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| I am the Phantom Critic. I stalk my prey while they sleep peacefully in the night. | |
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| While all in Ivytopia slumbers in tranquility, I stalk soundlessly through the world wide web in hopes of finding comedy that is not to my liking so that I may SMASH IT and ruin another person's day! | |
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| Sure one could argue that my main purpose in life is to ruin funny people's reputations while being a giant pussy and not placing my name when giving negative feedback ... | |
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| Others could argue that I'm a disgruntled n00b that couldn't get laid by a $2.00 crack whore with a festering case of ass herpes. Or maybe --- | |
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| Or maybe you just insulted the queen of Ivytopia and you're about to get a golf club shoved so far up your nasal cavity that only the jaws of life could pry it out. | |
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