy to dull our sense of smell !
Think about it ? Woman dont smell like daisies,only daisies smell like daisies.Would you have sex with a Daisy ?
No wonder why mating is Fucked Up !
Ya, it doesn't take an advertising genius to figure out sex is instinctive.
Spraying perfume is a hazard to the O zone layer and toxic in our lungs ! To think I used to beat off to Daisy Duke !
That is stripper Etiquette !

 

by xxxenon
10-04-05
I know that gem stone is around here somewhere and when I find it the world will be mine for the taking !
The Royal Gem is my ticket to freedom.He who possesses the crown jewel will inherit the throne.Evil will prevail !
Damn boy!!!Your cute when you are mad.Do you want to take a ride on my broomstick?We can pretend it is a Torch Red Mustang with a Kiss !
Can we listen to ''Highway to Hell'' and eat drumsticks ?
Sure! but let's get one thing straight. This graveyard has symbolic energy of Good. The Jade is ours on a Silver platter restoring balance and inner peace.The $apphire is our Kingdom's Wealth !

 

by xxxenon
10-04-05
$apphire's ! That is my favorite strip club in Las Vegas.Beautiful woman serving the needs of my hungry soul. The den of eniquity is open 24 hours and has a Martini Bar !
A Man after my own ego
Is that where you are taking me? grrrrrrrr !
We have sky box seats and a slew of private dancers. Our Chariot awaits
My Father told me I have champagne taste in a bare pocketbook and my eyes are bigger than my stomach !
Well no wonder why you are so Angry ! With that attitude you will never capture American Hearts !

 

by xxxenon
10-05-05
Grrrrrr ! I am the accuserthe great Deciever !
The Sapphire is my birth stone and it is the Covenants protection against Evil !
I feed off of power,wealth and fame without it I will starve to death.Who will dance with the Devil ?
Our relationship is a mutual agreement it is a conditional promise made to Humanity.We are no longer adversaries we are Friends !
Grrrrrr !
Good will prevail !

 

Can I still love Strippers ?
Satin ! if we wern't suppose to love strippers they wouldn't exist.We can thank Hell for that Besides 500.00 dollars buys us 1 hour and VIP Status !
by xxxenon, 10-05-05

 

by xxxenon
10-06-05
He who is mighty will be honored.
I am a servant your Lordship.
Daniel 6:1-28
I command firm and Moral Leadership of sheer intelligence and will.Your commitment will be a sacrifice.
Obedience and faithfulness brought food to Daniel in the Lion's Den.
Food ! fit for a King.Where do you want to go for your First Supper ?
Boston Market !

 

by xxxenon
10-08-05
Dude! What is in the air ventilation system?It smells like Victoria Secret in here...SWEET !
It is a fragrant mixture of dried flowers,petals and spices with a light touch of vanilla. Fragrance should circulate thru out the air !
This is perfect for our fashion show !
Have you ever heard of Phallix ?
www.phallixglass.com/index.php
Ya,it is a company out of Orange County that makes Hand blown glass Sex Toys !
All our guests will recieve a free gift !

 

by xxxenon
10-17-05
33 Degrees
Boston ! Excellent choice.The heritage of Masonry began in the colonies(Boston,Mass) on July 30, 1733
Oh ! Grand Master Of The Royal Secret.I aspire for success as a Hollywood Film Actor.
I appoint you Knight Commander Of The Court Of Honour as an apprentice you will learn the skills of a reality t.v star.
Your Honour ! that is a cheap shot at the crown.Low budget acting is not my style.It is like sending me to the Lion Pit !
To learn the secret of the Grand Cross Of The Court you must follow protocol ! Is there anything you would like to say to the Supreme Mother Council ?
I would like to thank my Scottish friend for setting the stage and giving me this Opportunity !

 

by xxxenon
10-17-05
Military Camp is cutting into my playtime.I want to go home !
Going the extra mile gets you into hard to get into places
My hands are tired.I have been painting all day.What have you done to lift a finger?
''I am a firm believer if you have talent,you will make it in this buisness''
So,this is what you call earning extra credits
''Henry Ford only had a 3rd grade education,and he went on to be one of the most successful buisness Men In History''

 

by xxxenon
10-17-05
Henry Ford also said '' If he didn't know how to do something he hired someone who did ''
You read that book too ?
Acting Camp
Ya,How to get your SAG card and market yourself to Producers and Casting Directors !
You mean to tell me this elaborate set is just a Act !
Grand Inspector General Honorary 33 Degrees.Where are the naked Skinny Dipper's?
Why are you asking me?That's why I hired you !

 

by xxxenon
10-18-05
Why is there a girl layed out flat on the pavement ?
Officer! she is lucky she is just layed out and not dead.The dumb bitch is driving her 1993 Nissan Sentra shit box with total disregard of her surroundings.She side swiped my 2005 Ford Mustang(parked)
Well Miss, it is rainy outside and the weather does make for bad driving conditions
Ya,I was taking that fact into consideration until she said I QUOTE'' I couldn't see out my back window'' Hello ! that is what rear defrost is for Stupid Bitch !
So what your telling me is that you blind sided her to the pavement because she is a negligent driver and your Angry! How do you want me to write it up in my report ?
You can call it PDD Pedestrian Deficient Disorder !

 

PDD
She sounds alot like that Rapper P. Diddy
by xxxenon, 10-18-05

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