All comics by Judas

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by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is trying to get people interested in Dagorhir
You sir! How would you like to hit people with foam swords?
I like to hit people.
Well, we meet at Cannon Park every Sunday around two o'clock. Show up, and you can fight with us.
Are there hot young women there?
Um... if you look at Dalmar from behind, he looks like a hot young woman!

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is trying to get people interested in Dagorhir
Excuse me sir, how would you like to participate in a historical reenactment?
What the hell are you doing in a trash can?
I represent Dagorhir Battlegames, some people read about the Middle Ages, we live it. Come see us at Cannon Park on Sundays if you're interested.
No way man, the middle ages were all about oppression of the working class. I can't dig that.
Bitch, you're a bourgeoisie, pseudo-intellectual hanging out in a graveyard. You don't know a thing about the working class.
Point. I'm there.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas may have recruited someone!
...So that's it. We have extra weapons if you wanna come to Cannon Park on Sunday and check us out.
I don't know, man. Is it safe?
Of course it's safe! All of our weapons are tested by our Weaponsmaster before every practice to ensure they won't hurt anybody.
I see, and who does he test these weapons on?
...Me.
I'm going this way now.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas sees a possible recruit
Hey you! How would you like to beat people with foam swords?
Wha?
Yeah, a group of us get together and beat each other up every Sunday at Cannon Park. You should come... is that patchouli?
Yeah, man.
Never mind, one hippie is enough for me.
These rocks are smiling at me.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is feeling down
No one wants to come to Cannon Park on Sundays and play with us...
You're not going to find any recruits in the desert, Judas.
Yeah, you're probably right, Shadow... wait a minute what the hell are you doing here?
Umm... looking for cacti.
If I wasn't deathly afraid of your fighting skills, I'd throw a brick at you, hippie!

 

by Judas
9-09-02
So, you're gonna fight for me, right guys?
Guys?
I know, I know, I'm so dead... BLOW ME!
Sorry!
Jikanta! Put your fucking clothes back on! You're not helping!

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Evil forces plot in their secret dimensional headquarters
So how can we seriously fuck with people's minds?
Let's make Krell King!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
No, seriously.
I was being serious!

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Uh oh, looks like someone's unhappy with Judas' recruitment tactics!
Hi Dominus, what the hell are you doing out here?
Judas, you're an embarassment to the sport. I mean, advertising in a trash can, what are you thinking?
You're looking "extra gay" today, sir.
Uh huh, right.
...Skrade made me wear this.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Dominus and Judas are talking politics.
We're supposed to be a Middle Ages simulation. The fall of Imperial Rome marked the start of the Early Middle Ages. But let's put that aside for a second.
So you see, Dagorhir needs to have a serious public image. I mean, look at Rome! We're the most historically accurate realm in Dagorhir. We make the sport look authentic. You sully our rep, man.
You're the most historically accurate realm because you get stomped every time you take the field against someone who fights like a group of angry Germans.
The Roman style of field combat was rendered obsolete 1500 years ago. That's why the EBF will continue to stomp your asses every time they take the field against you.
I hate you.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Dominus and Judas are sick of being in the water for no apparent reason
Bitch, I've been out here for days trying to recruit people for this sport. I spread the word the best I can. More people equals bigger field battles.
You know, I'm glad I banned you from the forums. You do nothing to contribute to our sport.
Dude, I want quality as well as quantity. If people are willing to talk to someone in a trashcan, they're probably pretty cool.
But... you're in a trashcan for crying out loud...
I'm going this way!
You know... there might be even cooler people that would show up if you were up on a cross...

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Dominus put Judas on a cross!
If it wasn't for that damned trashcan, I coulda got away!
You're just too damned slow, boy. Now, stay up there and do a good job recruiting for Dagorhir!
Have a splendid day!
Fucker coulda at least left me some flyers or something...

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas gets back to work
Excuse me sir, would you be interested in joining a Middle Ages combat group?
You're Jesus, man!
Um... Judas actually. Anyways, we meet every Sunday over at Cannon Park if you wanna come check us out.
No way, you've got to be Jesus, you look just like him!
I can still kick you from this thing, bitch.
I'm going this way!

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is determined to get someone to come to Dagorhir!
Hmm...
Jesus! Have I sinned or am I going to heaven?
You will burn in hell! Unless you go to Cannon Park on Sundays and fight with my chosen people!
I shall go to this park, my lord.
This might be easier than I thought...

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas has a plan!
You there! Your lord and saviour commands you to go to Cannon Park on Sundays or spend an eternity in hell!
Anything for you, Jesus!
Go to Cannon Park on Sundays, my son, and witness the healing power of my heavenly father in action!
Oh, thank you Jesus!
He's on a roll!
Hey brother...
Cannon Park, Sundays, I heard the word, my lord.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
After three days on the cross, Judas feels content
Yep, Dagorhir has a whole slew of new people, and it's all thanks to me!
...And thanks unwittingly to that bald cocksmoker Dominus...
Now somebody please get me down from here!

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is really starting to get ticked off!
Shadow! Ogrebane! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!
Shrew! Thank god it's you!
Uh oh!
We need to talk, Judas...

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas appears in a lot of trouble...
Uh huh...
Son, the entire city of Loveland showed up at Cannon Park today...
They all thought they were going to witness the second coming!
When we explained to them that it was you on the cross, and not the son of God, they all beat the shit out of us!
Any promising fighters, Shrew?
They were using tire-irons, shithead!

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is still in a lot of trouble...
Look, there's no law against impersonating a deity!
Yes, but there is a law against inciting a riot. You're under arrest!
Wait a minute! I wasn't there! It was Shrew who told the people there was going to be no second coming. HE incited the riot!
....
Or maybe not...
He's got a point, son.
You fucker...

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Shrew is being arrested!
Shut up, punk! Get in the car!
I'll get you for this, you evil bastard!
Ha ha! What's my name, bitch! Don't drop the soap! Ha ha ha ha.... ha... ha...
...Okay, SOMEBODY GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas has been on the cross for a long time!
Must... eat...
...pussy...
...ha ha ha... okay, seriously, somebody come and rescue me now...

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is fading fast!
Ugh, can't... make it... much... longer...
Wha tha fuh?
Hello Judas, fear not... I will save you...
Guthrie? What the fuck happened to you?
It's Father Guthrie now, and watch your language my son.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Father Guthrie has come to save Judas!
Seriously, man. What happened?
I have found my calling, Judas. I am a servant of God now.
Admit it, you're just in it for some altar boy ass, right Guthrie?
....
I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Do you want saved, or not?

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Father Guthrie has come to save Judas!
So... what are you waiting for, get me down from here, man!
Oh, I didn't come here to get you down...
Wha...
I came here to SAVE you. Save you from an eternity in hell.
You motherfuc...
Watch your language, or I'll change my mind.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Father Guthrie has come to save Judas' soul!
No...
Do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your savior?
Do you accept the fact that once I get down from this cross I'm going to shove it right up your ass!
You sick fuck...
Don't threaten me with a good time.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Father Guthrie has come to save Judas' soul!
Guthrie, not even if you promised to get me down from here afterwards.
Last chance, Judas. Repent, or face an eternity of firey torment.
Yes, I still have my integrity.
Really...?
Hey! Get back here, you little bitch!
Too bad, I was gonna let you down from there.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is all alone again...
Guthrie! Guthrie! Get back here you little cunt!
...sigh... I am so dead... oh well, things couldn't get much worse...
...I spoke too soon...
Hiya, Judas!

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Dominus has returned!
What the hell do you want, Dominus?
I came to get you down, Judas.
Wha... why?
Because, Rome's never killed anyone. We're playing a game, remember?
You're right, Rome's never killed anyone.
You know... there's a first time for everything...

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is finally down from the cross!
*cough cough*
Well, I hope you've learned your lesson. Don't insult me or my Empire. Goodbye.
I've got a lesson for you, you bald cunt.
Yeah, what's that?
Don't ever turn your back on Judas!
Ow...

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas punked down Dominus!
This is my comic! I get to gloat!
Why the hell are you still here?
Ha ha!
THE END!
For now
I might just go back out for some more publicity!

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is dragged to hell!
We have to talk...
Why am I normal me?
Due to the serious nature of what we have to discuss. Look, I'll be frank. Your comics just aren't pulling in enough pageviews.
I've only been making them for a day!
Hey, I'm the devil. Who said I had to hold any type of realistic standard?

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is still in hell!
Look, to draw in your core audience of Dagorhirim, you need to change your material.
How so?
You need to make more jokes about unpopular people.
Like who?
Well... you.
Wha...?

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is still in hell!
You see, the truth is... nobody likes you.
No way, I'm beloved wherever I go!
You never go anywhere! You haven't been to a National Event in three years! And you average only about one practice every couple months.
So?
Why the hell did you run for treasurer of Mordor?
I'm a Hebrew. I handle money. It's what I do.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is still in hell!
Everyone talks about you behind your back.
And about everyone else. It's human nature, what's your point?
They also talk about you to your face, and you're too stupid to realize it!
Wha...?
You think people call you a rhinohiding backbiter because they love you?
It's what I do best!

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is still in hell!
Do you just not care what people think of you?
Correct.
So, we have to rely on your self loathing, then?
I guess so.
What if I called you fat?
I'll stick that pitchfork in your urethra, bitch.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is still in hell!
So, what do you dislike about yourself?
Um... I hate my pearish figure, I'm slow, I can't fight, I'm out of shape, I'm too nice and my penis is small.
Judas is still in hell!
We can work with small dick jokes.
No we can't.
Judas is still in hell!
Why not?
No one cares.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is still in hell!
What do you mean, "no one cares?" Sexual inadequacies and lack of standards have always been a hallmark of quality comedy.
No it hasn't.
Huh?
Just because it's popular doesn't mean it's quality.
There's a difference...?
You got lucky with The Rock and Jim Carrey, buddy.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is still in hell!
But look at the fun everyone is having making fun of Bree!
That's different.
I thought it all stemmed from her lack of standards.
No, it mostly stems from the fact that everyone doesn't like her because she lied about some stuff back in the day. Notice how none of the insults are funny? That's a sign of malice.
Yours aren't funny either, sir.
I don't have a lot to work with here. You're the devil, help me out!

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is still in hell!
Well, you could start by making fun of her ass.
Bad taste.
Bad taste? You're the one who makes 8-million jokes about anal rape, pedophilia and rohypnol!
You missed the joke.
...I don't even wanna know...
...I heard things...

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is still in hell!
Look, I talked to Gnome and I've came up with a few things...
You talked to Gnome...?
Yeah, I got his soul in exchange for the ability to seduce women.
That explains everything.
You don't even wanna know what I'm getting from Will Scarlit.
You sure do work miracles.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is still in hell!
I help a lot of people in Dagorhir with their problems.
Really, like who?
You know how Mirkwood's getting better?
Yeah...
I get Shatterhaze's firstborn.
If he took any of our suggestions for proposing to Jo, you might have to wait a while.

 

by Judas
9-09-02
Judas is still in hell!
I've failed a couple times trying to help people though.
How so?
Louie still sucks...
Can't work miracles...
And I still can't get you laid...
Well... HEY!

 

by Judas
9-10-02
Judas is still in hell!
Alright, gotta ask you if a few things are your fault.
Shoot.
Galin Shields.
Not my fault. That was all him.
Flails.
Sorry...

 

by Judas
9-10-02
Darkon
Just the Black Swords and the Flails.
NERO
Just the fighting speed.
Amtgaard
That was a collaboration with Lilith.

 

by Judas
9-10-02
Judas is still in hell!
Okay... um... Super Bran.
He's that good, no help from me.
Usal Khan.
Yes?
I KNEW IT!
I mean, he's that good.

 

by Judas
9-10-02
Judas is still in hell!
C'mon, Usal, why the deception? I would have found out eventually.
Look, I'm not really the devil. I'm just taking his place for a while.
What's he doing now that you have to play substitute lord of darkness?
Working on the next Star Wars movie.

 

by Judas
9-10-02
Judas is still in hell!
So, what do you do around here to kill time?
Oh, the usual. Perpetuate the spread of evil across the world, torture the damned, unleash my hordes of demons upon the Earth... nothing special.
Well, it's been fun. I've gotta get back topside. I've got a sport to promote!
Later days.
Don't go... I'm so lonely.

 

by Judas
9-10-02
Judas is leaving hell!
Usal, you're the devil pro-temp. You can get all the blow jobs and anal sex you want. Later.
Oh yeah...
THE END!
Hey Legion, c'mere!

 

by Judas
9-11-02
Hi there! A lot of people have complained that there are not enough women in my comics. Normally, I could care less.
However, because it's national "We're all victims" Day, here's a series starring my sister. Her boobs are actually a lot bigger.
You didn't have to tell them that!
I thought you'd be upset if I misrepresented your bust size.

 

by Judas
9-11-02
Ignore the last strip!
Do as he says
Or we'll do evil things to you
Ignore the last strip!
Do as he says
Oh no...
Ignore this strip too!
BLARG! BLARG! I AM VIOLATING THE GIRL!
Don't screw up again Judas! I hate tentacle rape jokes!

 

by Judas
9-19-02
Soo Bree Goes Walking By the River....
Bitch you stink!
Close your legs!
Some of us are trying to eat over here!

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