All comics by Ilse

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by Ilse
12-12-01
Hey Mr. Jackass, weren't you supposed to be expecting a letter?
Ummm, I'm not totally sure, Ms. Whore. But yes, I am supposed to be expecting a letter.
And so Ms. Whore found the letter, and handed it to Mr. Jackass
Heres your letter!
Hmmm... Its a letter from my doctor, it says "Dear Mr. Jackass, we received your sample and came to the conclusion that you will need to use viagra from now on"
Oh no! That is truly just horrible!
Not to worry! That was my brothers "sample". I had just taken a sh** load of ecstacy and I didn't wanna get caught!

 

by Ilse
12-12-01
Hiya Mr. Jackass. Its getting annoying always having to say your name so formally. Can I just call you Jack?
No.
Well why ever not??
I.... Umm.... I just.... Just no.
And so she decided.
Ok, I'll call you ASS!!!!
...............

 

by Ilse
12-12-01
Oh, I'm just fine. How are you?
Hiya ASS! How are you today?
OH NO!!! I'M SO SORRY!!!!!! ITS ALL MY FAULT!!!!
I haven't been very well. I got herpes.
.................
It IS all you fault! I'm never having sex with you again!! Burn, ASS, burn!!!

 

by Ilse
12-12-01
And so they switched their sides back to normal.
Well, what a load of sh** that happend today.
Ow.............
................
It burns......
Um.............
Its in my hair! Its in my hair!

 

by Ilse
12-12-01
Lets have sex again.
Ok.
About 5 minutes and 2 days later.
Oh hum.
Hum oh.
You fu****.
Sorry.

 

by Ilse
12-12-01
I have an idea for me to do just so!!!
Oh? What is it?
I can meet the president, do him, then file sexual harrassment against him, get him jailed, take all his money, and become the first female president that had sex with you!
Ok.
And so she went, banged him, filed the harrassment, got him jailed, but legally became a virgin again.
Back so soon?
It didn't work out so well......

 

by Ilse
12-12-01
WHAT THE FU**?!?!? We're normal again.... AND MY HERPES ARE GONE!!!!!! WOOOOO!!!!
ARGH! Mine are still there!!
Here ya go ;)
.....................
My panties are burning my vagina!
My fire is burning my herpes!!

 

by Ilse
12-12-01
And so ASS went to get his fire put out, and Ms. Whore bought new panties.
Ahhhh..... Life is good.....
Hey sweet cheeks. Wanna do me for a dollar?
Yes.
And they had sex.
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! SH**!!!!! I HAVE HERPES AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by Ilse
12-12-01
They sang.
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the fu**ing way!!
Oh what fun, it is to sh** all over your exgirlfriend's car!!
And sang.
Siiiiilent night, fu**ing night!!
Aaaaaaall is wrong, aaaaall is like sh**!!
And sang.
Rudoplh the red nose raindeer, had a fu**ing shiny nose!!
And if you ever saw it, you would even say it looks like sh**!!

 

by Ilse
12-12-01
Hey, I think I just might be able to tell you my name right this very fu**ing second!!
Ohh!! Really? Do tell!!
And so she did.
.......
.......
Wait.... Never mind.....
......
Fu** you. I'm getting some bacon fat to eat.

 

by Ilse
12-12-01
So she thought.
.......
And thought.
.................
And then ASS came back
I REMEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Really? Wow, thats a first....

 

by Ilse
12-12-01
And so she actually remembered!!!!!!!
YES!! I really remember!! WOOOO!!!
If you don't tell me now, I think I might faint and crack my fu**ing head open on your rock hard school girl shoes!
My name is..........
FU**Y MCFU**ERSTEIN WHORE!!!! But you can call me Eff
Hmmm... I accept!!

 

by Ilse
12-12-01
HI I AM NEW IN THE TOWN COULD YOU SHOW ME AROUND PLEASE BECAUSE I AM NEW IN THE TOWN AND I DO NOT KNOW MY WAY AROUND SO WOULD YOU BE SO KIND AS TO SHOW ME AROUND THE TOWN?
.................
HEY I DO NOT APPRECIATE BEING LIT ON FIRE LIKE THAT BECAUSE IT BURNS UP MY BODY AND THEN I GET ALL BURNED UP CAUSE THE FIRE BURNS UP MY BODY AND IT JUST HAPPENS LIKE THAT!
......
fu**er

 

by Ilse
12-13-01
ASS!! WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!?
I set a fu**er on fire.
Oh, ok then!
This is cramped......
......Then get out.....
.............I'm stuck..........

 

by Ilse
12-13-01
Hi, ASS is gone today, so you will be as bored as hell.
.............PSST............
.............
HI I AM THE NEW GUY IN TOWN WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX CAUSE SEX BRINGS PLEASURE AND PLEASURE MAKES PEOPLE HAPPY WHEN THEY HAVE SEX SO WANNA HAVE SEX?
fu**er
I THAT IS THE NUMBER OF THE SECOND TIME THAT HAS JUST MADE ME BE PUT ON FIRE AND I DON'T LIKE FIRE CAUSE IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE REALLY HOT AND IT BURNS UP MY BODY!!

 

by Ilse
12-13-01
ASS.... I just had a horrible encounter.......
The new guy?
Yes! How did you know!!
It figures that he would be a reoccuring character....
He actually asked to have sex with me!!
He asked me somthing worse... he actually wanted ME to show him around the town!!

 

by Ilse
12-13-01
Rrrrgggg........
Whats wrong?
Rrrrrrrrrrrrr........ AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
....................................
Whew......
Oops.... stuck.......

 

by Ilse
12-13-01
Fu** sh** la la la.....
EFF!!!!!! Somthing truly horrible and unbelieveable just happend 4 god da** seconds ago!!!!
Oh no!!! What happend??!!
It was just SO horrible!!!!!!
WHAT IS IT?!?!? TELL ME!!!!!!
I ran out of drugs.....

 

by Ilse
12-13-01
I still have some drugs, here, take some.
Thanks!
ASS!! Your not supposed to take THAT much!!
Whhhoooooaaaa......
Eff says "ASS!! SNAP OUT OF IT!!" But ASS hears it as "Hey.... your pretty da** hot....."
Lets fu**.

 

by Ilse
12-13-01
I'm glad those fu**ing drugs finally wore off, ASS.
I'm not.....
You fu**er...
I got a letter!!!!!
Read it!
Ok....*sniff sniff* AHHHHHHH ANTHRAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by Ilse
12-13-01
Look! Over there!! Its THE NEW GUY!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
HI I AM THE NEW GUY IN THE TOWN!! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEAK WITH ME FOR JUST A WHILE WHICH IS A RATHER SHORT TIME TO BE SPEAKING TO SOMEONE LIKE ME JUST FOR FUN DO YOU WANNA SPEAK TO ME?
.........................
HEY WHY ARE YOU RINNING FROM ME IS IT BECAUSE I AM THE NEW GUY IN TOWN AND I DO NOT KNOW VERY MUCH BECAUSE I AM NEW IN THE TOWN AND YOU ARE RUNNING FROM ME BECAUSE I AM NEW?

 

by Ilse
12-14-01
*pant pant* I HATE that guy!!
Yeah, hes a real fu**er...
Do you think he'll ever die? I mean, you lit him on fire.
Well, you lit me on fire, didn't you?
Good point.... fu**er
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! ANTHRAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by Ilse
12-14-01
Hyaa!
*bang bang*
HYAAAAA!!!
*BANG BANG!*
Lets have sex.
Yes.

 

by Ilse
1-22-02
Have you ever looked upon a rainbow?
...........
Have you ever wondered what life is about?
Ummm........
Have you ever had sex upside down in an airplane with turbulance?
D'oh....

 

by Ilse
3-16-02
PANTIES!!!!! OH GLORIOUS PANTIES!!!!! THESE ARE MY PANTIES!!!!! YOU FU**ING SH** HEAD!!!!!!
fweeeeeeeeeeee
ASS!!!!!!!! DON'T LEAVE!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE GONE!!!!!!..........
...............Oh god... Kill me now......
HI AGAIN I REMEMBER YOU DO YOU REMEMBER ME CAUSE I REMEMBER A PERSON THAT I THINK MIGHT HAVE ACTUALLY JUST MAYBE COULD'VE POSSIBLY IN A SUBTLE CHANCE HAVE BEEN YOU DO YOU REMEMBER ME I WAS ON FIRE!!!!

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