All comics by stephabitch

 

by stephabitch
5-15-11
Why he didn't leave the 1st time.
I'm leaving you. I'm going back to my wife.
No, you're not.
Why he didn't leave the 2nd time.
I'm leaving you. I'm going back to my wife.
Not until you attend some counseling to see if that's really what you want to do. And I say you don't really want to leave.
Why he will never leave her...
I'm leaving you. I'm going back to my wife. And why are you sleeping with a gun under your pillow?
To remind you that I hold your balls in this relationship.

 

by stephabitch
5-15-11
2 years ago
How are the wedding plans coming along, dear?
So far, so good. I just have to convince him to leave his wife.
6 months ago
How are the wedding plans coming along, dear?
So far, so good. I just have to convince him to divorce his wife.
Present day
How are the wedding plans coming along, dear?
So far, so good. I just have to convince him to marry me.

 

by stephabitch
5-15-11
If your wife really loved you, she would have picked you up from the airport.
She doesn't know how to drive a stick shift.
If your wife really loved you, she would let you go.
If you really loved me, you would let me go.
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
!

 

by stephabitch
5-15-11
Dear, you really ought to stop getting involved with unavailable men. First, there was Alex...
Mom, Alex wasn't "unavailable". We were just sleeping together until his girlfriend put a stop to it.
Now, you're involved with MJ...
Also "not unavailable". Believe me, he's available to me every night.
If you want attached men so much, why don't you just post an ad on ashleymadison.com?
Because you have to be married to post. I'm having an affair now to get married, and then I can post. Mom, don't you know anything about the internet?

 

by stephabitch
5-15-11
Mom, I don't understand. I sent his wife a message through Facebook describing the affair because he was too wimpy to do it himself. She was supposed to have kicked him out.
Instead, she forgave him.
And then, I finally got him to move out after 2 years of nagging him about it. She was supposed to never speak to him again.
Instead, they spend more time together than ever before.
I've done everything I can think of to destroy their relationship and they are still man and wife! What am I doing wrong?
You're too nice, dear.

 

by stephabitch
5-15-11
I just spoke to my mum. She said my wife sent them a scathing letter about how I left her.
Did you tell her that I am the love of your life?
My mum's upset. My dad is too shocked to say a thing. My wife didn't describe me in a good light.
But you can describe the love of your life in a good light...
OMG!!! I think I did a horrible thing by leaving her! What am I going to do?
I'm sure your parents would love to meet the love of your life. I'll pack my bags.

 

by stephabitch
5-16-11
Now listen, Alaska. Mommy is having a new friend come live with us. That means I won't be able to spend as much time with you as before.
You hardly walk me as it is. One block before you run out of breath is not walking the dog.
Unfortunately, Mommy's new friend doesn't like dogs. You'll have to sleep out on the balcony from now on.
Gives me a chance to howl at the moon. Awesome!
And Mommy needs you to wear your shock collar at all times. Mommy can't have you making noise while she and her new friend make their own noises, if you know what I mean.
grrrr...

 

by stephabitch
5-19-11
MJ, it says here that men can expect to spend at least 11% of their income on the purchase of an engagement ring.
That's great news.
REALLY?!? Does this mean...
Exactly!
As a student, I have no income. 11% times $0 income equals no ring for you.
...

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