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RING. You have reached Aspen Edge, the super-premium low-carb beer with the great taste. Please leave a message after the beep.
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| Hello, Aspen Edge. I've never called beer before. Your radio ad campaign, where a series of skeptical wiseacres call and leave you sarcastic messages doubting that you could really brew ... | |
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| ... a low-carb beer with great taste, would be hysterically, fall-down funny if it HAD great taste. If it had any taste at all. But it doesn't. | |
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| BEEP. Aspen Edge? Isn't it true that if one drinks enough beer that switching to a low-carb brand is going to make a difference in one's diet, that one is not only fat, but an alcoholic? | |
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| BEEP. Aspen? Can't I make my own low-carb beer by mixing Bud and water 50-50? BEEP. Ass? I feel I know you by now. Can't I drink distilled spirits and get no carbs? Why would I drink this donkey piss? | |
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| BEEP. Hallo dere! You is de low carber and I is de low carbee. When you be makin' a low-carb malt liquor in a 40? My baby mother be gettin fat in the bootay. And I gots to make a bootay call. BEEP. | |
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| Is your refrigerator running? Better go catch it! BEEP. BEEP. Um, isn't this just light beer? BEEP. Why is Aspen Edge like making love in a canoe? Give up? BEEP. Are you any relation to The Edge? | |
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