All comics by Coolio_cat

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by Coolio_cat
1-08-08
No no no!!! Turn right here!!! NOW!!!!!
Okay okay...ya happy!?
Phew. That was close......*long pause*....TURN LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh no a dinosaur!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE!!!!!!????

 

by Coolio_cat
1-08-08
Telling a story.....
Then what?
Then my dad's like, "Hey Loser! Get your big butt down here right now!!!"
Telling a story.....
LOL! Then....
Then my dad's all, "HEY!!! Your butt's not down here!! If you don't get your butt down here in 10 seconds you don't get the do homework for a week!
Telling a story.....
OMG!!! He said that!?
Actually SHE said that.

 

by Coolio_cat
1-08-08
Goo gee ga ga!
Honey? How do you shut this baby up??? ....honey...???
GAA GAA!!!!!
Shut up or I'll shoot you!
WAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's it!!!

 

by Coolio_cat
1-09-08
Continuing a lesson..;...
Any questions?
Uh...teahcer? Would be punish me for something I haven't done?
Of course not!
Good. Because I haven't done my homeowork.

 

by Coolio_cat
1-09-08
Ok. Time to insert the needle!
Inserts needle.....
Uh....ok...that wasn't supposed to happen....let's try the saw.
Uses saw on guy.....
I hope I get payed for this...

 

by Coolio_cat
1-09-08
Boredest people on Earth.....
So what do we do now?
Uh...I dunno...
HEY!!! Maybe if we look up at the sky, a shooting star will apear and we can wish to have fun!
Ok! HEY!!!!!!! I see one now!! I WISH WE WERE HAVING FUN!!!!
POOF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uhh.....
Was that supposed to happen???

 

by Coolio_cat
1-10-08
Trick Or Treat!!!
Uh...Halloween is over.
Hey mom!
Son...Halloween is over.
I know.
*GASP*

 

by Coolio_cat
1-10-08
Telling a boring story.....
So then I says, "Hey! While you're at it get me a spoon!" BLA HA HA AH AH AHAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Oh that's hilarious! *chuckle*
*sigh*
Then he's all, "Sorry, Dude. We're all outta spoons. But we got forks!!" HA HA HEE HEE HAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, it just gets better and better. Haa haa.
Long Pause.....
Dang it! I ran out of bullets!

 

by Coolio_cat
1-10-08
What are you doing?
I'm looking for a man who looks just like a king.
Oh ok. I'll tell you if I see him.
Thanks pal.
What a retard.

 

by Coolio_cat
1-10-08
You know that cigarette you are smoking is not good for you.
Well...what about that beer of yours? Hmm! Ever think of that, Tubby?
Well you could DIE from smoking.
Oh what do you know! You're just a dinosaur!
Look who's talkin'.

 

by Coolio_cat
1-10-08
Ok...let's see....that'll be 50 dollars for skuffing up the sidewalk...
But, sir! I didn't do anything!
Up pup up! back sassing the cop adds an extra 20 dollars!
Look, I just came to find my pants...
Up pup up! Not wearing pants fills the bill up!

 

by Coolio_cat
1-10-08
My box! Gettaway! It's mine!
I don't want your stupid box.
That's secret box to you!
Yeah...sure...uh uh.....whatever...
You don't like my box..for that you shal pay! Gettim boxy!
Hey what the....??

 

by Coolio_cat
1-10-08
Ok, Granny. It's time to give you a makeover!
Ok I'm ready.
Here we go!
Turn around and look in the mirror. Soooo..... what do ya think?
I think I look the same.

 

by Coolio_cat
1-11-08
Ah ha! King me! KING ME!!!
It's chess you idiot.
Doh!

 

by Coolio_cat
1-11-08
Here you go, Santa! I wrapped the present!
What the...? That's terrible!!! Do it again!
Gosh, Santa! You don't even care about your elves, do you?
Not care about you? Of course I care about my sweet little kind elves! I just want the little children to be happy.
Ok Santa! I believe you! I'll wrap it again!
Hurry up you stupid elf.

 

by Coolio_cat
1-11-08
Ok special ED class! Today we are going to learn how to stop your anger problems.
If by that you mean killing someone, then I nominate the fat guy with the beard.
Hey! I shaved it last week!

 

by Coolio_cat
1-11-08
Good morning class! Can anyone tell me what it is that's in front of me?
Uh.............
It's not a stupid beard...
MY BOX!!!! Gettaway!
Stupid blonde doctor. No one knows the answer to that! You're gonna look like me in about five seconds!

 

by Coolio_cat
1-11-08
Well class, Mr. Morrow is out today so I will be your substitute. My name is Mrs. Morrow. I am Mr. Morrow's wife.
That explains why you're sop ugly.
My box!

 

by Coolio_cat
1-11-08
BRRRIIIIIIIIIIINNGG!!!
*Please leave a message after the tone* *beeeeeeep*
Uh hi. This is Jane....
Woah! My phone can talk!

 

by Coolio_cat
1-11-08
Ha!
Woah woah woah! Get that thing away from me!
Oh it's not a real gun! See....
Whoops.....
Grrrrr.....

 

by Coolio_cat
1-11-08
Blah blah blah......fish and chips.......yadiyadiya.........
......had to "go".............toilet got clogged.....blah blah blah......jibber jabber.........saw your clarinet....
Ohh!!! So that's how my clarinet got all wet!!!

 

by Coolio_cat
1-11-08
Uh.....did my plan of world domination work?

 

by Coolio_cat
1-11-08
Hi. I'm Bob.
I'm Larry.
I'm Jerry.
I'm Dumbledore.
I'm Luis.
I'm all of them put together.

 

by Coolio_cat
1-11-08
Uh......let's see...my turn?? Ok...uh.......Ha! Got your queen!
DANG IT!!!!
What the?
Sorry. I turned around and farted when you weren't looking.

 

by Coolio_cat
1-22-08
Watching a basketball game.....
...And he's on his way over to the basket!!! OH!!.......OH OH!!!!
Cummon......... CUMMON!!!!
OH! OH!!!! HE'S THROWING THE BALL!!! IT'S HITTING THE RIM!!!! AND..........
YES! He's gonna make it!!!!
.......AWW.....he misses.....and looks like time's up. Sorry folks. Looks like the score is 34 to 0. Oh well.
DANG IT!!!! Now I owe Bobby 50 bucks.

 

by Coolio_cat
1-22-08
Ok...let's see if he can make it this time.....OH OH!!! HE'S SHOOTIN'!!!! OH OHHHH!!!!!!!! CUMMON!!!! HE'S GOT THIS ONE!!!!
YES YES YES!!!!!!
YEAH! HE MADE IT!!!!!
YES!!!! HALLELUJAH!!
Uh oh....wait a minute folks......the ball bounced back out of the basket....sorry......Well... once again it looks like the score it 34 to 0. Sorry.
Aww man! Getting at least one point would've been the record for that team!

 

by Coolio_cat
1-22-08
What the? How am I supposed to paper clip all these papers together?
HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jerry? Where'd you go? Jeeeerrrryyy???
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woah? Who said that??? Jerry? Did you get stuck in the paper again?
No...it's just...well.....I gots like 58 paper cuts. OWW!!!! Make that 59...

 

by Coolio_cat
4-28-08
Hi. I'm Bob. So do you like.....own this place? You don't look so tough for a bodyguard. HEY!!! Is that a watch!? It's just like my dad's!!! You're nice. What's your name? I'm Bob.
SHUT UP!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why didn't I see that comming...?

 

by Coolio_cat
8-16-08
Dear Mom, It's been 3 days now and I'm really liking it here. I don't really have many friends but I'm sure I'll make some. I miss you though...
...There are a lot of activities going on right now, but I'm not interested so I decided to take a break and email you. I was surprised they had a computer here...
...Well, I must be getting back to business. I don't want to get in trouble. I miss you, and would't mind comming home now to see you. Love, Jeff
Dude...we're in the fricking library.

 

by Coolio_cat
8-16-08
Having a long discussion...
...therefore I am going to have to fire you.
But, Sir! I...
Excuse me? Who's the boss here? I am. Who just fired you? I did. So leave!
BUT SIR!
NO BUTS! Look man, if you're not going to deliver my fries on time then I'm gonna have to ask you to leave!
*sigh*

 

by Coolio_cat
8-16-08
Ok class. Mr. Marrow died so I'm gonna be your teacher forever.
Too bad it wasn't you who died.................loser.
DRAT!! I forgot my steering wheel. Now I can't run over this idiot in front of me. CRAPPIT!
I bet he wants my box...
...these people are idiots. I want some ice cream.

 

by Coolio_cat
8-16-08
The Weather Channel
Wait did you turn the greenscreen on? ..........what??........I'm on AIR?.....OH! ok sorry.
Hello! Today's weather is....is...uhhh.......umm......*twitch*...it's uh...........*drools*.......uhhhhhhhhh...last time I checked it was uhh.......umm....I think it was.....ehh......hmm.......zZzZzZ
*psssst* SUNNY!
Oh yes that's right sunny. And tomorrow it will be......uhhhh.....
Oh great...here we go again.

 

by Coolio_cat
8-16-08
The Weather Channel....continued
Um....the weather tomorrow will be uh.........hmm..
*psst* AND NOW BACK TO YOU LINDA.
Oh yes, um back to you, Linda!
HUH? Oh....hi. Sorry I was asleep. Well today's news. A weather man has just been fired for being an idiot on AIR. Hmm....sounds familiar...

 

by Coolio_cat
8-18-08
Now class, today we are going to learn what 2+2 is. Does anyone have any ideas?
I think the answer is raspberry with a milkshake strawberry on top.
No no nah! Dis lady don't know nutin. Yain't got no proof o' dis answer o' yours you say is right. Aight? Aight listen ta me now. I know a lot more dan dis ol' lady do. Kapeesh?
Uh....I think I'm in the wrong class....

 

by Coolio_cat
8-18-08

 

by Coolio_cat
8-18-08
HOLY NAPKINS!!!! Poor guy!! I better thaw him out RIGHT away. Man he's so frozen!! I'm gonna have to put him on fire to thaw him out!
There. This should do.
Woopss...........

 

by Coolio_cat
8-18-08
Oh my goodness!! This poor man needs to be rushed to the hospital right away!!!
I'll take care of him, m'am.
Why thank you very much kind sir.
The lady leaves...
Mwah ha hah. My Pleasure! Hha haaa!!! Say your last words punk! MWAH HAHAHAAAA!!

 

by Coolio_cat
9-09-08
Welcome to iNeed a Makeover! I'm Jennifer Fox, and today's contestant is a single and saggy old lady! Now tell us Ms. Ugly, what is your name?
My name is Heather Winterfield.
Now, Heather, why do you think you need a makeover?
I think I'm ugly. Whenever I'm walking down the streets people say I'm ugly. My own mother thinks I'm ugly. YOU think I'm ugly. The president thinks I'm ugly. My dog thinks ---
Woah there, Heather! We don't think you're ugly. We KNOW you're ugly. You're darn right ugly! In fact, 105% of the United States voted you ugly.
Oh, wow! I must be very special!

 

by Coolio_cat
9-09-08
Hello! Welcome to iNeed a Makeover! I'm Jennifer Fox! Also known as the prettiest girl alive! Today we have a single cashier with us! Now tell us, what is your name?
Haylee Mores.
Well, Haylee, you have been chosen to get a free makeover! How did you decide you wanted to be on this show?
Well, the MOMENT this show started being on TV I got a billion emails telling me to be on the show! I even got emails from people I dont know!
Wow, Haylee. You must be really ugly! This must be why you're single.
No! There are plenty of reason why I'm single! First of all, I...um......well I have.......you see I.....it's obvious that I.....uhh....em....ok maybe that is why I'm single.....

 

by Coolio_cat
9-09-08
Hello world! My name is Jennifer Fox! And today on iNeed a Makeover, we have a loving mother of two! But not so loving with looks, ha ha! Please tell us, ma'am. What is your name?
Susan Leeks
Susan, would you please tell the world why you are participating in this makeover?
Well, I think the way I look now is fine, but I want a different hair style and I want it for free. So I joined iNeed a Makeover!
Hmm...is that the REAL reason?
...Ok fine. Ther real reason is that my husband said that if I don't get a makeover he'll move to Alaska with the kids and bury themselves in snow until they die because im too ugly.

 

by Coolio_cat
9-26-08
Woah this guy's a good drawer. But.....I don't like my eyebrows. They're too big. HEY DRAWER DUDE!!! MAKE MY EYEBROWS SMALLER!!!!!!! THEY MAKE MY HEAD LOOK FAT!!!!
OH NO!! NO NO NOT THE ERASER!!!!!!!!NOOOOOOOO!! PLEASE DON'T SHOW ME THE ERASER!!!!!!!
Poor guy.

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