All comics by Critty

Profile

 

by Critty
5-23-03
I'm worried.... I'm feeling the need to cross the road...
Why? Everything is fine!!
I fear emperor Bush. I'm thinking Canada could be better...
There's no need to panic!!
Then again, they have Avril. I'd go mad there too.
Everything is fine!!! Do not panic!!! I'm happy!!!

 

by Critty
5-23-03
I have to find a place to live where I feel at peace...
I know just the place....
I really need a sanctuary for my mind and thoughts...
It's nice and warm. Just follow me... hehehe...
Welcome to my humble abode where you shall dwell forever and ever!! Ha ha ha ha ha!!
Sadly, this could work for me...

 

by Critty
5-23-03
Lloyd ponders what to do now
So, how do I find all pervading emptiness and bliss in Hell?
I would start by shaving a yak
It was then that he had a startling realization
But Hell is subjective, so if I attain enlightenment, then everything is lost
Lloyd settles for enjoying the silence
Om
Love the heat! Love the heat!

 

by Critty
5-23-03
What in the home happened here?
Lloyd is enjoying here a little too much.
This is ridiculous. I must do something.
First thing, change me back.
I will show him why this is called Target - I mean Hell. hehehe...
Yes, and I will restock the shelves of doom!

 

by Critty
5-23-03
Listen here Lloyd, we need to talk...
Yes, I agree. I've been thinking...
Yes, and that's the problem. Less thinking, more shopping.
Shopping?
How am I ever going to compete with Wal-Mart if you don't consume!?!
This explains a lot

 

by Critty
5-23-03
If you're not going to buy crap then you are doing the equivalent of spiritual loitering. C'mon, let's go...
Is this why Wal-Mart censors their CD's?
Please don't leave me in Heaven if it's Wal-Mart!
Oh, I'm not. Besides, They're 24 hours, God wouldn't even notice.
Welcome to K-Mart. I leave you now.
Does this mean that ads are actually divine intervention?

 

by Critty
5-25-03
So, you are the head of K-Mart, uh, I mean Purgatory?
Yes, essentially. but, I'm just the messenger. This is mostly just a weigh station.
See, by the time you get here, my job is done. It's really more my partner who seems to be in charge.
Who could possibly have more authority then the Grim Reaper?
Lloyd meets the Penguin Mistress of Purgatory
Hola
Ulp...

 

by Critty
5-25-03
Let me guess, you decide who's been naughty or nice...
That and the issue of reincarnation.
And how does one go about getting reincarnated?
All you have to do is ask.
So what is the password?
Ever heard of "Thank you Mistress, may I have another"?

 

by Critty
5-25-03
Earth has been restored. It is time for you to go back. Just follow my servant.
I wonder how long I've been gone?
So, will I return to Earth as I am now?
Duh... Um, yeah. Sure.
Guess not.

 

by Critty
5-25-03
It's all so beautiful and uncorrupted.
What wonderful new life form has come to keep me company?
Oh balls.
Lunch?

 

by Critty
5-25-03
*hehe* nice to meet you... my name is...
Ugh. Glenda
No, my name is Lloyd. I'm a...
Ugh. Squirrel boobies.
Well then... Glenda it is.
That okay. You be tasty just the same

 

by Critty
5-25-03
Survey shows that more Americans vote for American Idol than for political offices.
I can't understand how I share any strand of DNA with other humans.
Young girls idolize Brittany Spears, while intelligent women of the past are now being judged by "hot or not" standards.
I don't hold out much hope for the next generation.
Really, there is only one thing left to do.
Must find happy spot! Must find HAPPY SPOT!!!

 

by Critty
6-04-03
I have recieved a million something e-mails from idiots trying to buy shit from me on Ebay.
The human populus is filled with morons.
My superior brain cannot reply fast enough to the onslaught of their stupidity.
I must go bang my super-intelligent head into something until the mad monkey stops!!!!
Yup.... Definitely superior.

 

by Critty
3-09-04
I'm having a bad day.
You mean like when you go to a buffet and accidentally take some of the fake plastic grapes...
...And you eat your eggs, and you eat your bacon, and then you try to eat one of those grapes, and you choke to death and die kind of days?
Ummm... yeah. One of those kind of days...

 

by Critty
3-12-04
A pimped out cadillac from the 80's drives by...
I have a feeling that whoever originally owned that car played a lot of golf.
I have a feeling that whoever owns that car now listens to a lot of rap music.

 

by Critty
11-02-04
Bill Clinton addresses voters
My fellow Americans, today is an important day to up hold two very sacred traditions...
First, get out and vote!
Second, Treat this Bush with same we respect we did with his father... One Term Only!

 

by Critty
1-11-08
I'm Lori. I went from psychic to evangelical healer. I have returned to the farm to care for my sick mother by inundating her with JEEZUS!
Well, after all, the ministers you work with can heal AIDS and cancer and make limbs grow back by the power of prayer... Or so you say... And yet you have warts...
I take these enzymes and I flush my body of parasites. People think I'm in my 20's. And I've never been happier!
Funny, 'cause you seem tired and cry all the time. Maybe you're sad because God's parasites don't want to hang out in your colon.
Pretty soon I'll return to Oklahoma and try to save your soul through my worship of JEEZUS!
Someday I will go to Oklahoma to enlighten my soul through the worship of The Flaming Lips.

 

by Critty
1-11-08
It looks like you're dealing with a zombie infestation.
The first thing to do is to barricade all the doors and windows. Then start trying to plan an escape route.
If that doesn't work, tell them that you've already found Jesus and you don't want any of their pamphlets.

 

by Critty
1-11-08
I ku. You ku...
We all ku...
For Haiku.

Showing page 1.