All comics by Going2Bdotcom

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by Going2Bdotcom
8-17-06
The pregnancy test came up positive...
I'm going to be someone's parent. I'm going to be a mother.
I'm
going
to be..
...FAT!!!

 

by Going2Bdotcom
8-19-06
When I have kids, I'm going to choose a homebirth.
The doctors might say you have to go to hospital.
And would they collect me in an ambulance...or a police car?

 

by Going2Bdotcom
8-19-06
Any tips you can pass on about how to get pregnant?
Well you could try keeping your legs raised for a while.
I meant after sex.

 

by Going2Bdotcom
8-19-06
Imagine using frozen sperm from a donor.
How would the kids imagine their father?

 

by Going2Bdotcom
8-19-06
Pregnancy makes you sensitive to heat...and banal comments.
Yes, it is quite hot today.
Yes! It's hot today.
YES!!! I KNOW IT'S HOT TODAY!!! OK?

 

by Going2Bdotcom
8-20-06
As your bump grows, you start to compare bellies...
I only have a big belly because I'm pregnant.
What's his excuse?
I should have guessed.

 

by Going2Bdotcom
8-23-06
Experienced mothers can tell you what to expect...
Did being pregnant affect your libido?
Yeah, it went up in the first trimester, down in the second trimester...
..and then came the 'Don't even try, mister!'

 

by Going2Bdotcom
8-23-06
A baby's a great excuse to redecorate...
The baby slept in with us, so we replaced the waterbed with an innerspring mattress.
Any other advice?
You bet...If you ever try to move a waterbed, empty the water out first.

 

by Going2Bdotcom
8-23-06
This pregnancy is making me feel fatter and fatter.
Everyone else is looking skinnier and skinnier.
!!

 

by Going2Bdotcom
9-18-06
Maternity leave looms...
I'll have to give up a lot for this baby...
Sleep, nights out as a couple, my job...
That's nothing.
!
We have to give up YOU!!!

 

by Going2Bdotcom
9-18-06
One afternoon at the office...
I wish I was pregnant like you. He says he wants to but lately it just isn't happening.
Why don't you try wearing some sexy lingerie?
The next morning...
I meant at home.

 

by Going2Bdotcom
9-18-06
Learning about birth from an ancient African proverb...
Giving birth is like crossing a narrow bridge. You can walk to the bridge with someone...
..you can have someone meet you on the other side.
But you have to cross that bridge alone.
So make the damn bridge wider?

 

by Going2Bdotcom
10-06-06
At the fast food outlet.
You shouldn't eat junk food.
Why?
It gives you a fat tummmy.
Oh...
Later that day...
I know what you've been doing!
!

 

by Going2Bdotcom
10-06-06
Visiting a friend at her work...
Now that I'm pregnant I realise you've never said a word about YOUR pregnancy.
Pregnancy isn't a word.
?
It's a nine-month sentence!

 

by Going2Bdotcom
10-06-06
Why is your tummy getting so fat?
There's a baby growing in there.
So what's growing in your butt?

 

by Going2Bdotcom
10-06-06
Considering pain relief options...
Does laughing gas stop childbirth hurting?
No...
!
..but it does help you see the funny side of it.

 

by Going2Bdotcom
10-08-06
Early symptoms of pregnancy...
I was warned about morning sickness.
But I haven't got it...
Instead I've got 24/7 sicness!!

 

by Going2Bdotcom
10-09-06
You start to take more interest in other people's pregnancies.
My friend Eden is pregnant too. But she doesn't know who the father is.
How can she not know that?
Are you kidding, she's had more men than the Grand Old Duke of York!
!

 

by Going2Bdotcom
10-09-06
An introduction to 'woman-centred childbirth'.
Don't listen to what the doctors say.
Listen to your body - the baby will tell you what it wants.
I'll try.
The baby wants chocolate.

 

by Going2Bdotcom
10-11-06
People who want to be pregnant ask for your advice.
If you’re trying to conceive, you should keep track of how many days since your last period started.
14.
Then you’re probably at your most fertile right now.

 

by Going2Bdotcom
10-12-06
You rely on your obstetrician to do what’s best for you and the baby…
If the baby hasn’t arrived by the 11th I think we'll have to induce you.
Really!!?
Definitely!
I’m playing golf on the 12th.

 

by Going2Bdotcom
12-03-06
Visiting a friend...
My husband has always expected me to clean up after him and bring him his dinner, without a single word of thanks.
Doesn't that make you angry?
Not at all...
..and her twin babies.
..it was great practice for looking after the babies.

 

by Going2Bdotcom
10-18-07
Why do I get the feeling people are going to make fun of me?
Look, a beached whale. Help me push it back into the water!
Please don't put on a swimsuit. My stomach couldn't handle it!
Women's intuition strikes again.

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