All comics by Chaly

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by Chaly
11-30-02
Right. My creator wants an introduction. Well, you can call me "Chaly". I work in a cookie shop.
No... wait. That's not right. Let me start over.
You can call me "Chaly". I work in Hell.
Hey, boss.
Greetings. Now go stock snickerdoodles.

 

by Chaly
11-30-02
Hurr.. Samples? I'll take the whole tray. Ha ha ha! Just joking.
Right, that's enough.
Hey, cool, samp--HOLY CRAP!
You sure you don't want a sample? I can mop him up if it makes you feel better.
Erm, no, I'm fine.

 

by Chaly
11-30-02
After fifteen minutes of similar questions...
That's the Sugar Cookie, ma'am.
I see... hm.
And that's the Double Fudge. You've asked about this three times--would you like to buy anything?
No, no. I'm just looking. Thank you.
Hey, neat, what kind of cookie is THAT?
Bloody Flesh Ripple. Wana try it?

 

by Chaly
12-01-02
Halloween.
Are you giving out candy yet?
No.
Are you giving out candy yet?
No.
Are you giving out candy yet?
IT'S 1 IN THE AFTERNOON! NO! NO BLOODY CANDY! BUGGER OFF AND GO BUG THE DISNEY STORE!

 

by Chaly
12-01-02
Later that day.
Are you giving out candy yet?
Are you giving out candy yet?
Are you giving out candy yet?
Are you giving out candy yet?
Are you giving out--AAARGH!!
No. Next.

 

by Chaly
12-01-02
Hm... and how much is each cookie, you say?
It'll be $1.39 each, sir.
The price! It is too expensive! I must mourn my inability to purchase a cookie, now.
Need a hammer?
Thank you, kind saleslady.
Hey, Jessica! Need any more Bloody Flesh Ripple up front?

 

by Chaly
12-01-02
What do you mean, you can't lower the price for your Lord and Savior? I'm Jesus! JESUS!
Against company policy, sir.
Fine! I damn you to Hell!
Sorry. Already beat you to it.
HEY! Didn't I tell you to restock the snickerdoodles?

 

by Chaly
12-01-02
Somewhere in the back room...
aaagh... no... stop... grgle... glrk....
Man, I knew our rat problem was getting bad, but still..
Wait 'til you see what us cockroaches did to the baker...
AAAAAGH!

 

by Chaly
12-01-02
Rrrgh... mrgh... coffeeeee....graaaah... NOW!
Quadruple cappucino, double foam dollop, extra cinnamon and curly chocolate shavings? $4.25, please.
Have a nice day, sir. Enjoy your QC2FD+C/CCS.
Time to paint me some abstract art of the Virgin Mary with peanut butter and my overly-cliched artist's goatee!
That was pretty neat. Does he always change shape like that?
Yeah. Java Junkie Joe's a real dinosaur before he gets caffeine in his system.

 

by Chaly
12-01-02
Alright, the boss guy designed a mess of new uniforms. Being the new girl, you get to test them out.
....Excuse me for a moment, boss.
Why me, God!? WHY ME!?

 

by Chaly
12-01-02
This is the first uniform he thought of. He likes to think of it as "the simple approach".
Well. You look... uh...
Go on, say it.
You look depressed.
I prefer "blue".

 

by Chaly
12-01-02
And, this would be the so-called "Captain Cook-ie" outfit...
Ahoy, matey! Gimme yer order or I'll cut yer throat out, you scurvy, landlubbing, cookie-grubbing son of a sea biscuit!
Well, next, we have "Chocolate Chip and the Seven Dwarves"...
Abandon ship! Abandon ship!

 

by Chaly
12-01-02
Well, this is the last one. Come on out.
....Hey.... that one's GOOD!
I...I have the sudden urge to sell sodas for $1.50 each...

 

by Chaly
12-01-02
I thought you guys were getting new uniforms?
Well, yeah.
What happened to them?
Funding was cut. The budget can't afford it. We're having a fundraiser.
So how much is that cookie cooling containment device, then?
300 dollars, or 450 for both of them.

 

by Chaly
12-02-02
We interrupt this program... It's come to my attention that some think I am a bit dense. They say that I should 'include punchlines and actual humor'.
Insisting that I am being 'angsty'. (I prefer the phrase 'faintly exaggerating'...) They fault me for using the same backgrounds most of the time, and the same characters.
Let's look at this particular accusation. Well, for one, I work in a cookie shop. You know. In a building? So I'm sorry if I don't find constant use for the 'psycho' or 'desert3' backgrounds.
Now, let us reflect on this 'recurring characters' problem. There is such a thing called continuity. If my character is a brunette for five strips, it would make no sense...
to have her be a pink donkey the next moment. Unless the story called for it, of course. And the demons generally signify management, so demons they shall stay.
However, I am willing to change my ways, albeit momentarily, to sate the appetites of the teeming masses.
Shoot me now.
Dood man ur a fagot! yer so gay. insert obligatory drug reference here.
shut up dragonxero sux big donkeyrocks man!!!! sex, sex, sex, look, some black guy is stealing my car radio!

 

by Chaly
12-02-02
Say, you don't have any domino cookies, do--ARRRGH!
Heh. Heh, heh. No. Let's see, now, that makes five...
Uh... Chaly... by wanting a high customer count, we mean how many you SELL to.
Really? ...Damn.
I must admit, you're pretty handy with that mop, though...

 

by Chaly
12-05-02
This place needs more punchlines!
What do you think this is? A comic?
.......
......Whoa.
That blinking sound is existence destroying itself.
Damn.

 

by Chaly
12-05-02
As space and time as we know them have ceased to exist, our heroine pauses and ponders..
Okay... so... if I destroyed everything...and this is just a comic... I ought to be able to bring it back, right?
Alrighty... gotta focus, now... concentrate real hard...
Poof.
This is most certainly NOT what I was expecting.
Peanuts, ma'am?

 

by Chaly
12-05-02
I call upon the power of The Creator to help me!
Can do.
Alright! This is great!
What are you talking about? You're still going to die on this airplane.
Yeah, but how often do dinosaurs get to wear hats?
You're missing the point, here.

 

by Chaly
12-05-02
Funny, after this many panels, you'd think the plane would've crashed already.
Er, pardon me...
........
I don't like the idea of dying on an empty stomach, so if you don't mind, I'd like to tear your belly open and spill your guts all over the aisle. Is this okay with you?
This wouldn't happen to be my punishment for mocking your background choice, would it?
Yup.

 

by Chaly
12-05-02
I don't like this anymore! This is scary!
TAKE ME HOME!
Alright.
Poof.

 

by Chaly
12-05-02
AIGH!...Oh. I'm back at the cookie shop. Good.
You're late. We're claiming rights to your firstborn child now.
....Can't The Creator make you a bit less... pure evil?
Sorry. Even Her abilities aren't that unlimited.
Well, it's true!

 

by Chaly
2-09-03
That'll be $1.39, ma'am.
Let me get out my pennies, young'un... 1...
...2...
...3...
I'm going on break, Jess. Be back in 20.
...4... No, no, that's a button...

 

by Chaly
2-09-03
One night in a pub... in... England. Yes.
Heeey, aren't you Vincent Van Gogh?
That I am.
You're my idol! Come on, I'll buy you a pint.
N'thanks, love, I got one 'ere.
Our apologies.

 

by Chaly
2-11-03
One Moo Goo Gai Pan, please. And a tea.

 

by Chaly
2-13-03
Dammit, how am I gonna keep the Mackenzie files together? I'm out of paperclips...this is a million dollar client!
Hey, I know. You got a stapler, man?
Smartass.

 

by Chaly
2-14-03
Feb. 12, 2003.
Hey, can I order a cookie cake for Valentine's Day?
Yeah, alright.

 

by Chaly
2-14-03
Feb. 13, 2003.
Can I order a cookie cake for Valentine's Day?
Sure, we don't mind doing pre-orders.

 

by Chaly
2-14-03
Feb. 14, 2003.
I ordered a cookie cake ten minutes ago! Why haven't you done it yet!? Are you slow or something?
How much is that cookie? And that one? Do I get icing? Do I get to write it? Can I have M&M's? Can I have 300 words on it? No, I don't want one, thanks.
What do you MEAN forty minute wait? I'm in a rush! Now! I want it now! Your customers who actually pre-ordered can wait!
Like, can I, like, have you write, like, to my best--no, uh, put, uh, Happy Valen--no, no, I want you to write, like, well, whatever, what do most people have?
Dammit, I want that one! The one on the display! And don't tell me it's been there for three weeks, you're a liar! You're all lying so you can slack off! Where's the manager?
I hate you all. May crab lice infest your nether-regions.

 

by Chaly
2-18-03
Alright, lady, this is the Narrator speaking. I'll grant you three wishes.
Oh, heavens to betsy... well, I wish I were young and beautiful.
And now I wish I were rich.... really rich.
Yarr! Here's the map to me buried treasure!
And now, I wish my cat were a handsome young man...........Oooooh, NICE.
Ha, I'll bet you're sorry you had me neutered.

 

by Chaly
2-22-03
In the main office of the cookie shop...
Management has been thinking. You're a hard worker and you run a fierce cookie kiosk.
And? If you're here to state the obvious, piss off, I have customers waiting.
Ah! That's exactly what we like to see. You've been promoted to Shift Leader!
Alright! About time.
Your new uniform fits you well.
I can feel my very soul dissolving within my chest... ahhh...

 

by Chaly
2-22-03
Please, miss, can I have a cup of ice? My mother is on that bench...I have no money... she has a 104 degree fever... her brain is sizzling in her skull... she gasps for breath, as her lungs fry...
It's fifty cents for a cup of ice. No exceptions.
Hmm... should it bother my conscience that I was the only one that could have saved that little girl's mother from a horrific death by raised temperature?
....Naaaaah.

 

by Chaly
2-22-03
Hey, underling that was previously a coworker and great friend of mine! I thought I told you to stack the large cups!
What's the big deal? You never used to until there were just five left...
Nonsense. I was never a weak little salesperson like you. Do not contradict the Shift Leader!
Yeah, okay, sorry. I'll go stack up some large cups.
...
And I'm writing you up for talking to me when you should have been doing your job!

 

by Chaly
2-22-03
Oh, you haven't got any legs! Well, here, let me hand this soda down to you.
Thanks, ma'am.
Watch out for that tree around the--
*POOF*
...This can't be good.

 

by Chaly
2-22-03
You showed a sign of consideration for others at work today. I'm afraid that isn't allowed for upper level workers.
You mean... I'm... Oh no! WAIT!
BANNED!
There weren't enough chips in that chocolate chip cookie you just sold me.
*sob*

 

by Chaly
3-01-03
Okay, how much for a slice of ca--hey, what's that guy doing in the backroom!?
Oh. He's the Cookie Junkie. Right now, he's trying to snort an oatmeal cookie through a dollar bill.
Really? How's that working?
Not too well.
So far, the most he's accomplished is hyperventilating and getting a raisin stuck in his sinuses.
Help... me...

 

by Chaly
3-01-03
Dum dum de dum.. do di do..
*poke*
...?
...Ahhhh.
Dammit! I thought I told you to quit mainlining the fudge icing!
Carol Anne... go into the light...

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