Fear and Loathing in the Afterlife [1]

Author: Externalization

Date: February 22, 2005

by Externalization
2-22-05
They aren't supposed to allow suicides past the front gate, so I knew I'd have to lie my ass off. Luckily, the security guards are exceptionally naive here.
My name is... um... Ossie Davis.
Right this way, Mr. Davis. We've been expecting you.
I normally wouldn't be caught dead in a cultist's den like this, but the delectable irony of strolling into the one place they always claimed I couldn't reach was worth shooting up a little lead.
RIGHTEOUSNESS! PURITY! ABSTINENCE! PRAIZE THA LAWD!
No one'll mind if I indulge myself just a little bit.
Heaven: Glorious city of God, or a massive interstellar cesspool expanding ad naseum through the endothermic consumption of used souls of depraved self-deluded pricks who made mortal life unbearable?
Richard Nixon? How the holy fuck did you get in here?
My sins were all pardoned , remember?