All comics by LD

 

Mad as hell at the networks and won't take it anymore by LD 7-11-02
Time: Last night's ABC Nightline broadcast - a news item on Grand Theft Auto 3 that failed to cover both sides of the story (as always). Violent video games create real-life violence! @#$%@#!@#%^@#$!! RUBBISH!!	Network news - they know they're biased, but they refuse to admit it. Also, they fail to get the facts straight. You get more points for head shots and for shooting hookers! Wrong again! It goes to show the networks don't know jack shit about GTA3!	Honestly...doesn't half-witted news broadcasts make you want to destroy your TV? Hah! A pox on you and the horse you rode in on, ABC! Same for you, NBC, CBS, and CNN!

 

Beginning of GTA3 adventure by LD 8-09-02
Still steamed from the ABC "story" on GTA3, LD decides to get some sleep and fuhgeddaboudit. Grumble, grumble, snarl, fume...	The next thing he knows, he's in the world of GTA3 - but he doesn't know it nor does he know what's going on. Huh? Where am I?	Now, he's about to embark on an adventure the likes of which he hasn't encountered before. Who are you? (8-Ball) - I know of a place in the Red Light District where we can lay low, but my hands are messed up, so you better drive, brother.

 

GTA3 - First job by LD 8-11-02
After locating a hideout - LD still has no idea what's going on or who this guy is. What the hell is this place? I know this guy, his name's Luigi. He and I go back, so maybe I can get some work for you.	Later, in the back alley of Luigi's Sex Club 7 in the Red Light District... Who is this guy? 8-Ball's got some business upstairs. Maybe you can do me a favor. One of my girls needs a ride from the clinic. Pick her up, and bring her back here.	What's up? He's not a chauffeur! Uh...okay. Remember, no one touches my girls. So keep your eyes on the road and off Misty. If you don't screw this up, maybe there'll be more work for you. Now get outta here!

 

GTA3 - New contact(s) by LD 9-14-02
Later, after bringing Misty back to Luigi's strip joint and beating the crap out of a drug dealer with a baseball bat, LD goes back for more work from Luigi. Hmmm... How ya doin', kid? The Don's son, Joey Leone, wants some action from his regular girl Misty.	Working for a pimp...great. Talk about low. Great...I'm working for a pimp. So pick her up at her apartment in Hepburn Heights - but watch yourself, that's Diablo turf.	But...needs must. No point in complaining... Sure, no problem. Joey ain't the guy you keep waiting. Remember, this is your foot in the door, so keep your eyes on the road and off Misty.

 

GTA3 - New contact(s) II by LD 9-14-02
At Misty's place in Hepburn Heights and not encountering any Diablos... So, you're workin' for Luigi, huh? It's about time he got a driver we can trust. Yeah, whatever...	Meeting up with Joey...car mechanic, huh? Or is he really something else? Joey! So, do I get to play with your big end again? In a minute, spark plug. I need to talk to this guy.	Hmmm...another contact for work...leastways from the other side of the street. What do I make of THIS guy? This is the Don's son? Looks are deceiving. Hi, I'm Joey. Luigi said you were reliable, so if you come back later, there may be some work for you.

 

GTA3 - Pump Action Pimp by LD 11-16-02
Let's see if Luigi has more work for me... I'm starting to like it...or am I?	Oops...he's not pleased about something. Man, what's Luigi all in a snit about? Some Diablo scumbag has been pimping his scuzzy bitches in my backyard! Go and take care of things for me!	Right...that Diablo SOB is dead! Sure thing. If you need a piece, go to Ammu-Nation opposite the subway.

 

GTA3 - Pump Action Pimp part 2 by LD 7-25-03
Later, in Hepburn Heights, looking for a certain Diablo pimp who's out of his territory... Where is he? I have an AK with his name on it.	Ah, there he is...AND HE'S TOTING A SHOTGUN! Okay, maggot, you won't stay in your turf? I'm taking you down! Yeah?! You and whose army, punk?	It doesn't take an army to finish off a territory-bucking pimp...just some luck. *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* Now, die!!

 

GTA3 - The Fuzz Ball by LD 7-25-03
Luigi's final job, it seems... The Policemen's Ball is being held at the old school hall near the Callahan Bridge and they'll be looking for some old-school action.	Hmmm...driving a bunch of his girls to a policemen's ball? Sounds interesting... Okay. Now I got girls all over town walking the streets. Get them to the ball, they'll make a bundle.	Sounds like it will be a fuzz ball... It shall be done. Get as many over there as you can before the cops drink away their green.

 

GTA3 - just a dream by LD 2-03-05
That GTA3 thing...just a dream. Huh...where am I?	Whew...just a dream. What to do...better check on the cats.	They're hungry, bub - and they'll rip each other apart if you make 'em wait. And I better do it fast...

 

Fighting kitties by LD 2-03-05
Meanwhile, in the garage...things are coming to a head between two jealous felines... LITTLE BIT: Back off, Snowy...this is MY territory! SNOWY: No way Jose...I have as much right here as you do!	It's GO time... LD: Little Bit! Snowy! STOP THAT! BOTH: Meow! Hisss, rowr!	Egads...looks painful... LD: Aaahhh! What the @#$% are you doing, you crazy furballs?! Gaaahhh!!!

 

Advice for little JJ by LD 3-04-05
We interrupt this real-life broadcast for a slice of advice for a certain little one. [JJ] Hah-hah-hah Mum, you crazy cowbag...serves you right! I'm gonna make life sheer hell for you! Now where's that liquor cabinet...might as well get a head start! [Mags] WHY?! Why did I do it that night?!	Little JJ's gonna be a year old - the advice? Make your parent's lives a LIVING HELL! [JJ] Makes you wish you didn't get drunk that night, Dad? Excuse me, I'm gonna go flush your keys down the loo. [Darque] WHY?! Nine months of waiting and a year after the birth...he's outta control!!	That's right, little JJ - BE A HELLRAISER! BOW DOWN!! PLEASE!! I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!

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