All comics by Damian1978

Profile

 

by Damian1978
1-24-06
Hi kids. This is your pal Petey Cancerstick. Please be our friend.
Smoking is cool. Dont you want to be one of the cool kids?
Some people would want you to think smoking is bad. Just ask my friend here. Do you think he will lie.
God want us to smoke. You will be damned and go to hell forever if you dont. And all you little boys should visit me after school everyday for a special sermon.
Thanks Padre. Rember kids, smoking is cool. If you dont smoke you will wind up like this guy.
I suck.

 

Deep Thoughts
I wonder who's on Leno tonight
by Damian1978, 1-24-06

 

by Damian1978
1-24-06
A message from tobacco companies.
If you smoke our cigerettes an angel will come and visit you. If you don't believe me ask him yourself.
I will give you a kiss if you smoke so light up.

 

Why are we having a sermon in your bedroom, Father?
For this specail sermon refer to me as your slutty bitch.
by Damian1978, 1-25-06

 

by Damian1978
1-26-06
You my type of woman. How about coming back to my place? I got a futon.
God Leave me alone you disgusting freak.
like Doom 3 was way better than Doom 2.
Why Do I only attract losers.
Pull my finger.
Time to experiment in lesbianism.

 

by Damian1978
1-26-06
That was great. You were great.
It was wonderful losing our virginity together.
Lets do this more often.
Just as long as mom and dad don't find out.

 

by Damian1978
1-26-06
He looks a little creepy but what the hell.
Oh man. I can't believe it. Wait 'till I tell the guys.
Why don't you dim the lights and put some music on.
I'M GETTING BOOTY. I'M GETTING SOME BOOTY.
On second thought call me a cab.
Okay. You're a cab.

 

by Damian1978
1-26-06
He's creepy looking but what the hell.
Oh man. I can't believe my luck. Wait till I tell the guys.
Why don't you dim the lights and put some music on.
I'M GETTING SOME BOOTY. I'M GETTING SOME BOOTY.
On second thought call me a cab.
Okay. You're a cab.

 

by Damian1978
1-26-06
I gave my address to that hot girl on myspace. She will be here any minute.
The girl of my dreams.
Reality sucks

 

by Damian1978
1-26-06
If Jesus was alive today I wonder what he would say.
SOMEONE GET ME THE FUCK DOWN FROM HERE!

 

by Damian1978
1-27-06
So there were these two studs at the bar last night. So I start flirting with both of them.
I'm wondering which one I'm going home with.
So which one did you go home with?
They went home together.

 

by Damian1978
1-27-06
I need sex. Will this much money get me some action.
That is just enough. And do I have a hunnie for you.
You better give good head.

 

by Damian1978
1-27-06
Check Out those chicks sunbathing topless.
This is awesome. I'm I in Heaven? or France?
I will need to store this in my memory for later useage.
I'm Going over there.
Good idea. I can use a tan myself. I'm all white.

 

by Damian1978
1-27-06
Everybody Thinks you and I are going out because we hangout together.
Nobody thinks a guy and gal can just be friends. They think sex will always be involved
I mean you and I have been friends for a while and we've never has sex.
I know.

 

by Damian1978
1-28-06
Remember children. Stay in school and don't do drugs.
What a dork.
The city is safe tonight. No one has to worry with me watching over the city.
OH GOD! HELP ME I'M DYING!
Time to get super funky with the ladies.
Is this a gay bar?

 

by Damian1978
1-28-06
We have been searching eons for intelligent life. And you have found it here?
Yes. This is the planet Earth. I have the leader of the planet on board.
Bring the leader of Earth in. I would enjoy to comunicate with a being as intelligent as we.
Welcome. We come in peace.
GGGRRRRR

 

by Damian1978
1-28-06
Mind if I smoke?

 

by Damian1978
1-29-06
Is that growling I hear? I will have to take care of this.
Grrrr
Oh God. Where's Superdude when I need him?
You want that supersized.
Are you trying to be funny?

 

by Damian1978
1-29-06
I can't take this war anymore. I'm going A.W.O.L.
I didn't think that Pvt. Johnson was chicken.

 

by Damian1978
1-29-06
This burger taste a little off to me.
Let me go get my. manager
So what the problem with my burger?

 

Look a 3 legged dog.
Yuck.
by Damian1978, 1-29-06

 

by Damian1978
1-29-06
Its Duck seasn.
Its Wabbit season.
Its Duck seasn.
Its Wabbit season.
Fuck this. I'll shoot you myself.
You motherfucking son of a bitch.

 

by Damian1978
1-29-06
Hahaha. You're funny.
Whats do you mean I'm funny?Like a clown? I'm here to amuse you?
Fuck face.

 

by Damian1978
1-29-06
We've known each other for a while. Cant believe that this is the first time we went drinking together.
Who knows. Before the night is out..
...I might be going home with the bartender.

 

by Damian1978
1-29-06
I cant believe the reveiw for my last movie. "Too violent" "Too bloody""Pointless nudity and sex".
Well duh. Its a slasher movie. Not Jane Austin.
Wait till I get that Roger Ebert.

 

by Damian1978
1-29-06
Are you undressing me with your eyes?
What makes you think that?

 

by Damian1978
1-29-06
Dude. I finally got laid last night.
Awesome. How did it happen?
My dad was drunk and walked into my room by mistake.
Oh.
He thought he was in my little sisters room.
So...how was it?

 

by Damian1978
1-30-06
Yesss. Just what I've always wanted. I love 'em young and fresh.
I'm going to give it to you hard and nas...you know this isn't even funny. It's wrong and disgusing and Damian you are a sick sick man for writing it. I quit!
Shit! I thought I was going to get some.

 

by Damian1978
1-30-06
How did your blind date go last night?
Well we went back to my place and she tied me to the bed and she began to undress.
Oh man. You lucky dog.
Not really. Was't 'till after she undressed did I realise that she was a he.
That brought me back to summer camp.

 

by Damian1978
1-30-06
Oh yeah. Spread those legs baby. I've been a naughty boy. Spank me.
Hey.
Oops.
Sorry. I didn't hear you come in.

 

by Damian1978
1-30-06
Come with me.
It can't be my time yet. I'm too young to die.
Sorry I just don't like you.And just to amuse myself you will starve to death in 10 seconds.
That's imposs...
..ible

 

by Damian1978
1-30-06
Aw. She's a goregous baby.Absolutely precious.
Thank you.
For a dollar I'd let you finger her.

 

by Damian1978
1-31-06
The other day I forgot that it was my wedding anniversary. My wife was pissed. I keep forgetting things lately. I don't know what it is.
If I didn't have my head attached I'd forget that too.
It's a bit cold in here isn't it?

 

by Damian1978
1-31-06
Detective...did you find my brother?
Yes. He'sdead I'm afraid. He was anally raped and beaten to death with a huge dildo.
OH NO! OH GOD NOOOOOOOOO!
No. I'm kidding. He just ran off with his girlfriend.
But you should have seen the look on your face.

 

by Damian1978
1-31-06
It's duck season.
It's wabbit season
Duck season
Wabbit season.
Fuck this. I'll shoot you myself.
You despicable cunt.

 

by Damian1978
1-31-06
Been on this stinking island for far too long.
There's no one here for me to slaughter.
It was only suppose to be a 3 hour tour.

 

by Damian1978
1-31-06
Jason is learning his lines for the new movie.

 

by Damian1978
1-31-06
Man that car is totaled.
I can't really see anything.
You think anyone died?

 

by Damian1978
1-31-06
Pardon me, but do you have any grey pu pon?
But of course.
Far out man.

 

by Damian1978
1-31-06
Okay children. Listen up. I'm your subsitute teacher for the day.
My name is Mr. Akerman.
And if you act up I will devour you for lunch.

 

by Damian1978
1-31-06
Jesus died for our sins myboy.
Really?
Yes.
Wow.
You are the fucking man , Jesus.

 

by Damian1978
1-31-06
I'm sorry. There's no smoking in here.
Butt...
That joke sucked.

 

I can see Uranus.
by Damian1978, 1-31-06

 

by Damian1978
1-31-06
Not tonight dear. I've got a headache.
You're just playing hard to get.
I can see that you have a boner.

 

by Damian1978
1-31-06
I dont like it hear, Mr Snail. Its too colorful and gay.
How do I leave this place?
Why are you asking me? You think I got all the answers? I'm a fucking snail.

 

by Damian1978
1-31-06
God steered us toward this island. It is because of Him that we live.
I wonder how long it would take for me to get her to put out.
5 minutes later...
You are a depraved woman.

 

by Damian1978
1-31-06
Well Stacey you made it to round 3. Are you nervous?
Yes. I am Glenn.
Okay. Here's the final test. For the grand prize.
Will you toss my salad?

 

by Damian1978
2-19-06
We need to get out of here.
I know. We're sitting ducks.
Careful what you say.
Oh yeah.
Sorry.
Enough of the wise quacks.

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