All comics by Drefsab

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by Drefsab
12-31-02
Being homeless sure is shitty
At least you have booze
Booze?? This is a molotov cocktail! The capitalist pigs in this high rise are going down!!
Jesus Christ! You'll be tortured and killed by Homeland Security!!
I sleep under a fucking bridge and get shit on by pidgeons...
Wait, don't you need a match?

 

by Drefsab
12-31-02
Jesus Christ, what was in that bottle?
I don't know, Abu Dhabi Yosamavich didn't tell me...
Well, now that we're the last two humans left alive in this city, what should we do?
Wait for the News Media to arrive?
How does my hair look?

 

by Drefsab
12-31-02
Maybe we shouldn't be killing millions of innocent Americans
They have more stuff than we do...
How far to the next city?
About 15 miles

 

by Drefsab
12-31-02
Homeland Security is closing in... We're doomed...
I'M SPARTACUS!

 

by Drefsab
12-31-02
Back to booze
What happened to your weapons of mass destruction?
HomelandSecurity confiscated 'em
Wow! And they didn't throw you in Guantanamo?
Apparently being homeless is punishment enough
Let's organize a hunger strike

 

by Drefsab
12-31-02
Being homeless sucks. I would give almost anything for one of those expensive cups of coffee
If you got the coffee, would you give me your booze?
Sure!
Okay, stay here. I'm gonna kill the rich white prick crossing the street over there.
Don't kill him unless you're sure its French Vanilla

 

by Drefsab
1-01-03
This just goes to show, nothing incurs the wrath of white upper-class citizens like the senseless death of white upper-class citizens
Homeless people die everyday and no one goes to jail...
When you die, can I have your booze?
This isn't booze, its a molotov cocktail. Stand back, we're bustin' out!
Hurry! I think I hear a Homeland Security agent coming... No wait, its just a snake

 

by Drefsab
1-01-03
Escaping from prison makes me hungry
That guard looks appetizing
Let's carry him with us.
You carry him, I'm carrying the booze...
Later...
My stomach feels queasy...
Is there any bone marrow left?

 

by Drefsab
1-01-03
If you woke up one morning and instead of being homeless, you were an overpriveleged rich white person, what would you do?
Keep only the money I need and give the rest to charity
You couldn't do that! All your friends will call you a commie and send Homeland Security after you!!
Oh, hmm... Then I guess masturbate, order expensive coffee, and watch re-runs of MASH
In that order?

 

by Drefsab
1-01-03
Sometimes I wake up with morning wood and wish I was rich
Imagine being able to masturbate whenever you want!
Yes, public indency laws are the bane of our existence
And they wonder why we blow shit up...

 

by Drefsab
1-01-03
We may be homeless, but at least we aren't in the middle class
Yeah, what's the deal with all these people thinking they own their houses?
haha, "Give us your soul for 30 years and that shoddy cookie-cutter building with vinyl siding is all yours...
"But then you'll have to sell it back to us so you can afford long-term care..."
Bastards!
Death to the aristocrats!

 

by Drefsab
1-02-03
So I go up to this guy and say, "brother can you spare a dollar" and he says, "I ain't your brother" and shoved me
So he's dead now?
Yeah, I hit him on the head with my bottle
ouch
Yeah, I felt kind of bad until I found a Starbucks credit card in his wallet
Capitalist Pig

 

by Drefsab
1-03-03
I have a serious question for you...
Do you think rich white people will be in heaven?
They're already in heaven
Oh yeah, I forgot...

 

by Drefsab
1-04-03
Bush is cutting taxes again
So? I don't have a job

 

by Drefsab
1-05-03
Bush is replacing Medicare with a Missile Defense System
Makes sense to me
When America is covered in a radioactive cloud, no one will need medicare anyway
I don't know, I could use some prescription drugs

 

by Drefsab
2-08-03
Why are we going to war with Iraq?
The capitalist pigs are running out of oil for their SUVs
It's a bit cliché in today's discourse to blame things on SUVs isn't it?
No

 

by Drefsab
6-27-03
Well, here we are, now what?
We explain our plight to the president?
Then what?
He has habitat for humanity build us a house?
Jimmy Carter doesn't live here any more
Is that a molotov cocktail?

 

by Drefsab
7-27-03
You followin' the war in Iraq?
Bush says its over.
Tell that to the soldiers dodging IEDs
Fighting for the capitalist overlords is a tough business
At least the Iraqis are free

 

by Drefsab
8-16-03
Mother of God the power's out everywhere
Serves the capitalist pigs right. Let's loot their stores
I could use a new shirt
Wait, we can't loot. Since 9/11 we've become model citizens of the USA
Fuck that, the only thing that's gonna keep me from a new leather halter top is a plane slamming into the Gap

 

by Drefsab
9-19-03
Should I vote democrat or republican?
Study up on the canidates and vote for the one who's view are most likely to agree with yours
Instead, I could foment a workers' rebellion and execute all politicians during Monday Night Football
Our peasant army could invade the Asian continent and liberate our factory and IT jobs
White and blue collars of America unite!!!

 

by Drefsab
9-19-03
I was sleeping in my cardboard box last night and someone drove by playing Imagine on their car stereo...
And I thought to myself, here's this filthy rich hippie prick singing about world peace. What a crock of shit!
Didn't he get shot to death?
Ironic isn't it?
Imagine all his money being willed to me

 

by Drefsab
10-04-03
Go to the edge of the horizon. Pick up rock ZDS84 and bring it back to the ship
UNDERSTAND?
HEY! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING??
idiot

 

by Drefsab
11-24-03
Will you give me oral pleasure?
If you don't I'll get pliers and a blow torch and get medieval on your ass
How many more times are you going to watch Pulp Fiction?
Until Uma Thurman stops OD'ing

 

by Drefsab
11-24-03
Did you see the third Matrix?
Do I look like bandwagon trash to you?
Fine, it sucked
Bandwagon trash

 

by Drefsab
11-24-03
Supposedly there was deep religious meaning in the Matrix trilogy.
Oh there was Siskel. The spirit of the lord spoke to me. I felt my mind awakening to the truth.
Really? Are you now a born again Christian?
No
But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

 

by Drefsab
11-28-03
What does Thanksgiving mean to you?
Another shitty Eddie Murphy movie.
I'm too young too remember, was he really ever funny?
He's still funny Siskel...
Starring in a Halloween movie on Thanksgiving, that's comic genius.

 

by Drefsab
12-03-03
I saw Elijah Wood on Leno tonight.
They showed a clip that had Frodo and Sam looking intensely into each other's eyes.
Hobbit Porn Fan Fiction - Coming soon to an Internet near you.

 

by Drefsab
12-30-03
Welcome back to CNN's Crossfire. Tucker and Carville are on vacation and sitting in today from the left, Jeannie O'Neil, and from the Right, Angela O'Neil.
Let's talk about the Democratic presidential canidates...
Well, Howard Dean is the antichrist prophecied in Revelation who will change the name of Washington DC to Babylon and have mass gay weddings on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial...
I'm so sure...
... And don't get me started on Johnnie Cochrane
You mean Sharpton...
Yeah, Johnnie Sharpton, he's one crazy negro...

 

by Drefsab
12-30-03
Now that I've dropped the bread I can bear a little extra weight in my pack
GIVE ME THE FUCKING RING OF POWER!! NOW GODAMMIT!!
The trilogy is over Elmer
Please don't send me back to the Shire Mr Frodo.... OH GOD PLEASE NOOOO!! WAAAHHHHH!!

 

by Drefsab
12-30-03
What a shitty day
Looks like rain
Even now a dark cloud moves from the East towards Minas Tirath...
JESUS, would you SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY?
Frodo has passed into Mordor, we must create a diversion!

 

by Drefsab
1-04-04
Well our work here is done, San Fransisco has been destroyed.
I wonder why God had us destroy this city.
Who knows, God's ways are mysterious.

So what are you doing tonight?
I don't have any plans... yet...
Cool, mind if I stop by?
Nah, that's cool, wear those cute little panties I like

 

by Drefsab
1-08-04
I'm tired of life on the street so I've taken drastic measures...
I put in an application at Wal-Mart.
Sweet Jesus, have you lost your mind?
In the job preference section I marked Greeter. Imagine, they'll pay me to say Hi and smile at people all day.
What? Do they have a "smelly employees with missing teeth" quota that they have to fill?

 

by Drefsab
1-08-04
So how was your first day as a Greeter at the manifestation of corporate greed and irresponsible consumerism?
Great! Some fat redneck bitch cussed me out. Told me to get my smelly ass back out on the street where I belonged.
How is that great?
All 7 credit cards were declined when she tried to buy a Nintendo Gamecube, a lawn chair, a three-pack of underwear, and four cases of Diet Coke.
Sheesh, I hope I don't have to fight her for a spot in the Soup Kitchen line next week.

 

by Drefsab
1-08-04
Well, Wal-Mart fired me today.
What? Why?
Well, someone in Human Resources took a close look at my application and realized I was a bit light-skinned to be from Abeokuta, Nigeria
That would be a bit of a commute.
I actually feel great though. After two days, the chains of corporate slavery were starting to weigh upon me.
We really should consider blowing that place up...

 

by Drefsab
3-19-04
Kerasotes Theaters welcomes the Southern Hill Baptist Youth Group to The Passion of THE Christ. Please turn off all cell phones, pagers, and Gameboys...
Mom always says I should be a good example to little Billy...
She says, "You need to show him how to be like Jesus," and I never knew what she meant until now.
I can't wait to see the look on his face when I drive the nails through his hands and feet.

 

by Drefsab
11-06-04
I didn't vote
Why?
They wouldn't let me take my booze into the precinct
That's not booze, that's a molotov cocktail
Oh
So your mission was a failure then

 

by Drefsab
1-03-05
At least 1 million people are now homeless on the coastlines of the Indian Ocean...
People all over the world are donating billions of dollars to help them.
What the FUCK?!?? I was homeless first!
Line jumping will not be tolerated.

 

by Drefsab
11-16-13
Did you sign up for insurance on the health exchange?
Hell no
The IRS will fine you
hahahahaha hahahahaha
hahahahaha hahahahaha

 

by Drefsab
11-18-13
Have you seen any benefits from the health care roll-out yet?
Not really
I can get on the exchange and sign up for a variety of plans with federal protections that ensure I get all the health care I need
So what's the problem?
Well it turns out all these insurance plans cost money

 

by Drefsab
11-19-13
All this insurance talk has me thirsty, can I have some of your booze?
This isn't booze, its a molotov cocktail
What are you blowing up now?
The healthcare.gov web servers
Do you ever read those newspapers you sleep on?

 

by Drefsab
11-23-13
If you're going to be carrying around molotov cocktails you really should carry some kind of health insurance
Do you really think a hospital would fail to treat a burn victim with no money?
We're homeless, there's no one to stop them from pulling the plug
Well, the good news is I am very careful with these things
I'm pretty sure it's slipping out of your hand right now

 

by Drefsab
11-23-13
... And then the molotov cocktail exploded and set his balls on fire
I'm sorry ma'am. Would you like to ride in the ambulance with him?
Will it cost me anything?
No ma'am, we will bill him for the ride
That's what you think...

 

by Drefsab
11-24-13
They're discharging me from the hospital today
You look a lot better
Yeah, now that my balls have been surgically repaired I feel like a new man
You don't smell like a new man. Don't they give baths here?
Only if you have insurance
Death to the aristocrats!

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