All comics by CGandtheSSS

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by CGandtheSSS
7-27-07
The other day I was picking up a pizza from Little Ceasar's and when I pulled into my parking space I noticed there was some sort of loose dog in the grass.
Some sort of loose wolf dog?
He was sniffing around and I was afraid to leave the car with the delicious pizza and crazy bread, but I had to get home with the pizza before it got cold.
Did the dog attack you?
Actually, by the time I finally worked up the courage to get out of the car, he was already across the street and completely ignored me.
You're a coward.

 

by CGandtheSSS
7-27-07
I can't believe someone could do this to another human being.
This is no place for an apprentice carpenter.
I'm only an apprentice until my check cashes.
This is no place for an almost not apprentice carpenter.
I was doing some work on this floor just yesterday.
You did a fine job.

 

by CGandtheSSS
7-27-07
Look, I know you're just a squirrel and you have no idea what I'm saying, but I need you right now... You're my only friend.
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU REQUIRE?
My boss is in the other room and I promised him he could sleep with my wife. I eventually told him I didn't have a wife and that I only lived with a squirrel and he said he was fine with that.
Once I told him you were a male squirrel that sealed the deal. He wants to have sex with you.
I LOVE YOU.

 

by CGandtheSSS
7-27-07
You know, the thing I enjoy the most about is that you can hang it on the wall.
Interesting...
Don't you ever just look at art hanging on your walls and get an erection?
No. I can't say that it does.
Is there anything in the world where just thinking about it gives you a raging hard on?
BLACK WOMAN RIDING TRACTORS!

 

by CGandtheSSS
7-27-07
This gingerbread house is a real steal. I'll sell it to you for 5 dollars.
I'm not sure my family and I can live in a gingerbread house comfortably.
Well, when you wanna move, just eat it. You'll get your 5 dollars worth.
The thing is... I'm sort of out of work right now...
Say no more. I'll give it to you for 5 dollars.
I just don't know if I can afford it.

 

by CGandtheSSS
7-27-07

 

by CGandtheSSS
8-02-07
I wish I had a roommate.
The roommate rocking out.
Maybe I'm oh with no roommates.

 

by CGandtheSSS
8-03-07

 

by CGandtheSSS
8-03-07
Son, your mother and I were snooping through your room and we found a rather large bag of marijuana.
Of course you did. You were in my room.
I'm only gonna ask you this once. Do you have a marijuana problem?
Other then my dad snooping around my room looking for it?
Other than that.
No.

 

by CGandtheSSS
8-03-07
Well, Chen. I'd like to start by welcoming you to my bedroom. Welcome!
Thanks. It's a pleasure to be here.
I'd like to shake your hand.
I'd love to shake your hand.
Now that the pleasantries are out of the way how about I insert my penis into your rectum?
Ok.

 

I called into work sick today cause I woke up with a bad case of the shits.
by CGandtheSSS, 9-12-07

 

by CGandtheSSS
9-26-07
You call yourself a clown?
I call myself Chuckles the clown.
Look buddy, we've come along way since killing kids and stuffing them in our crawl spaces. Get a more modern get up.
I kinda like this out it's--
GET A NEW OUTFIT CHUCKLES OR I'M GONNA TIE YOU UP AND FEED YOU ABORTED FETUS!!!
I'll see what I can do.

 
by CGandtheSSS, 10-16-07

 

by CGandtheSSS
10-16-07
Hey there Gary.
Hi there Stan. Why are you in my backyard?
GARY! My main man. Whats up?
Did you sleep in my yard again?
I did.
Please stop. Thanks a bundle.

 

by CGandtheSSS
10-16-07
Young man, I'm your substitute for the day. My name is Mr. Kostner.
You're short.
That's right Kevin Kostner.
Shouldn't you be taller?
That's right, I am the actor Kevin Kostner.
Can we get to the fractions already?

 

by CGandtheSSS
10-16-07
You wanna explain why you're in your underpants son?
You aren't my dad.
WHY YOU IN YO UNDAPANTS?
Why do you talk dumb when you get angry?
You're under arrest.
For what officer? Cause I can't afford pants? Fuck you pig, I'll be out in an hour.

 

by CGandtheSSS
10-16-07
I got the job at the hermit crab kiosk at the mall! Everything is going to be ok.
Everythings going to be ok? That job only pays six fifty an hour. I make more than that sweeping up hair at grandma's salon.
WHY CAN'T YOU BE HAPPY FOR ME?
You just aren't the best of moms. I'm sorry.
That's ok sweetie. Let me heat you up a Hungry Man TV dinner.
Thanks alot.

 

by CGandtheSSS
10-16-07
I brought you home a present from work.
I told you this morning that I didn't want a hermit crab.
Who says it's a hermit crab? It could be anything!
It's a fucking hermit crab.

 

by CGandtheSSS
10-16-07
Linda... You look very sexy.
I don't think that's appropriate sir.
Let me just touch you! I need to feel your.... smoothnes.
You're fired.
You aren't my boss. You're just a creepy customer at a hermit crab kiosk.

 

by CGandtheSSS
10-16-07
I get harrassed by twelve customers today. I had to quit.
It's always someone else's fault.
Those men were... leering at me.
You aren't wearing a bra.
The uniform didn't come with one.
You supply your own uniform mom.

 

by CGandtheSSS
10-16-07
Hey kiddo. I'm your new dad.
My mom married the hamburgler?
Nah, I rob banks and trains and stuff.
What year are you from?
1929
How did mom get access to a time vortex?

 

by CGandtheSSS
10-24-07
Just leave a witty comment. I'm concerned.
P.S. I'm drinking hot chocolate and it's a wednesday night.

 

by CGandtheSSS
11-07-07
Excuse me chef, but could I please get a Coke?
Is Pepsi ok?
No it is not!

 

Brains!
by CGandtheSSS, 12-05-07

 
by CGandtheSSS, 12-05-07

 

by CGandtheSSS
12-05-07
Jay Leno is it true that you are paying your writers yourself during the writer's strike?
Yeah, that's right.
Is it true that you're going to pay them through the holidays?
Well... We'll see about that. Right now it's on a weekly basis. I'll get back to you with the financials later.
It was a pleasure to talk to you Jay Leno.
I'm Jay Leno.

 

by CGandtheSSS
12-10-07
I picked you for Secret Santa. What do you want for a gift?
I got you for Secret Santa. Why don't we jsut spend the 25 dollars on ourselves?
Do you not like me?
Talk to me.
I didn't get you in the Secret Santa. I just know that you're too poor to afford to buy gifts and I was trying to do you a favor.

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