All comics by Ian_Fraser

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by Ian_Fraser
5-24-04
The usual South African discussion is underway..
We have to stay and participate, regardless of the Government's incompetence-
How do you 'participate' in a train wreck?
You're just playing into the Governments hands by complaining, thus making yourself out to be a martyr of some kind.We have to try and fit in, even though they're clearly insane..
Conformity isn't any kind of defence against a bunch of power-mad losers who've turned into what they always hated the most... Hangon, you said 'martyr' - That gives me an idea..
You're going to alienate all those people who think a standard method of execution is somehow connected to their religion, you know?
Whatever! Shut up and call Mel Gibson. I smell a sequel.

 

by Ian_Fraser
5-24-04
Hmm, I see President Mbeki's gonna be opening Parliament today. No doubt he'll be doing the usual PR story about how wonderful things have become in just 10 years.
Assuming of course his bodyguards can slash and cut their way through the crowds of starving, homeless and jobless people..
Look they may be starving, unemployed, riddled with AID's and be doomed to a grisly horrific hopeless future - but at least everyone has the vote now. There's some dignity in that.
Since you put it like that, I guess that must be a big consolation to them. Gee, you've almost convinced me.. Lemme go see how our glorious Leader repackages civil unrest and repression as Democracy-
Note to self - don't mention Zimbabwe's state terrorism that we're supporting, the 600 daily deaths from AID's, the 120 daily crime deaths, the 1400 farmers murdered...
Hmm, looks like nothing's changed.

 

by Ian_Fraser
5-24-04
A Nation Reacts To the Death of a Pop Icon.
So Brenda Fassie's dead. Isn't that just so awful?
Yeah, it must be terrible to make millions out of bad pop songs, have no dress sense, stay drunken and drugged, then die coz you're too stupid to tell rat poison from cocaine-
You're not patriotic, are you?
What's that got to do with anything? Oh dear, South Africa lost a moron. Don't try and pretend you ever listened to her music, ever bought it, or even went to a concert of hers.
Hey kid, have you heard that Brenda Fassie's dead?
How could they tell?

 

by Ian_Fraser
5-24-04
South Africa's a nice country..geographically I mean. The people and the politics tend to suck tho - I mean if the world was a crotch - they'd unroll the contraceptive over South Africa..
The politics are sick here. I mean, the government trying to sell itself as kind and decent is a bit like a rapist trying to persuade his victim to buy them both a cup of coffee afterwards, you know?
I mean picture it - "Come on bitch! Just ONE fucking cappucino!!
A good line to insert here would be "..And Jesus wept.."

 

by Ian_Fraser
5-24-04
Did you notice how roughed up George W Bush was looking?
Yeah - what happened
According to the story, he was riding on his mountain bike and fell - scraping his nose and chin-
Okay - it fits in, given the DUI's, nose-picking and coke habits-
What, you seriously think the President of the USA was drunk, high on coke, and trying to pick his nose while riding downhill on a mountain bike, all at the same time?
Well, its either that - or inanimate objects have decided to actively join in the groundswell of human hatred for the one Fidel Castro aptly called 'The idiot son of the Mafia friend of worms'.

 

by Ian_Fraser
5-24-04
One day on a street in Johannesburg. Two journalists...
Hey. Isn't that someone who works for the Mail and Guardian?
Hmm - you could be right. Note the halo, the circling doves, the crowds of people following him, trying to touch his robe..
I'll be right back..
Nope. It was just some actors publicizing that new Troy movie.
Don't worry, you're gonna meet an M&G staffer one day. They have to mingle with us common folks sometime..

 

by Ian_Fraser
5-26-04
One day, in the shadow of the Brixton Tower..
I was the first in my area to get MyWireless. Anything rather than staying with the dialup method-
I guess you thought you were real clever, technologically-sophisticated and cool, didn't you?
Hell yeah! 24/7 perm connection. Fixed rate every month. Decent enough speeds that I could actually download things for the first time. For a brief moment I was the envy of the entire neighborhood.
The supermonkeys employed at the CallCentre got to you, didn't they? Despite your expertise with IT, their lies about 'it's just the contention ratio' made you almost accept the slow speeds, right?
A breakthrough in understanding..
Yeah.. They almost made me believe that speeds slower than a 56k modem, were supposedly what I'd signed a 2 year contract for.
Look on the bright side: They don't realize that we have rifles, their address, a deep burning anger - AND - the ability to spread the word about their service to the public and the Media.

 

by Ian_Fraser
5-26-04
"..And so you see - THAT'S why Jesus would frown upon any sort of illegal filesharing online."
Good grief, the BSA is really starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel..
"Thanks for having me on your show Nolene, oh and can I just mention my new book which'll be out in time for Christmas.."
I always thought whores were big-breasted sleazy women, lurking on street-corners. Arthur Goldstuck's knowledge and persona has given me a whole new insight on this paradigm.
In March 2004, the Harvard Business School released a study showing there is no connection between online 'illegal' file-sharing, and CD sales.
It's funny you never read about it in the newspapers, isn't it?

 

by Ian_Fraser
5-26-04
Orientation Day at Sentech's My Wireless Call Center Support Headquarters
"I'd like to welcome you all here, and - has everyone signed the confidentiality agreement? Good. Now, you people are the first line of defense between Sentech and responsibility-
Huh?
And for those of you who were wondering. Yes - it's true, we here serve The Dark One, Satan, Beezlebub. Call him what you like, just don't ever let on to customers. Someone help that lady who fainted-
Hi.
I'd like to thank Satan for stopping by - now, let's get back to inspiring feelings of total depression and despair in customers trapped in a 24 month contract-

 

by Ian_Fraser
5-27-04
The SA government keeps talking about 'using the information superhighway' to 'empower' people. And this to people without water, electricity or food-
Interesting fact: South Africa has 42 million citizens - but only 1.6 million taxpayers. (And wait, it gets better.) 65% of all tax is paid by just 400 000 individuals.
Around 600 people a day are dying in South Africa from AID's. 100 000 died last year alone, probably more than died in 40 years of Apartheid in total. 200 000 are expected to die this year.
According to the UN, 1 in 5 South Africans will be dead and dying of AID's by 2015. Disused mine-shafts are being looked at for body storage - something not being reported in SA-
It's odd that a government facing the imminent death of up to 10 million of its citizens, would behave so casually and not show any sign of real concern (ie: panic or action).
Unless its an economic 'cull'. Bio-genocide. Covert State terrorism. Removal of all those people it can't provide jobs, housing, or schooling for. Once they're dead they don't need to be provided for.

 

by Ian_Fraser
5-28-04
One day, outside the Pretoria headquarters of the Ministry of Doublespeak..
Stupid bloody kaffirs-
'Kaffirs'? My dear misguided friend - you shouldn't SAY that in the new South Africa-
Why not? We're a democracy - which is all about 'tolerating other peoples stupid views'- so everyone can hate and say what they like, no matter how racist or hateful-
Nope. Not acceptable.'Hate speech' and 'racism' is illegal in South Africa.(Which oddly enough, is 'trying to legislate Morality' - the same logic as the Nazi's and the previous Apartheid regime had.)
-But I thought we ARE a democracy? Surely that allows for totally diverse or stupid or racist views like mine, to exist? I mean in America the Klu Klux Klan and others routinely say worse?
Yes, but we're not like the USA. Here we just like to PRETEND we're a democracy, while actually being as fascist as the previous Regime in controlling people's thinking - and calling it 'freedom'.

 

by Ian_Fraser
5-28-04
South African standup comedy has no soul. No philosophy - no social conscience.
"Did you hear the one about the dumb blonde who.."
I'm a secretary out for the night, and I find this totally edgy and deeply profound!
What does 'no social conscience' mean? Well..picture comedy being done in a concentration camp in World War 2..
Well it's great to be back here in Hut 14!! Anyone here from Dusseldorf?
"I can't feel my legs..."
South Africa is a slaughterhouse, statistically. Making 'humour' in this context, from ethnic accents, and sexist and racist jokes, isn't 'comedy' anymore. It's perversion.
"And don't worry folks - when people ask what it was like doing comedy here in Belsen-Belsen - I'll tell them 'it was a gas!!" Ha! Ha! ...You've been great! Goodnight! I love you!!"

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