All comics by Dapf

Profile

 

by Dapf
5-13-01
One day:
I am going to paint a fence!
You sure are funny, Mr. Jackson!
Why don't we go to th

 

by Dapf
5-13-01
It is raining!
It's a good thing I have my lucky umbrella with me!
Your lucky umbrella was struck by lightning!
It sure was!

 

by Dapf
5-13-01
I am a well drawn character, whereas you belong on an 8-bit gaming system.
When I think of mountains, I like to think of the people that made th
I am a well drawn character, whereas you belong on an 8-bit gaming system.
Indeed!

 

by Dapf
5-13-01
Oh, no! We're caught in a time warp!
Do I care?
Trotsomon (8:54 PM): My face hurts...can I have some lemon juice?
Let's go down to that Cheers bar!
Where everybody knows your name!
The time warp ended!
The lights indicate that this is the case!

 

by Dapf
5-13-01
Whenever it rains | Always remember your coat | Else you will get wet.
Haiku.
Indeed!

 

by Dapf
5-13-01
This is prison.
What are you in for?
Throwing candy at stray dogs.
Wow!
It's a good thing we escaped from the prison!
Agreed.

 

by Dapf
5-13-01
Cold day today.
Tell me about it.
Cold day today. Tell me abo
But we made it to the desert, so it is warm.
This much is true!
Warm day today.
Therefore I shall sacrifice you to the wolves, dear friend!

 

by Dapf
5-13-01
InfantryMan vs. SunLairMan
It is InfantryMan!
You are correct, SunLairMan.
I see you have found my secret lair on the sun!
The sun, it burns. Much like my burning hatred for
C$ = UCASE$(RIGHT$(INKEY$, 1))
Do not harm me, InfantryMan!
Okay. I suppose I will just ta

 

by Dapf
5-13-01
"Dear Sanchez: We regret to inform you that since you are overdue on your bill payment, you must be eaten by a giant insect."
Hello.
Being eaten by a bug would be bad for my business, do you not agree?
I do agree!
Disaster strikes! This is not good for th
Oh, no! It's past your bedtime, Mr. Insect! Where are my pants?
Oh, miserable fate! A fate not unlik

 

by Dapf
5-13-01
InfantryMan vs. SunLairMan: Part II
It is InfantryMan, once again!
You are an observant fellow, SunLairMan!
The punch line!
I am in a lair on the moon!
Then you are not SunLairMan!
The moral of the story: never count all your eggs in a basket before they hatch, otherwise you might feel ill in the mor
Correct, good sir! And therefore I am not SunLairMan!
You are an observant fellow, SunLairM

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
I am a robot of destruction! All humans must bow before me, unless they want to be destroyed!
That is true, talking robot!
Please do not arrest me!
Okay
Suddenly, at the hospit

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
I am a PC!
You are a happy ATM machine, Mr. ATM!
$ :) $
No! Emoticons are the tools of the devil! You must be destroyed quickly!
The tables have turned on the cowboy! Suddenly, disaster strikes at the
I see your point, and now I will be destroyed.
Humor, good sir!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
I want to take a trip to the moon!
But my spaceship is broken!
Today's comic is sponsored by Colg
We are on the moon!
You are correct!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
Do not break my Sun Chips!
I do break the chips!
Fool! I crush my can of Squirt at you!
It makes holes in your hand!
Danger! Inside joke overload that few will understand! Everyone hide your childr
sploo

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
I have found the dragon in the cave!
Indeed!
I am breathing fire!
There is a cave-in!
Please do not breathe fire on me, Mr. Dragon, becau

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
You will not survive my wrath!
No.
"The Wrath," brought to you by
Here comes the wrath!
I am not prepared for the wrath
Ice cream is composed of mil
The wrath turned into ice cream!
Good move, friend!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
The War of 1635(5)
You are my enemy! I must kill you now!
But fighting is not good!
The War o
Okay!
Wow! What a twist! I can't believe that this is actually happeni
I like to eat sandwiches!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
When I think of computers, I like to think of the people that made the spaceships that fly to the sun.
THIS COMIC GETS A 1
You left, but now you are back.
Truth!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
I am not who you think I am! I have a secret identity!
Liar!
The stickman is really a fe
Tonight on MTV: Carson finally reveals his love for various fruits and vegetab
So I told the guy, "Hey, you can't do that to me!"
You are the funniest, sir!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
This person is not pleased with the ta
I think the ground is talking.
I am the ground! I am talking!
But you are really not the ground!
No! I am a man in the trash that was disguised as the ground!
And they lived happily ever af
That was a cruel joke you played on me, good sir!
Indeed!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
dx = 9e * 2(26 - (2^8))
This just in: diet colas taste bad!
b = 4 / ((3^6) + 9)
I know, because I invented the diet cola!
Drink more pop!
Ha ha ha!
Well met, good sir! Let us go eat some hambur

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
InfantryMan vs. SunLairMan III
Oh ho! It is InfantryMan, once again!
Indeed it is, SunLairMan! I have discovered your hidden desert lair!
My desert base is not hidd
My desert lair is not hidden!
And I have found your hidden desert lair!
The joke's on you, InfantryMan...here comes th
Oh, no! I have been discovered!
Ha! This earth desert was really the sun in disguise!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
The Soviets have declared another Cold War on the United States !
Today, martial law was declared on the state of Idaho, therefore ceasing all potat
It is cold like ice!
The humor is great, much like the humor of my

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
Hello there! Is there something you would like to ask me?
Where do babies come from?
First, a catfish goes to the bank and buys a baby, then he takes it to a random house, and then Mavis Beacon teaches it how to type!
You are not being truthful!
Today's history lesson: in 1845, Columbus sailed the Arctic Ocean in search of civili
I object, your honor!
Indeed you do, sir!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
It is almost time for Ted to go to sleep, but first, he has to g
Hello, good robot sir!
Good morning! I am programmed to be your servant!
Ted is walking out of his house now! He is armed to the teeth and ready for ac
Then you must do my laundry!
I will not!
Meanwhile, at the laundromat, Ted is afraid to use the dryer because it mak
Then I will do the laundry!
Yes indeed!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
I am Mr. Fix It!
You are, indeed! And therefore, it is time for you to fix my chair!
Ticker: ALN -2.6 ALP -5.3 AMA +2.0 AMV -9.5 ANC +3.6 ANV +8.5 AP -9.0 APF -1.3 AQC -1.5 ARD +13.5 ARH +2.7
I see the chair!
And the chair is what you see!
No, they have a display case at the end of the aisle.
The chair is fixed!
I am happy at this news!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
Here is your mail!
"Dear Sir: please refrain from repeatedly driving your automobile into my house. I do not like that."
ERROR: NetZero application cannot continue.
I am walking.
Suddenly, a very obvious event occu
I walked into your house! This is certainly a dramatic twist, is it not?
Not as dramatic as Sunday morning, my friend!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
Hello! I am Billy-o the Cowboy, here to tell you about new Shine & Clear: the tile cleaner!
But can it clean my kitchen floor? It's full of food!
No!
Greenpeace has ordered me to shut down production of the peanut oil factory, due to it's lack of cleanli
Call 1-900-Get-Tile to order! Only $16.95 a bottle!
I want this product more than I want world peace! I'll take 94 bottles, please!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
It's the Squirrel and Clown Show!
Hello, Clown!
Hello, Squirrel!
The Squirrel and Clown Show is brought to you by the letter U4
Nice day, Clown!
Truly, Squirrel!
The Squirrel and Clown Show speaks to young minds about the dangers of doing drugs, and of talking to strang
There is a knife in your back, Clown!
This makes me feel like dancing and prancing arou

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
I am the king!
Vitamins are enriching
"The King:" nominated for the Worst Comic Evar award. Congratula
I am a clone!
Kings of kings, we are!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
What's a l
You are my twin!
And thusly, I am afraid!
What's a lofty knight?
Let us stop at the local deli!
Yes, we must do this, post haste!
And thusly, I am af
The deli was delicious!
I think that it w

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
InfantryMan vs. SunLairMan IV
Who are you?
I am InfantryMan!
We are living in a fantasy world with candy houses and purple jelly!
You are the famous superhero!
Yes I am!
Do not adjust your chair! The carpenter will fix it for you! Do not attempt to fix it yourself, or else you wi
Ha ha! I am really SunLairMan in disguise! Welcome to my forest lair!
Such trickery! I am forced to shout at you very loudly, and it will break your eardru

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
23:30 hours
Tonight's late-night movie: The Art of Panfrying is brought to you by: Tom Brokaw's Happy Skillet-O-Fun.
"Welcome to The Art of Panfrying. To begin, you first need a pan and a stove."
I have neither!
The chicken fries a delicious pot roast!
"Now, place the hen in the pan, and make sure it is covered in flour, sugar, and cornmeal."
I have never felt more satisf

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
The evolution of man:
COMPYUTURR!!!!!
Blog!
That is all.
If you would like more information on this topic, please visit your local library, where you will find many books about the evolution of man.
I'd rather not.
Regarding the dress code: hats are not allowed, you may not wear chains, and shorts must be knee-length or longer. Thank you for your coopera
Then you would not like more information on this topic.
You speak the truth, just like cashews do!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
I do not like you, dog! You steal all my attention!
This is a shame!
Please do not set me on fire, dog!
But I must!
Fire graphic boycotted due to its horrendous misuse in the past 16348 comics. Article 9, section 12, paragra
I am on fire!
That is apparent!

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
E/N
So I got up this morning at about 7:30. Then I ate some cereal for breakfast. Then I got into my Toyota and took the freeway to work. And here I am!
DO NOT MAKE WEBSITES LIKE THIS
So what do you think of my day so far?
I am developing an urge to kill! And you are in my w

 

by Dapf
5-14-01
InfantryMan vs. SunLairMan V
I see you have found my haunted lair, InfantryMan! I welcome you!
I will not step over your welcome mat to doom, SunLairMan!
It is indeed a po
This can only mean that you fear my great power!
It is indeed a power to behold, SunLairMan!
But what is that large cannon doing behind SunLa
I have tricked you again! This is really my Sun Lair!
Surely you jest!

 

by Dapf
5-15-01
The Bir
I am a bird!
You are observant, Mr. Bird!
You are obser
And you are a spoony bard!
Ha ha! I do not know what that means! I am confused!
Don't try to dig up buried treasure when there is no X marking th
You are a spoony bard!
I agree!

 

by Dapf
5-15-01
You stole my favorite hat!
That I did!
Please give me my hat back!
I will not!
Lesson 1: Never steal from oth
I'm glad I got my hat back!
You will not get your hat ba

 

by Dapf
5-15-01
"Dear Sanchez: We regret to inform you that since you have been illegally parked in a handicapped spot...
...you are going to have your license taken away."
You like what is about to happen, don't you?
I don't think I like what is about to happ
I am late for this comic! I must be destroyed immedi

 

by Dapf
5-15-01
YES

 

by Dapf
5-15-01
I have some carbon!
Ooo! Did you use Carbon-14 dating on them?
Nope.
News --- Politics: WASHINGTON, May 15 — Offering a sharp contrast to what they expect from the Bush White House, Democratic lawmakers unveiled their own energy blueprint Tuesday that calls for the
Why don't w

 

by Dapf
5-15-01
I am playing a computer game!
INSERT COMMAND:
Command: play game
Someone has welded the front door shut! Now how will I ever leave the hou
ught you didn't want to pl

 

by Dapf
5-15-01
InfantryMan vs. SunLairMan VI
I see you have located my secret volcano lair!
It looks much like your sun lair, SunLairMan!
It looks like InfantryMan has the upper hand, at least for n
That's because it is!
Oh, no! I have been tricked, once again!
Next up on Emeril: chocolate cooki

 

by Dapf
5-15-01
Tricking people is not nice, because it makes them upse
There seems to be something happening over there!
Indeed there is, sir!
SUB DrawInsect (int ix, int iy, int dir, int itype) {
It does not look like it, though!
Ha ha! You have played a well-constructed joke on me, friend!
The forest is ablaze with the sound of mus
And now there is something going on ov
You are a liar, good sir, and I will not take any more abuse from y

 

by Dapf
5-15-01
Useless fact of the day: the moon is made of
There is a noise!
I do not hear a noise!
It sounds like dogs barking!
Yes it does!
Why do dogs howl at the moon? Does the moon mak
That is what it sounds like!
I do not hear a noi

 

by Dapf
5-15-01
rlier today, a haunted house scared four innocent vict
We are flying!
We are, indeed!
Flight makes the world go round.
Much like a spinning orb, good sir!
Perhaps you would think it was funny if the two robots w
Oh, so! Your wit surpasses even mine!
Much like the wit of myself, it is witty and humoro

 

by Dapf
5-15-01
"Dear Sanchez: Due to your lack of payments to the water company, we will be shutting off your water."
Can a 32-year-old dog and a 23-year-old hen learn to live together? Find out tonight on FOX, when we broadcast "The Luc
I'd better go and pay the water bill as soon as possi
BUTTON onclick="clone_panel('1');"
"Dear Sanchez: Due to your lack of payments to the water company, we will be shutting off your water."

 

by Dapf
5-15-01
InfantryMan vs. SunLairMan VII
I am just a dog on a ball in a sky lair!
But how did you know it was a sky lair?
Such foolishness! Did you not realize my true identity, InfantryMan?
Certainly I did not, SunLairMan! Your sky lair is
The sun is co
Certainly I did not, SunLairMa

 

by Dapf
5-15-01
One day:
I have told you a lie! I did not paint a fence!
You must be punished severely, Mr. Jackson!
50
I painted a fench!
Not 49, because 49 is wr
You've still got it, Mr. Jac

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