All comics by Lighty

 

by Lighty
10-31-12
Are you Dry?! Rant Rave Tickets Grrrr POS Cage Enough Rant Rave No staff (Frowns) Grrr Tickets Your Problem Rant Rave Grrrrr Oh Hi Eamonn
Does this Girl ever pause for breath?! Sigh appears not. (leaves note saying freezer door broken)
What! The Freezer Door is broken. Arggggh Grrr Rant Rave Tickets Door No Staff (Frowns) Who are you Grrr Rant Rave?
Am here to Fix your Freezer but check out my arms why don't you?
Ooer Hot Flush alert. Fresh Meattastic and he fixes doors. Kerching!
UrHuh Last Chicken in the shop look too babe

 

by Lighty
3-05-13
Oh why can't someone help me find a man! Gasp who are you?
Why I'm you're fairy Godmother of course. Now tell me what you're looking for and I'll see if I can't rustle up a pumpkin (purple of course) or two!
(Takes enormous breath) Ok is quite simple all I want is a man who is a doormat, has arms like trees, changes colour according to my mood, doesn't buy dolls blah blah drone drone
yawns oh my such a cough short list....
which brings me onto the most important feature after his middle name must begin with a G which is um Fairy Godmother are you paying attention?!
splutter um yes of course I was just um checking in on Snow White and seeing how she was doing. Do go on (shudders)

 

by Lighty
3-05-13
Now my Fairy Godmother has got me speed dating and has promised me a varied selection of Penrith Beefcakery for my perusal
yes my dear just remember that a Penrith 10 is well a bit like Richards taste in music
Too old
But my middle name is George!
Too Young
But am very walkableoverable!

 

by Lighty
3-05-13
Just no
But I eat beetroot!
um strictly bedroom only (begins to sneeze)
But I can be good too!
Too evangelical but love the hair
Its the Cuban heels isn't it be honest now

 

by Lighty
3-08-13
Come my children and gather round as I lead you to enlightenment (pops Steps CD into stereo hidden amongst soft furnishings)
Oh mighty guru lead me from the evil that is Morrisons and teach me to dance to 5,6,7,8?
Of course my child for Steps is just the first part to musical enlightenment
sigh but do I have to go to Newcastle to learn more?
No my child let your mind be like a mirror and the Justin Timberlake box set shall be yours
You speak His name aloud! Verily the higher mysteries have been revealed. TY guru TY

 

by Lighty
6-24-13
Watcha darlin fancy some Jobomagic
I'm busy for the next few years sorry
So how YOU doing? Fancy a bite to eat if you know what I mean?
Um I don't do charity am sorry (runs)
Am looking for a penis about so long and um this wide?
Pick me! pick me (slurps wine) ho diggity been a while but like riding a dyke I mean bike yes?

 

by Lighty
6-24-13
Well Hi there small village person (turns smoke machine on) IAM BELGIUM BOY SENT BACK THROUGH TIME TO TAKE YOUR RESOURCES!
If you try you'll get a bad time!
(turns off smoke machine). Um really how so?
I am Hiioshi and look how much OD my tribe has. I have 46 myself.
(turns machine back on) cough splutter. YES AS I WAS SAYING JUST GIVE IT UP NOW AS I HAVE OUTSIDE UNDERPANTS TO IRON
But i could help you. we could be besties in this square. cries

 

by Lighty
6-28-13
So my future Internals cough tribemates I believe it is time for you to merge into my tribe!
I don't think so
Then I will be forced to noble you all. mwahhawwahhhh and do not attack me for I am uber player and can withstand anything
One second er Rosie can I have a quick word
miaaaow
oh sweet jesus cats I freaking hate cats shoo shoo oh why can't I flick my hair. OMG my hair

 

by Lighty
6-28-13
news is just in that the Great Internaller known as Daz has jumped the gun and tried to internal a tribemate that hadn't in fact quit
OMG you mean he tried to do like a normal cap?
oh yes indeedy
How did it go?
Well I laughed! In other news it seems the Daz is also going for Uk server's worst ever diplomat award
I sense Wimbledon coverage might be delayed. Stay tuned for more..

 

by Lighty
6-29-13
Today is Mine!
Let me at them!
I kills you!
Its complicated
kids today just can't make the same PnP. Why i remember back in '32...
You saved me Sam

 

by Lighty
7-05-13
Oh hello there Impressionable Forum Reader did I ever tell you about the time we found 2 pallies in our villa?
No Iteam was it a huge flash in the sky and it just appeared? Wow you're amazing
(chuckles) oh the youth of the day no I mailed everyone in my tribe asking for support but get this I didn't actually mean it...
Wow! thats awesome so you sent a mail asking for support but you were just kidding and wait so how did the pally arrive?
well I guess some not as awesome as me just read the mail and the forum post and thought I actually meant it (slaps thigh in mirth)
so they sent it? Um thats not quite as awesome as I thought still doesn't count right if you didn;t actually need it. Wait I'm confused...

 

by Lighty
8-07-13
Oh hello dearie. Ty for being such a kind neighbour. My what big fins you have...
Yes helps me to become a better shark. Folks think we just mindless killers and molest young tuna but we have feelings too
Well I like you as you let me grow old in peace not like all the others stealing others villas. Such a nice shark
aw shucks Granny Darkhorse don't tell the others or they'll call me poppet again! Oh look mail. Please attack all saxane love and hugs Jo. Oh Granny are you going to your villa?
argh Shark what are you doing with those teeth. Oh my poor villa
Poppet she calls me! Well let you know thats Granny Eating Poppet to you!

 

by Lighty
8-07-13
I have returned forum users of UK! Fear me Fear me and my evil clown disguise!
Wow Thargoran! Elder players use to scare us at the start of NB with tales of you! Farm those barbs or Tharg will return and ban you (shudders)
Well of course and told you to eat your greens I hope and read all my guides?
Of course though often folks don't know you inspired them but if we didn't they said they'd show us the pic!
The pic of you banning folk in your back garden dressed only in a pair of budgie smugglers
Meine Fresse! Now you know why I dress up as a clown for my professional work! Hand over the pic little UK forum user or you shall be banned for eternity with only the Pic for company. Mwwwahhhaaa!

 

by Lighty
8-07-13
Hola Dios! Muy muy buenas tardes Tell me a leetle beet about a game acalled Tribal Wars!
Yes my son of course. What would my friend like to know
everything senor! You know the higher meesteries about how you say it (whispers) the script that makes you ugrade your farms from a few frijoles to an estancia!
hum my son this is a dark road indeed! This script you speak will endanger your immortal soul!
caramba! I no want to go to hell! Just to farm a leetle better!
sigh. TW the game filled with huge ego's and tiny personalities. Everyone wants to be like CF these days. Grrrrrr

 

by Lighty
8-12-13
Huntin wascally pussy cats is hard. First you need a scary nuke
eek!
Or if you haven't got a scary nuke just send what you have and hope you can crack their ribs by making them laugh. Then press ok and wait quietly
Ok am waiting too oh the suspense!
Had more problems with my last furball

 

by Lighty
8-18-13
you know Reef you always make me sit on this bench and look like a dweeb. I'm a duke! A visionary! I need to be more than a guy sitting on a bench
um ok I'll ask Jo if she can help as am sure she has just the thing for you!
(singing) Look at my moves! see my feet burn this dancefloor baby
BoSelecta!
um Reef. Never let Jo help out again. Ever. You know I sort of like that bench
You got it. Chuckles

 

by Lighty
8-18-13
Everything is Perfect Impressionable Forum Person
wow!
We are climbing the ranks and no one is attacking us much everything is just well peachy!
Its amazing folks must think you are almost like Mary Poppins?!
Except you can't spell Goddess on your Profile page
Doh!

 

by Lighty
8-20-13
We are the mighty warrior sent back from the age of Nordic myth to take this world from you! Mwwaahhhhaaaa
Wow! you guys are funky so whats your secret
um well mostly location plus we put the TH in Undercats thus saving the Big Huggle from unnecessary ridicule (nods)
oh i do so hate that unnecessary ridicule folks can be so mean oh look yonder some young barbs are giving out free clay and wood to all who ask!
Barbs! Quick shout for the boys is free villa time godamn pointy helmet slows me down oh look a 1200 point whopper! oh claim and go claim and go!
No those poor barbs! Still someone will no doubt rehouse them for you (sobs)

 

by Lighty
8-22-13
Ta Da Just stolen Commercial's Best (and only joke) and quick cut and paste and comic immortality is mine.
Ok so just time to browse the internet and do some research, ok great tits omg thats not what I meant. Oh hang on a sec hello clifford!
Oh wait she's wearing denim oh no Jazz Hands don't go limp is just a sturdy cotton twill fabric nothing to fear...
Damn You Bewitched you have ruined my life!
still I really love my animals
Ook?!

 

by Lighty
8-27-13
So as previously discussed huntin' wascally puddy tats is hard so this time we will sneak up on them...
its the eye of the puddy tat its the thrill of the fight risin' up to the challenge of this nooby fight! (air guitar and furballs may or may not have happened at this point)
So sneaking up on a frontline villa means you have to batter down some stacks....
shimmy shimmy oh let me shift my D let me stalk my prey in the night hangin; tough stayin' hungry....
shifting d eek thats o no drat my grammar was poor but still ah wait. Um actually I have no excuse except my brother. Go forth Havokererer with pointy helm and explain everything. Sobs

 

by Lighty
9-02-13
the Book of TW chaper 4 verses 3 to 17.
Vengeance has wings!
Up and down Up and down oh look a spear!
miaaaow
I am not overweight I just like my merlot (gulps) and in a mirror we are all Tigers really
Hold the ketchup and hand over your villa or I shall turn you into a frog (the non prince kissing type too mwwwaahhhhh)

 

by Lighty
9-05-13
My cat says that Nauzhror is an anagram for every awesome word ever oh hello there Impressionable Forum User
wow even words like Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Lol yes Mary Poppins co played me on worlds 3 and 7 but she refused to noble when an east wind blew so I went solo formed the tribe Iwinzagain and won a world even before it opened
That is good nauz even for you and saved having to quit before getting catted?
Yes well my cat doesn;t like to talk about that so anyway did I tell you how much I farmed on w46 using only rams and the words Ho Diggity
Actually i think you did but hey lets hear it again (pops in cheese into ears and assumes the nauz is talking happy look)

 

by Lighty
9-05-13
Drat! sigh Try Again. Drat! sigh try again. WooHoo I is awesome!
Size isn't everything you know
Laugh why don't you I'm the last one all the rest have retired now just pop your head there why don't you
by heck lass
there are many of us?
So as you can see when the particle that isn't there collides with the particle that we think is there this happens...Guess

 

by Lighty
9-07-13
when I started out on TW I tried to be nice but it didn't go well
Haha look at the noob!
so I read some guides so I could be cool like the rest of the kids but (cries) no they still wouldn't let me play with them
Look at me! Look at me no handle bars! No bother someone else I am too smexy for you
But then I realised if I gave them my villas and was nasty to everyone then they'd let me play with them but I have to be mean to everyone even you Impressionable Forum User
Oh this story is so sad but its ok as deep down I'm sure you're not all nasty and sad and you don't kick kittens everyday? Just on weekends and Tuesdays?

 

by Lighty
9-10-13
Being the bestest defender of all time is hard Impressionable forum user
I can imagine all that moving def, supporting your tribemates and be ready at times must be hard. Plus I guess the living conditions are tough?
yes being a turtle is hard at times but it gives me time to invent new words plus folks think I'm awesome
of course oh look a new report just in for you!
What! my nuke caught at home on the front line what was I thinking oh wait...yes a brother my mother will be surprised but who will suspect....
I am Havokererer ur rer and ahem yes it was I who did what I was supposed to have done or not done I forget.

 

by Lighty
9-14-13
Why hi there Impressionable Forum User you here today to learn about my flicky hair?
um not really I...
How even parts of Africa without internet worship my skills and feed my need to be adored by all oh look a little Will shrine
Isn't that Swahili for How many co players?
How I was voted best Pipe smoker in Big Boys in Boots Magazine even though I don't even smoke....
oh well done you!

 

by Lighty
9-14-13
Grrrr Is so not fair Jo (not that I'm talking to you as you're mean to me) why does Will get an I iz Awesome cartoon and I nothing. I have clicky skillzs too (honest)
Um yes poppet ok well I will make you one too (waves hands mysteriously). Now I have given you special powers for your next tribe circular....
Ha Jo always lies so lets see. Dear Tribe as you know I am awesome and wonderful so this mail is to underline your feelings of awe towards me....
Oh no another mail from CF quick let me hit delete...wait I feel odd why I feel compelled to read it no wait ah nooooooo!
So as I was saying Tribe ahem minions this is why I am considered the best even Will says so thiugh of course it is embarassing to mention his name...
(chanting) yes CF you are the Best repeat to fade

 

by Lighty
9-18-13
So I just draw a dead cat here and a smiley face there and rude note to Rachel there and voila my handover is done. Oh Hi Cally How's things?
Eek you drew a dead cat! That's so mean just because they make rubbish pets, kill 27 trillion songbirds an hr and poo in sandpits doesn't mean they need to die. Waves wand mysteriously....
OMG Cally you have cursed me and changed me into a species hunted by cats so they can have revenge
hi I'm Cally's cat and I mostly eat songbirds but am partial to rabbit too....
Ha see how you like it oh wait where's my cat and why have you got an axe and how to make slippers book
I really don't like cats hehe

 

by Lighty
9-19-13
and in other news the National park fears for Cumbria's stone walls as Hailey learns to drive a van.
Authorities are concerned that any wall outside the turning circle of say a 747 are now in danger of demolition
Sources say that blame is being laid at those directing Hailey but CCTV shows her holding the steering wheel
although rumours saying she was singing along to Born to be Wild are just speculation at this time
but we are now able to go live to exhaust cam to learn what really happened
oh look I can see a little spider there on all that rubble...

 

by Lighty
9-22-13
No way Rachel you are as tiny as me and almost a canny accent too. Fancy watching some Byker Grove together?
Pfft begone Geordie lass mackem town is where its at! Praise Di Canio with Great Praise! Waves wand and Zap!
eek! You have turned me into a squirrel and a grey one too! Right take that (waves wand) and may The Master Jimmy Nail strike you down...
oof! A ewe right thats it I'll banish Ant & Dec from TV forever....
(crying) nooooo! Not Ant & Dec ok you win I'll do your tickets before Fresh and put up a poster of Dave Stewart
Ha ok and delete all your Byker Grove DVD's and stop calling your Goldfish Donna Air!

 

by Lighty
2-23-14
The thing about being a famous bird is that you always get hassled by the paps
Oh I hate that look what they did to Lady Di
Exactly! So there I was having a good time dressed up wearing only a smile when in walks this hedgehog...
Oh go on this sounds good
Well not exactly maybe had a few too many drinks and before I know it am front page news and getting pestered for invites to show my party piece (blushes)
Oh thats terrible. Personally I blame your Mother but thats just me

 

by Lighty
3-01-14
Kill me?! No wait surely a mistake
So is Attila the Hun, Genghis of course did terribly well then me oddly named but next in a long line of warlords....
Be nice as you wouldn't like me if you made me cross
My mum named me Erik and the horned helmet is strictly bedroom.
Small I may be but I'll eat your soul for eternity.
well have eaten all your nibbles, drunk all your wine and now you don't mind if I stay for a few days do you?

 

by Lighty
3-02-14
News is breaking that self titled "BomberBoy" has appeared from .net on a mission to have fun, save the UK from the virus Hugger and it says here start a blog?!
Sheesh superheroes these days. I remember when they just wore their underpants oddly and broke young girls hearts...
well we have breaking news that HugaTron is destroying yet another UK world but (gasp) BomberBoy is on the way. Will he save the UK and some kittens...
BomberBoy says No to Hugs and yes to wearing underpants oddly. There you go Kittycat HugaTron is defeated well until nobles appear
Wow thanks BomberBoy. Love the Cuban Heels

 

by Lighty
3-08-14
I forgot my tag line...
Sheesh Rodders you've got long legs
I'm walking bacon too!
Am not nice
lead into gold? No problems just don't mark my new coat
Oh but I do have a cause!

 

by Lighty
3-08-14
Mwahahahaha Fear me Uk19 fear Me for I am No 1 AND I have a scary IGN. Pah
Wow ranked 1 and so far ahead of all the rest you must be able to click things with a skill rarely seen in the Western world.
Indeed Impressionable Forum User I am the embodiment of skill and if you look up the word awesome in the dictionary you will see a picture of me!
Well my dictionary only has words in (sobs) but am sure you're right. Oh look someone is towing away your car?
What! Outrage! Oh my skills of magic building making does not work in RL. Puff Pant no I am ruined. Bah
Never mind though as being No 1 is still very important I think and spending heaps to get there doesn't detract in any way, shape or form from your achievement. Bows

 

by Lighty
3-09-14
Its been a while
Got something in my eye. Ah well pop anoher shrimp on the barbie and pass me the clay
sigh am just too smexy for this server. I used to be a fan boi and now I have some of my own. Have to pay them mind but at least I have them.
I have the urge to write my name after everything I do!
I dropped it
waaaaaaaaaa! (deep breath) waaaaaaaa! (deep breath) waaaaaaaa!

 

by Lighty
3-11-14
Whoah far out this crazy cat BomberBoy is some sort of hypercritical publisher sent back through space and time to ruin my brekkie reading
I hate that. Saying stuff I think I thought he said. I hate that too
Yeah just like totally ruins your karma all this facepalming.
I hate the fact I read stuff I hate and is better than the stuff I hate others with. I really hate that.
Is just so totally uncool and neo fascist man. Hey lets hug and gets some positive vibes going
Nah. I;ve got some hating to do. Oh man pickles in my burger, I hate that

 

by Lighty
3-15-14
We are the Masters Of The Dark! We are your worst nightmare! We also happen to be called Derek. Join us or become our farm (draws deep breath) Mwwaahhhaaaaa!
Speak to my Duke
I come with news of the end of Light and a note from my Mum saying you should join us all or die (draws deep breath) Mwwwaahhhhaaaa
Um it says here Join us or die and plenty of time to act. File in bin. Next! Oh God another pls can join tribe mail. Cries
My Nukette (sobs) My minions Nukettes (double cries) How?
Switches on Light. BOO!

 

by Lighty
4-06-14
So tell us about your night!
Well Impressionable Forum Reader. There I was being brave and fighting the good fight when I saw some inbound nasties that I couldn't defeat
So I started to destroy the villa so they got nothing from me bar ashes and heartache
Way to go! (claps hands in glee)
Thats the way to do it. Laugh in the face of danger and all that
Oh yes indeedy and next time I will even cat down the right villa. Sighs

 

by Lighty
1-02-15
Greetings UK players and Impressionable Forum Folk! I bring news of great import to the UK server.....
Oh my are you that Bomberboy cat come back through time and space to save us from Hugs from one and all?
Um no but I here to spread the word that just maybe a new tribe might be in town.
One that wants to bat folk on the head with axes? surely that went out of fashion yonks ago. Just a little hug?
Um no. No more hugs not even if you wear a Chrimbo jumper (Blows dust off axe)
Yay no more hugs! So just Post below with the words have axe will travel....

 

by Lighty
1-04-15
News just in of a new double act in town called the Fidel & Acki show
Representing the No 1 ranked tribe is this a new low for the UK server. Over to our roving reporter....
So Acki your main cripe with Cat Norris is that he cares about his tribe? This seems odd so tell all...
well that's it (throws toys out of pram) folks just keep dissing me I'm done with posting. Everyone seems to think I have foot in mouth disease. Ugh toe jam I hate that
Right Fidel over to you. Lets show these haters how to hate
Hehe no probs. CN is an idiot cos I say so and he hugs. Yep and everyone else sucks cos I say so. Um and yes think that covers all I have to say. Baa!

 

by Lighty
1-09-15
So Muhammad why is the pen mightier than the proverbial sword?
Noooo! Please don't draw me . Arrrrgghhh no its hateful
ooops but the Koran doesn't forbid images of you just not to worship idols?
Stop it! Thats not the point. How can fatwas be issued when gentle fun is poked at me otherwise. Right that's it wheres my bomb kit
Oh hello child (sigh) join the cartoon queue over there please. Cries

 

by Lighty
1-23-15
Cooee Marcus the Mad why you so mean?
Cos Impressiomable Forum User I haz Banstick mwahhhhwahhh
but beating up on folk who can't reply is a bit sad surely?
hum maybe this hasn't made me look as epic as I secretly know myself to be
and then belittling others made you look well childish and made mods work harder. Maybe a new career might be wise
But without my banstick I would be just like normal poster folk. How could I belittle folk then? They might be able to answer back...No I shall say nothing more till everyone forgets....

 

by Lighty
3-21-15
Hey that villa is mine I cleared it
Um so you have reports and ODA to prove this
uh no I deleted the reports and damn you can check my ODA?
lol yes is amazing. So our villa.
Will take villa anyway who will care
WE CARE!

 

by Lighty
4-02-15
Oh hello Impressionable Forum Person. I am first to 1k. You all suck sooooooo bad UK. Drops mike and leaves.....
Wow that's amazing and totally justified as you used loads of PP to get to rank1 and 1k points. Wow!
Never! I have never paid for premium and nor did anyone on that acc. So there! Wait whats that you have there.....
Oh is the post from one of your co's saying how much premium they spent as you raced to rank 1 and 1k points
Bah! But the premium which my co used was earned on net farming so is not the same as paying and is net premium so is better than UK. I will stop posting now as this looks bad
and to think it is us that are all idiots.

 

by Lighty
6-07-15
What's this! A mail from Jo asking for support to a villa I AM ATTACKING (rips shirt turns green etc etc) Rage mails at Jo
Sigh. Read it again Hulkypoo it is a support request from the other tribe!
ah oh yes (turns back to normal buys new shirt etc etc) I see this now.
sips coffee.
My bad was pre coffee and bacon sarnie. Sorry
That's ok poppet. Hands freshly laundered shirt over.

 

by Lighty
6-07-15
All hail my mighty scouts that can see everything withut being upgraded
My that's awesome!
yes indeedy Impressionable Forum User! look here is a report showing wait oh my co upgraded them. Oops
gasp! so not quite so awesome as first thought?
ahem no. I'll get my coat. Still as long as Jo doesn't know then is all good!
tut tut!

 

by Lighty
6-08-15
Oh noes yet again my application to join SCO has been rebuffed
and now they have dropped the NAP after some of mine kept attacking (lololol I told them it was all a misunderstanding)
and another request to join them turned down. cries
but I have allies yes BMF family can help us! Now when to declare and what to put on the war dec....
No no its too hard I shall just send a blank war dec and then start to lose villas! Brilliant!
No they are coming for me. I shall hide and wait for my invite, Bound to be coming soon (prays)

 

by Lighty
6-09-15
So today Billo I am doing some Food Porn with a Tiramiwhatsit (hands over receipe)
ok eggs, egg whites. kahlua and you spell it T-I-R-A-M-I-S-U
Yes ty I can spell honest was early cough splutter. So heat a pan of water and whisk the ingredients to make the creamy sauce
You mean the zabaglione?!
I am a chef you know and know how to make this
lol I didn't. I'll get my broomstick!

 

by Lighty
6-28-15
Why so sad Jo? Is it because of morale setting or just that you not been invited to the Great Gank Party? Hands over vol au vents
Both sobs. You think they could include us in their gangbangs but no. I mean everyone else has been invited! Look (waves hand mysteriously and reveals the diplo screen of other tribes)
Oh my head...
Baa! Baa!
Is totally like our idea! Peace man!
Ahem yeah well we got an invite I mean groovy or what

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