All comics by ClayMaster94

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by ClayMaster94
11-13-03
Fine. He'll figure it out on his own.
Fuck you! You need to leave now, you're bringing down my party worse than Lower and the cops combined.
I don't care, he was an asshole anyways.
Matt, dont you think you were a little hard on him? I mean, he was just doing his job by warning you about alchohal poisoning.
I am here to collect the soul of Matthew Dunlap...
... shit.

 

by ClayMaster94
11-13-03
Another hippie kid shows up this week and Elliott is getting annoyed.
So I was totally like at this commune, and there was like, uh, you know, naked chicks and pot *cough*.
He just doesn't understand that I don't care.
The kid thinks he can talk music to Puci.
So then I started this really cool band and we mostly play Phish and Zappa tunes, but we're pretty good. How's your band going?
Oh yeah? Well my 18th release is coming out this summer.
And as the legend goes, hippies can only be killed by fire.
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Well someone had to break the curse of the hippies...

 

by ClayMaster94
11-13-03
NEFFSSSSS!!!!!!
Tom, quiet down.
Hey Barb, you know you wanna see "TALIBAN TOM"!!!
Not really.
Karl doesnt have a wheel chair in this strip but he does have other problems.
At least I can come outside and have a smoke with my old friend Dennis... I mean Karl.
Just someone else stealing my cigarettes.

 

by ClayMaster94
11-14-03
Elliott's 21st...
Happy Birthday Mr. Elliott...
Um...
Barb get's her dance.
Yeah you like that? Aren't I sexy?
Aw, just, aw, they look like nunchakus.
Tom tries to get his.
Barb, Shhhhhh... So baby, what are you into?
Pain. Hey can I have a break to smoke a cigarette.

 

by ClayMaster94
11-14-03
Oh, hey Tim, is Matt home?
No Brad, hes out getting the beer. Sit down I'm Watching commando.
2 Minutes later.
Hey guys, is Jessie home?
Hey guys does this rash on my chest look bad?
Tim and Brad Have suddenly developed Telekenetic Communication.
Tim, do you wanna handle this one?
Not at all.

 

by ClayMaster94
11-15-03
Down in the slopes of the south side
Moses, remember that time you were being a total dick?
You mean the time where I kicked the A-1 bottle Matt? Not really, I was pretty fucked up.
Well, thats not quite what I was talking about man. Do you ever wonder what happend to those guys?
Well, fuck those guys man, we're better off with out them. Let's get loaded and listen to techno!
Back at OVIDA.
Hey Matt, remember Moses and Ken? What do you think is going on with them these days?
Fuck those guys, they're probably listening to techno and getting loaded.

 

by ClayMaster94
11-16-03
I can't take this disrespect anymore. I have to kill him...
Karl, you look so gay with that knife. Give me a smoke.
Karl thinks back to the time he and Tom first met as kids.
Hey man, the Dare Devil shirt looks soooo stupid on you. But you should hook me up with that ice-cream cone.
Dammit, I hate fond memories.
Alex, I mean Karl, get back here... Where is my smoke?

 

by ClayMaster94
11-17-03
Continuing the saga of yesterday. Karl plots again to off Tom.
I hope no one sees me...
Will karl do it?
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
No dont hurt me please... I swear I'll buy my own cigarettes from now on...
Dear god, why do I always grab the daisies instead of the hammer?
Nice flowers fag...

 

by ClayMaster94
11-18-03
And now a pubic service announcement.
Oh man, I need a smoke. Oh hey Karl, it's a little cold out here isn't it?
No Joe, not when you've got classic literature at your fingertips, "... and then Gene jounced the limb causing Finneys to fall to the ground and break his leg."
Oh man, A Seperate Peace by John Knowles (available at your local library)? I haven't thought about that book in like eight years.
I know duder, and think of all the other great books we've been missing out on. Hey maybe we should get everyone reading the good stuff.
Two legs bad, four legs good! Two Legs bad, FOUR LEGS GOOD!!!!
And then, the engine tried going up the hill, "I think I can, I think I can," he said. Alright, next stop: chapter books.

 

by ClayMaster94
11-24-03
Hey Elliot what do you think happened to princess?
Oh, damn not this one again.
I mean, I know you, me, and Karl are hooked up but at least for Joe, you should invite her again.
You and Tom said Sara had "snaggle teeth" so she and princess wont come over anymore... I told you that last week!
Hey Eli, what ever happened to that sweet 'Princess Chick' I had a chance with her man. Hey, got a smoke?
And people wonder why I'm so quiet all of the time.

 

by ClayMaster94
11-24-03
Hi Tom, suprised you remembered my name..?
HEY ALLEN!!! BUDDY how you doing man?!
Hey how are the drill weekends going for you... hold up I didn't even ask you yet!
No.
HEY ALLEN, hows those drill weekends going... I mean hey Karl, how bout's a smoke.

 

by ClayMaster94
11-24-03
Tom has a dream, a revelation if you will.
Thomas!! oh THOMAS!!! I am your dream, the ultimate smoke, the one which you can never attain.
Why can't I have you, and why do I look like this wierd fag who sits in a corner and reads Kafka?
You are a manifest of whom you long to become... why do you read Kafka fag?
You're a fag. God dammit, I really do wanna read Kafka!
So become who you wish, and you will attain me...
I'll do it!

 

by ClayMaster94
11-24-03
Jessie's first appearance... YAY.
Alright Jessie, listen.
No, I'm not going to listen, I dont smoke anymore. Go bug Karl!
No, you're the only person who I can ask and not sound like a moron... Who is Franz Kafka?
He's a Czech-born writer whose posthumously published novels express the alienation of 20th century man. Kafka's nightmares of dehumanization have much in common with the works of George Orwell...
2 hours later...
During the last two and half years of his life Kafka finished his best work, "Ein Hungerkünstler", in which the hero is left to die unwatched in his unusual profession. I hate you Tom.
Oh, wait, I'm sorry... I wasn't paying attention. But I just remembered I gotta go see Karl about this Kafka guy.

 

by ClayMaster94
11-24-03
Tom's ongoing quest...
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Alright duder.
And then I said, "Dude, put me in more comics, it is my fucking house man," Then he crumpled up like a little bitch, guess thats why he isnt here this week. I'm gonna get another beer.
Don't ask. I'm on the patch.
Hey, be fair I wasn't even going to ask about... what was I going to ask about?
Later that night.
... and that is why Thomas, that you will never attain a cigarette of desire such as myself
Damn my Schadian nature.

 

by ClayMaster94
11-24-03
Six comics in one day?!!! I took a break, so sue me.
It's been a whole lot easier since fuckin Tom left town.
It's been a whole lot happier without his face around
Spin Doctoring Tom.
Nobody upstairs gonna stomp and shout Nobody at the back door gonna throw my laundry out
He hold the shotgun while you do-si-do, He want to be the one man made of Cyrax and Kano
Been a whole lot easier since the dumbass is gone
Little miss, little miss, little miss can't be wrong... oh wait I get it you guys are makin fun of me... well I'm OUTTA HERE!!!

 

by ClayMaster94
11-25-03
Where do you think everyone is?
Running late I guess...
Handicapable Jokes Rox My Sox
Come on duder, can't you walk a little faster?
Asshole.
Karl... Run... Heh Heh Heh....
That was just mean.

 

by ClayMaster94
12-02-03
What can these two men possibly have in common? A very odd connection indeed.
Matt Dunlap about 11:59:30 P.M. on 6/13/04
Alright in about thirty seconds all of my dreams come true!!!!
Miko Halas about 11:59:30 P.M. on 6/13/04
Thirty seconds till the Olsens are legal doo-dah doo-dah....

 

by ClayMaster94
12-02-03
So uh... Tony found out about the comic...
How?
Brad showed Schad the strip and since he stopped coming no one has been able to ask him why....
This ought to get very interesting.
This guy is pretty damn boring.
So then they wrote something about me being in 'nam. Im too young... my dad saved a whole unit of troops though... Hey didnt you say you wanted to know about the cold front moving through?

 

by ClayMaster94
12-03-03
What the warriors are thinking of right THIS SECOND!
Oh man, another beer would be great.
Mmm... big black cock... I mean big black cake...
I dont look like fucking Beatle Bailey.
I dont wear a K-mart frock... assholes.
I wonder if I can photoshop Lois Griffin naked? Should the drapes match the carpet...

 

by ClayMaster94
1-06-04
Been a while huh? hAPPY hOLIDAYS
Did you want anything for christmas that you didnt get little girl?
Lose this stupid vest.
Let me work some of my wheel chair magic...
Um.... I think I liked the vest.
So be it... and this genie only grants two wishes.
Dick.

 

by ClayMaster94
1-06-04
Giving everyone his gifts a little late Karl Klause gets to the last of his list Elliott.
So Elli what would you like this year for Chanukah?
Some good will toward men... and maybe some hooch?
Shit. I mixed the two.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
*cough*
Quick, clean me up before Pisser gets to me.

 

by ClayMaster94
1-07-04
Due to a request Josh Glick is back.
What's goin on Matt?
Holy Shit... Josh, how you doin man, there's beer in the fridge.
Hey Jessi. Wheres Karl and Brad?
Oh, hi Josh. Their out on the porch.
TO BE CONTINUED....
Thanks for bringing me back Brad.
No problem Josh... we're sticking to the plan right?

 

by ClayMaster94
1-07-04
Hi Karl. I remembered how clutch saturdays used to be, so I decided to start coming again.
Cool. We've been looking for someone wild since Tom left.
Hi Karl. I remembered how clutch saturdays used to be, so I decided to start coming again.
Cool. We've been looking for someone wild since Tom left.
Hi Karl. I remembered how clutch saturdays used to be, so I decided to start coming again.
Cool. We've been looking for someone wild since Tom left.

 

by ClayMaster94
1-08-04
Hi Karl. I remembered how clutch saturdays used to be, so I decided to start coming again.
Cool. We've been looking for someone who would let it all hang out (in a sock) since Tom left.
Due to the cravings from his new years resolutionKarl begins hallucinating when he here's the classic question.
Fag. Speaking of which, can I bum a smoke?
Oh my god... he's back... but... ahhhhhhhhh!
Nicotine fit!
Or don't answer me, whatever, I'll ask Puci if he has one.
Die you mother fucker!

 

by ClayMaster94
1-08-04
As requested by Joshua Glick, he has been added, killed off and now a dual Eulogy will be read by both Elliot and Brad.
We've come here to send off our friend Josh into his after life. And though most would try really hard to say nice things about him... lets rip him apart instead!
Josh was the kind of dick who would come up with a "your sister is hot" website and then post the pictures. The kinda guy who found anal sex was the only kind. Felt he had no feelings.
Yes, Josh was a guy who could rip anyones chains. Like the time he considered tying up Karls brother and using him in the Projekt D scavenger hunt. Josh was the guy who enjoyed making little girls cry
Yes, Josh Glick was a real piece of shit... And one of my closest friends. We're gonna miss you asshole.
What he said.

 

by ClayMaster94
1-27-04
Uncle Tim mysteriously re-appears
So Uncle Tim, I thought you died at Karl's hand. What have you been up to?
Aw, Matt, the clubs have been fucking with me so I went to the Hobby Shop for work again.
Anything Cool going on down their
Well yesterday I had a long discussion with hairlip and unibrow about Stan Lee and Steve Ditka's over lapsed use of artwork.
Read on for Excitting continuation
What do you mean?
Well they would use the same artwork for two completely different characters such as The Hawk's 'alter ego' and Norman Osbourne... Fucking bastards.

 

by ClayMaster94
1-27-04
Well did they fuck up besides the whole overlapsed artwork thing?
Not in the comic books... but in Stan Lee's weekly Hulk strip not only did artwork change but plots just drifted off midframe.
Really? Thats about the most retarded thing I've ever heard of.
Yeah it sucked, and it could take as long as 3 months for the story to get back to its main characters!
To be CONTINUED!
So you're saying I'm "the chosen," just what in god's name does that mean.
You will be the start of a new generation of superheroes and the savior of my people. I will train you to do just that.

 

by ClayMaster94
2-03-04
Are you saying I'll be able to dodge bullets?
No, I'm saying, when you're ready you won't have to.
So when does my training begin?
It already has this world has no laws of physics, however the powers that be have trained you to believe that they do exist.
What does that mean?
What are you fucking dense? It means you can fly, dodge bullets, and even jump into objects that appear to be solid and cause them to explode. Agents can be destroyed this way.

 

by ClayMaster94
2-03-04
Our hero NeoGeo has met his ultimate enemy!
Oh my god are you an agent?
I prefer to be called Agent Kunkel, Mr. Brockington!
Agent Kunkel is caught off gaurd!
Well lets end this right here and right now!
A gun?! What the fuck, what happened to the gratuitous flying/fighting sequences? Aren't you supposed to be the hero of your people because you are above bullets?
While the beer does make Macaulay a better actor, the plot still sucks, and I miss Lawrence Fishbourne.
Come back next week for the exciting conclusion of the FAKTRIX! And now, for a repeat of CSI, on Americas most watched channel!

 

by ClayMaster94
1-11-07
Three years later, no more W.W.
Qweh.
Qwark.
Qwark.
Qweh.
Waaaay too many video games.
Qweh.
Alright, let's switch languages. How about those lovable rock people from Legend of Zelda-goro?

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