All comics by lukket

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by lukket
8-05-03
The current administration sucks! It makes me sick.
Ooh... a blow job would be nice. But I'm not sure I got that kind of money.
Hey! I didn't say anything about you having sex with me.
Geez. For free?! That's an offer I can't refuse
I'm outta here. That guy's just too weird. Why does he think, I'm a prostitute?
Excuse me!? Are you that hooker from Stripcreator.com?

 

by lukket
8-05-03
Hi Kaufman. I wonder if you could answer a question?
Why not. I'm eager to help a newbie.
I noticed in this contest that you told someone who was giving you major props to focus on beating your entry. And now I want to make a comic based on that episode.
And that's it?
Yeah. That's about it.
See you when you get an idea that will fit in three frames.

 

by lukket
8-06-03
Oh.. nice... an open News Client. I haven't been on Usenet for a while. I can't even remember why I stopped. Why don't I just give it a try?!
Where did I go then? Let me see. Computer. Visit. Hmm. "soc.politics"
Oh. I suddenly remember...

 

by lukket
8-06-03
Self-diagnostic had issued a warning
I need a fix!
You can't get that here. Try the pimp. He can help with that too.
Can you repair me?
Do I look like a robot repair man?
I need a fix now! The pimp said you was in charge of that.
It sounds like his logic circuits are toasted. Hopefully it's just a faulty RAM module. I better repair him.

 

by lukket
8-07-03
Shouldn't you be working?
Yeah. But I got this totally awesome idea for a cartoon.
I just has this feeling that the boss know about your addiction.
F*** him. He'll never find out.
Meanwhile in the boss' office
Account terminated
That'll teach him not to use the F-word.

 

by lukket
8-07-03
Oh. It's retardman vs. Retardo boy. They're just so retarded.
Hey Retardo Boy. What are you doing with that hammer? Don't you have any pride?
I don't care. It pays very well. You should try it to.
Of course he'll try it. He's retarded.
$25 for hammering nails through your forehead?
He said that it is better than minimum wage.
OK. So he didn't. I bet retardman will do something really retarded now.
And his parents used to say he was such a bright boy.
Hey. It hurts.

 

by lukket
8-08-03
Do you want to go out and get some beers?
No. I planned to Photoshop some images tonight.
Again? I mean you do Photoshops at Fark.com, You are a stripcreator, you post in all kinds of forums and you're the first I know who got a homepage. Aren't you just an attention whore?
No, not if you ask people.
What people?
75% of the visitors at my website disagree with you in a poll I just set up.

 

by lukket
8-09-03
So you claim not to be an attention whore just because a poll on your website backs your claim.
And..?
That's just ironic.
No it isn't. Irony is when something bad happens to you.
Oh no. It's the Alanis Morissette definition of Irony.
"It's like ra-ii-in on your wedding day"

 

by lukket
8-09-03
Blue pages red on AIM
I've been thinking about that attention whore thing.
Why don't you just admit that you've got nothing on me.
Let me ask. What do you expect to gain from your online precense? What do you get from your website and your blog?
I do it for fun and to have an outlet for my creativity. Of course it's also nice to get recognition.
Recognition is just a form of attention.
That depends on your definition of the word "is"

 

by lukket
8-09-03
No. I haven't seen it, and I don't want you to show it to me. Just give me the fries and that cheese burger.
Ha! I guess you tried to make him visit your blog!
I was asking if he wanted to go home and see my stamp collection.
Oh. The humanity.

 

by lukket
8-09-03
Blue is accusing me of being an attention whore.
Yeah. He told me.
He seems to be obsessed by me. Do you think he's coming on to me, because I came out of the closet?
You are gay?
Yeah. Haven't you read that in my blog?
I can assure you that Blue is not in love with you. I guess he's right about that Attention whore thing, though.

 

by lukket
8-09-03
I really think we should do something about Red's attention whoring.
Can't you talk to him? You've told me that you fancy him.
Well. I tried. Besides, he's a self-proclaimed gay now. It says so in his blog.
Oh, that's creepy.
What should we do?
Dinner and a movie tomorrow, you and I?

 

by lukket
8-09-03
Intermission
I represent lukket in legal matters. I strongly apologize for the spelling error in the last strip. lukket didn't mean to use a golf expression. We promise never again to do a bogie like that.
Transmission resumes.
Your best friend whom I adore deeply has just jumped out of the closet, and upon hearing that you invite me on a date?
Yeah...?
Just pick me up at 6 am
I'll be there.

 

by lukket
8-09-03
Blue once again IM's Red.
Uh. I better tell you that I'm having a date with Blonde tonight. I know you were getting close, so I just wanted to inform you.
That's alright. As a matter of fact, I'm also having a date tonight.
I thought you needed work on those pick up lines?
Oh well. I found out that guys are easier. I just asked if he wanted to go to my place to watch the game.
Did you remember to tell him that you are gay?
It's not my fault if he doesn't read my weblog.

 

by lukket
8-09-03
How come Blonde doesn't answer the door?
I could swear we agreed that I picked her up at 6 am in the afternoon.
Dang. I just remembered. Afternoon is pm. Damn English time system.

 

by lukket
8-09-03
How did your date go?
Not well. He thought "gay" means "happy".
It does.
You should have warned me. What about your date with Blonde?
I mistook am for pm. I'm not going to pick her up until 6 am tomorrow morning.
I guess we should have listened better in school

 

by lukket
8-09-03
Early morning at Blue's place:
ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ
Beep beep beep beep
Oh what the... it's 4:30 am
Oh yeah. I got that 6 am date with Blonde
I better get up and get dressed
ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ

 

by lukket
8-09-03
In Blue's bedroom.
Oh. I must have dozed off. Oh my. It's a quarter to six.
I promised to pick up blonde at 6 am.
Gosh. I need to hurry.
Ouch!
"Just leave out the ironing board so it's ready in the morning". What a stupid thought.

 

by lukket
8-09-03
Hi. Sorry I'm late
Late?! It's 6:15 AM. Do you call this late??
But you said 6 AM yesterday?
I meant 6 PM of course. I thought you'd figure that out. We both got to get to work.
Ha! I knew that. I was just kidding.
I should be mad. But he's just so cute when he lies.

 

by lukket
8-09-03
At work...
Damn. I hope Blonde doesn't think I'm mad, just because I showed up to pick her up for a date at 6 AM.
Oh, Blue. Something tells me you're not entirely focused on your job.
Oh. Hi boss. What do you mean?
It's just that we normally don't put hearts in the obituary section.
Oh. I'm sorry. I just have this problem with a girl.
I'm relieved to hear that. I thought you had finally lost it completely.

 

by lukket
8-09-03
6 PM at Blonde's house.
Hi. I came to pick you up.
Nice. Where are we going?
Uh oh. I haven't made reservations. I must think quick.
Well... it's a surprise. Just wait'n'see.
How can you not love this guy?

 

by lukket
8-12-03
Granny Smith goes to file a complaint.
Would you mind turning down the heat. It's mighty hot in here, young man. I tend to get ill in heat.
YOU ARE BURNING FOR YOUR SINS. THERE WILL BE NO REMORSE!
TAKE HER TO THE SAUNA!
I think you're being to harsh! You should be more customer friendly.
But this is Hell and I'm Satan. It's supposed to work that way.
I understand. But it's your attitude that gives Hell a bad name.

 

by lukket
8-15-03
Blue's first date with blonde
Now... where should we go?
It's really nice of you to invite me out. I hope you have found a nice restaurant.
Think quick.
You HAVE found a restaurant, right?
Uhm... well... you see. Hey, That's the one.
"Royale avec fromage"? It sounds french alright, but I just have this funny feeling about it.

 

by lukket
8-15-03
Blue and Blonde on the "Royale avec fromage" Restaurant
The menu is written in French. How do we find out what we are going to have?
Ehm... trust me on this. I have had some french in school
Can I take your order s'il vous plais
Uhm yeah. We start with "Pommes Frites", then for the main course we take the "côtes découvertes" and for the desert we like a "parfait". Together with that we'll drink "lait de poule avec fraise".
You really amaze me. No other guy would have dared ordering French Fries, Spare ribs, sundae and strawberry milk shake on a date. Especially not on a French restaurant.
Phew. No need to tell her, that I just did a hunt and peck on the menu card.

 

by lukket
8-15-03
Later that evening:
Dinner was delicious, and it was a great movie!
Yeah. We should it more often.
That's true. Your company makes me feel so relaxed.
Here it comes.
You're one of my best friends.
Oh no! The "good friend" gambit.

 

by lukket
8-15-03
I'd love to invite you in, but I have to be at work tomorrow.
That's alright. I've got to get to work too.
Why didn't I just invite him in? I really wanted to.
Dang

 

by lukket
8-15-03
11 pm
You're home now? Didn't the date with Blonde go right?
It was nice. But I think she just wants to be friends.
Hey! Steer away from that friendship trap.
But how do I do that?
When I dated Lucy, I had the same experience, but I bought www.lucyiloveyou.com and she was hooked!
And you still claim not to be an attention whore?

 

by lukket
8-15-03
That looks like the suicide thread in the RMDC Forum on Stripcreator.
Yeah. Death is a great spectator sport.
You can't seriously mean that.
Oh come on. Have you ever stopped to see a traffic accident?
Uhm.. yeah, but...
"It's not the same". That's right. There isn't any blood and severed limbs in an online Forum

 

by lukket
8-16-03
Hey! Look out for that old lady, you're driving into her!
It's GTA3. You're supposed to drive into her.
Why?
That's the rules of the game.
You usually hate rules.
Only when they're against me

 

by lukket
8-16-03
Would you like to go out with me some time?
Only if you were the last guy on this freaking planet.
Will you date me now?
Of course, sexy one

 

by lukket
8-16-03
New York struck by power outage
Is it a terrorist attack?
Is it the end of the world?
Has it anything to do with the fact that we Americans don't do anything to stop our excessive power usage?
Grab him! He's being un-american!
Yeah. STFU you God-forsaking tree-hugging hippie!
Oh, sorry. I had my brain turned on. I'll switch it off right now.

 

by lukket
8-16-03
Central Park, NY
That was some power outage, I tell you.
Yeah. It was rough. My computer broke down, and I couldn't use the internet.
I was stuck in the subway for four hours.
Can you believe it. I was sitting in my flat the whole day with no lights and no internet.
OK. You win again. Though I ...
Imagine it. If I had an UPS, I would still have had no Internet connection.

 

by lukket
8-16-03
I no longer think life can bring me anything valuable. I think I want to commit suicide.
That's just stupid. Life is wonderful. If you live your life and listen to your heart, you'll see.
You can't talk me out of it. Right now I'm focusing on the method of death.
Don't be daft. Think of the little African children who have nothing. They would envy you.
Hey. You got a point there. Maybe I should starve myself to death.
Why do I suddenly want to choke him?

 

by lukket
8-16-03
I still can't believe you want to kill yourself!?
Well, I have no friends, my life's a mess, and no-one appreciates my creative efforts.
So suicide will just be a cry for help?
Ehm... yeah. I guess that's true.
So if you kill yourself and someone hears your cry for help, exactly how is that going to help you, if you're dead?
Must. Resist. Logic.

 

by lukket
8-16-03
You know. If the christians are right, you'll go to hell for commiting suicide.
Yeah. But I'm an atheist.
Then you'll know that according to the atheists, Death is the absense of life.
I can live with that. I hate life.
If they're right. There'll be no "you" to celebrate your lack of life.
Damn. The thought of it just freaks me out.

 

by lukket
8-16-03
This strip is based on events in the RMDC Forum
Hey you! Look here! Don't notice me.
Hey, I wasn't noticing you.
Yeah. But you do now. You shouldn't do that.
If I shouldn't notice you, why do you tell me to look at you??
How else can I tell you not to notice me?
You shouldn't say anything. If you hadn't shouted at me, I wouldn't have noticed you. Damn. Why do I even bother.

 

by lukket
8-17-03
The day after...
That stunt thetrebsrock pulled in the suicide thread really left me wondering.
Yeah. Will we ever know if he did kill himself?
That was not my point.
A guy proclaims that he's going to kill himself, and you are not worried?
I just thought: Is it true that The Trebs Rock?
Hmm. That was actually an interesting question.

 

by lukket
8-17-03
The HR manager at Stripcreator wants to meet with me tomorrow.
I wonder what he wants to discuss.
Thank you for coming. We are sorry. But we have to fire you.
Why oh why!?
Oh come on. Quit that. You're just not funny anymore. And don't even think of putting a nail in your forehead.
Aw man. Come on. I'm the king of half-assed jokes.

 

by lukket
8-18-03
Whoa. This is going to be a killer app.
I bet I could make good money by releasing it as shareware.
For that money I will buy a new computer.
Then I will make more good software and make big money on selling my software.
Then I'll buy Microsoft. And computers will crash nevermore.
Oh damnit. Now it crashed and I didn't save.

 

by lukket
8-18-03
Hi. What have you been up to?
Hi mom. I just read "The Ugly Duckling" by Hans Christian Andersen
Did you like it?
Oh yes. I really learned something from it.
You learned, that it doesn't matter where you are born, if you are destined for something great?
No. I learned that true happiness comes from your looks.

 

by lukket
8-19-03
After years of tinkering, Microsoft marketing appears.
I present to you: Microsoft Windows Server 2003
Wow. Nice interface elements everywhere.
And the .NET support is great.
And it addresses an awful lot of issues
Yeah. It's better than any windows, that we ever saw!
But he hasn't shown you the actual software!?

 

by lukket
8-19-03
Hey, are you still mocking that guy who says he committed suicide?
Well... he was asking for it.
How can you say that. Wasn't he a human being like you and... ehm.. like other human beings?
He gave his sister his password.
He gave away his password? I hope he ends up in Hell.
Once a sys admin always a sys admin.

 

by lukket
8-19-03
Have you heard that Steve nearly died in that car accident.
Yeah. But I think he was lucky.
Lucky? He's paralyzed from the neck and down. I don't think that's lucky.
Well, his insurance paid off so well that he doesn't have to move a finger ever again.
He CAN'T move a finger.
Yeah. Could you get a more bulletproof excuse?

 

by lukket
8-20-03
Let me see, if I've got new mail. Whoa! Tons of them: "Wicked screensaver", "thank you", "approved"...
A lot later
You're still busy reading mail??
Yeah. I've gotten a lot today, but the thing that bugs me is that the attachments don't seem to work.
I guess that's because your Mac is immune to the sobig-f worm.
I don't care about penis enlargement spams, I just want to see that Wicked Screensaver!

 

by lukket
8-22-03
Who's the single most significant person in the world?
I am. Thank you for me, mom. I wish you a happy Mother's Day.

 

by lukket
8-23-03
Dear brother,
we heard some news that made us sad
They say that you have lost your dad
It seems the stroke he got was bad
But it will surely make you glad
to know that we're the sisters you didn't know you had.

 

by lukket
8-23-03
I like Bush best.
I like Dean best.
Dean is an bloody moron!
And Bush is an asshat!
Daddy. Mike and Mark are fighting. Tell them to stop!
That's okay Martha. They're not fighting. They're having a political discussion on democratic terms.

 

by lukket
8-23-03
I prefer Arnold Schwarzenegger.
I prefer Gary Coleman.
Gary Coleman is gay!
Arnold Schwarzenegger is a bad actor!
Dad. Now Mike and Mark are fighting over actors! Shouldn't you stop them now?!
No Martha. They're just having a healthy democratic discussion over the Governor Race in California.

 

by lukket
8-23-03
I hate Coleman! Schwarzenegger has a small penis!
Guys, stop fighting. Dinner's ready.
Daddy. Mike and Mark are beating up eachother over the California Governor Race.
OK, Martha. I'll deal with it right away.
Coleman stinks! Schwarzenegger hasn't got a clue!
Stop the fight guys. It's Larry Flynt who should win. If it hadn't been for him, you two would never have been born.

 

by lukket
8-23-03
What are we waiting for exactly?
We're waiting for Digger's comics to be legible.
Nothing has changed. What are you gonna do now?
Fnid teh 1337-tarnsl8r 4 U

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