All comics by Lord_Lonic

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by Lord_Lonic
2-26-05
Da da da da dum!
Dum dum, dum dum!
*farts*
Da da da da da dum!
Dum dum, dum dum!
And remember kids: Clown porn must stop NOW!!!
Da da da da da dum!
Da da daaaaaaaa dum dum dum dum dum, this was very dum!

 

by Lord_Lonic
2-26-05
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Who are you?
I am Satan! Ruler of the underworld! I will be your new master!
Umm, yeah. I ate bugs for a living!
Oh, really? So do I. I also like to molest young children!
WOW! So do I! Looks like were going to get along just fine.
Hey, dad! I got a new partner!

 

by Lord_Lonic
2-26-05
Hi, I'm David Duff. I am a Vietnam War veteran, but I'm also a looney pedophile who eats worms and enjoys hacking sites!
I go by many names: Angus, Mark Appleby, Discovery Jones, ect.
Too be continued........NOT!
But, alot of people know me as one person. Who is this one person? Why its.........
Coming never, David Duff's real name!

 

by Lord_Lonic
2-26-05
Um, I don't think I should do this. It's just kind of wrong.
No, it's not wrong, it's just something that clowns need to do to get some sweet lov'n.
Well, I still don't know. What if I get...
Trust me on this. Stick with me, and you will get laid faster than two rabbits in a cage.
?
Ok, fine. *sighs* FREE CLOWN SEX, CHILDREN!

 

by Lord_Lonic
2-26-05
Who are you?
I am Goo Punch, I am a retarded fool who used to think he was a vampire named Alucard. I enjoy hacking into accounts, spoofing IPs, and doing the nasty with lost-o-men!
Oh, well, wanna do it right now?
Yes, yes yes, YYYYYES SIR!
Later....
Wow, that was the best I've ever had since Ronald Regan!
Yes, but I'm hoping mariogirl doesn't find out!

 

by Lord_Lonic
2-27-05
Were in the ocean.
Yeah, I know, but I had an idea.
What?
Fuck a nun for $1,000,000,000,000,000 billion dollors.
Yeah, I know. This comic was very stupid.
That was great. And it got us out of the ocean. Now were only at the fucking surface! >:(
That was the best feeling I have ever had in my whole life! Yay!

 

by Lord_Lonic
2-27-05
Remember, ten days, bucko, ten days.
Got it, chief.
Ten days later...
Remember our deal, pally. TIME TO DIE!!!
Wait, hold on. I wanna negotiate!
Ha ha ha, thats what you get for messing with a mofo pimp, biatch!
Why did I do that?

 

by Lord_Lonic
2-27-05
Well, Miss, I suggest we get in on, right here, right in front of the police station.
Okay. Were do you want to do it?
Right here, you silly.
No you dumbass, I mean't either in my vagina, mouth, butt or my penis!
Heres a lesson here, folks: never chose a penguin.
Umm.......why would I do it there?
Screw this. I'm leaving.

 

by Lord_Lonic
3-05-05
Hi, I'm Sapph from TMK, and I'm a slutty old granny who likes to squeeze male genitles 24-7!
I'm Deezer from TMK, and I also like squeezing male genitalia. And if you don't like that, your banned. Sapph, ban them for me. I'm busy playing my favorite game in the world, Cho Eniki.
I'm Meowrik. I say I'm a cat, but I'm really just a disgusting, perverted bunny. Now spell correctly, or I'll rape you in the ass! Ha ha ha........PENIS!
i'm southern yoshi I think it perverted for people to like anime women but I love anime men. Goku get me horny every time he powers up but I get even more horny when I see Ermac from Mortal Kombat.
BTW, on the Viper_x bubble, I mean't to say "a", not "an". Just to let everyone know.
did i also mention that i love the old granny women from MK more than the sexy women from Dead or Alive? Now rape me now, Meowrik, you sexy ass bitch!
Who's Meowrik? I'm Viper_x, and your a smart ass if you think that a admin who says "your mom" on a topic asking about hot topics is funny. It's WRONG! Now, fv(k me anyway, bitch!

 

by Lord_Lonic
3-07-05
Hey, what are you watching?
Pelswick.
What? Pelswick? Thats the gayest, most fagtarded show on television. I'll kill you for watching it. >:(
Yeah right. I'd like to see you try.
Here's a lesson here, folks: If you watch Pelswick, the gayest show on television, I'll come over to your house an kill you!
BOOM! Your dead. Ha ha ha, I warned you about watching Pelswick, the gayest show on television.

 

by Lord_Lonic
3-14-05
I was about to rape a little girl in the desert, then suddenly...
Don't touch her, you sick fv(king pedophile!
Oh sh!te!
The angel cut off my fv(king head.
Die, you filthy human being, die!
And thats how I ended up here.
Hmm, what an interesting story. Now, as the Japanese say, "geet tao fook"!

 

by Lord_Lonic
4-30-05
Hi, I'm mariogirl. Your sexy. What's your name?
My name is David Duff. I'm gay, and I spammed up the Donkey Kong Jungle Vine message boards, hacked into them, made them fierce enemies with R-E, and had sex with Sey, all in one day.
That ain't that great. I spammed up The Musroom Kingdom and The Yoshi Forum Network, andhad myself raped by Meowrik and GenoRation.
Oh yeah? Well I bet my penis is smaller than yours.
Um, to be continued!
No way, mine is way smaller. It's as long a fucking worm, for god sakes!
I love this bitch already! <3

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-07-05
Hello,I'm Saf. You may remember me from DKU as one of the mods. Well, I was banned, so now that fucking twat Lord Lonic is making a comic series based off of me.
Actually, it's a sequal to Giro's MK&C LotBA. Hi, I'm Mad Max. I'm not gay, but I'm as mad and horny enough to scare a little boy away. And I hate Family Guy. It sucks! >:(
Dude, Family Guy rocks.
No, it sucks cock. It's nothing more than a rip-off of the Simpson's. And you know those scenes of Peter and the Jukebox? The FG creators stole it from the SN's creators.
That's not true, you dumb shithead. You have no proof.........
Yes it is. Now, instead of arguing, I suggest we find away to escape this banned hell hole and extract our revenge on Chad and Ben, imediently!!!!!!!!!

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-07-05
Fine. Let's just do that, then.
Yes! Let's kill Ben and Chad! Kill Ben and Chad! Kill Ben and Chad! Kill Ben and Chad! Kill Ben and Chad!
Shut up, dick-ass, they'll here us!
Oh, sorry.
And as we left mariogirl and Lankydavid (notice how I change Lankydavid's look to make him more like the one in Giro's comic).
Well, your a master of hacking. Can you help me hack TMK, TYFN and MarioTendo all at once?......Done deal.
Sure, but only if you give me special powder that will shrink my cock.

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-09-05
Soooooooooooooooooooooo.......Were the fuck are we going, anyway?
Were going to meet up with a bunch of other banned members of DKU/DKVine.
But doesn't that mean we'll see Lankydavid?
...............We'll see. He usually isn't at the land of the banned. He's usually always trying to hack back into DKU, for some reason. I'm just glad Sey stopped coming back.
Why do you care? Your banned too.

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-09-05
Okay. Were here in TMK Central. Go in there, and kill everysingle admin and mod. Oh, and Meowrik too.
Roger.
Deezer: Hey, Sapph, glad your here. I need you pick me up a comdon, so I can have oral...wait, your no Sapph, who the heck are you then?
Your worst nightmare!
AHHHHHHHHHH! YOU MADE ME IMPLODE WITH YOUR EYES, AND NOW I'M DEAD!!!!

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-09-05
Sapph: Hey, you just killed Dezzer. You can't do that, I'm calling the po....
Die! DIE! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!
YIP!
Meowrik: Hey, killing is illegal, asshole.

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-09-05
Then BURN FOR IT!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'M ON FIRE!
Several killings later...
So, are they all dead, Mr. Duff?
Yes, there are all dead. And just call me Lankydavid, please.
Good. Now let's go to TMK, Lankydavid.
Okay. (I love killing people. :) <3)

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-09-05
Well, were here.
Good. I think I got wiplash.
Goo Punch: Greetings, I am Goo Punch, formally known as Alucard, Paul Bearer Fan and Fuck Head. Want to see a clowns penis?
Um, no thank you. I think I'll just pass on that one.
And you are?
Diddy_Kong: I'm Diddy_Kong. And I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hyper. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!....Dixie's a chimp.

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-14-05
MeinKharlie: Hey, it's us, MeinKharlie and Carter. Unfortunetly, were not the stars any more, because that twating pile of shit, Lord Lonic, is in charge of this comic.
Carter: Yeah, that stupid twatting pile of shit! I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!
Donkey Kong 128: Hi, I'm Donkey Kong 128. If you hate Shigeru Myamoto, you are a dumb yuppie!
Flying Testicle: But it's truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue! Now give me some good ass pie, and shut up! :D
..........But it's not over yet...........
Captaintediz: What the heck is "ass pie"? Does it have something to do with a real ass?
SCREW MICROSOFT: Who cares about ass pie? Microsoft is killing Rare and Gamecube sucks without a Banjo game. Let's make a petition to bring Rare back to Nintendo, now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-14-05
Shit Head: Well when i was First born. My mom dropped me a pile of dog Shit. Then she took me in the house and took me in the washroom to clean me up. Then i tripped in the toilet head first and my...
Dingodile11: Um, no thank you, I rather not know of your history. But want to see my DKU piczzzzzzzzzzzzz?
...dad forgot to flush the toilet. Then they called me SHIT HEAD. Hope you like me. OR ELSE I'LL LOVE YOU.
Chad: Didn't I ban you already? Get the fuck out of here.
AdRiAnO: Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill Billnye the Science guy!
Heckmonster: Yeah yeah, what ever.

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-14-05
Okay, you managed to kill every admin and mod (oh, and Meowrik, too) from TMK. TYFN will be a little more difficult. Just watch out for SourPuss. She's an evil cat.
Gotcha.
Who are you?
I'm Lankydavid, and I've come to kill you.
Why do you want to do that?
Because marioguy said he will give me a special cock shrinking powder if I kill everyone who was mean to him.

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-14-05
Don't listen to mariogirl. He is an unholy freak who wants to eat up your soul and genitalia.
But he seems like a nice guy.
Look, you look dirty. I will get my friend and president of this place to give you food and to fix you up a good bath. ~*N*~, this guy needs help!
~*N*~:It's all ready for you, sir. Now go.
Um, okay. (Weirdos)

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-14-05
Later...
WHAT!!?!?!?!?! YOU DIDN'T KILL THEM?!?!?!!?!?
Well, they were weird, but they were too nice. They gave me food, and a bath.
Fine, we'll just skip on TYFN. Let's just head for mariotendo.com, okay?
Fine.
*We interupt this program to bring you all a special news bulliten! All the mods and admins and a little fucking asshole who everyone hates has been killed!
What?

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-14-05
...who,-anal orally and vaginally- and raped little girls and inicent puppies!
As you can see, there is blood everywere in this vicious crime scene, but at least were happy that Meowrik is dead. We hate him the most, because he was a gay, unholy, Satan worshiping fucker..
We now come to one of the little girls. How do you feel about Meowrik dying?
I'm glad! I hated him! He sucked! He was mean and evil! And he raped me and my puppy orally!
Even though Meowrik is dead, and we are happy about it, there is still the fact that the killer killed the "inicent" mods and admins of TMK. Heres what he looks like:

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-14-05
*So, if you see this guy, please tell the police IMMEDIENTLY so he can thank him for killing that fucker Meowrik, and then throw him in the slammer.
SourPuss, quick, get in here!
That guy who we just bathed was a killer who killed the staff of TMK. Oh, and Meowrik too.
OMG, that's horrible! Well, atleast he killed that stupid twat, Meowrik.
Still, we must call the police on him.......................................................................................................................................fine, that's a better idea.
But then we'll look like idiots for not doing anything before. Let's just don't, and say we did.

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-14-05
God, isn't there anyone here who isn't a complete fucknut?
Hey, look at that guy!
Who are you?
Chad's_A_Fucking_Asshole: I'm Chad's_A_Fucking_Asshole. Do you want revenge at getting back at Ben and Chad? I can help.
How?
I can help you escape from the land of the banned and get your revenge on them. Trust me, I helped out MeinKharlie and Carter with there quest, and I can do the same for you two.

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-15-05
So, were are we going CAFA?
Hey, don't call me CAFA. My name is Chad's_A_Fucking_Asshole. Say it right, or pay the price.
Well Chad's_A_Fucking_Asshole is way too long. Sorry, but were calling you CAFA from now on.
No, you will call me Chad's_A_Fucking_Asshole, or else you will suffer the consequenses.
........You know? Your no help what so ever, CAFA. I don't know how the hell MeinKharlie and Carter got by with you tagging along.
That does it. Because you called me CAFA instead of Chad's_A_Fucking_Asshole again, I will be forced to fight you, bitch. C'mon, put 'em up!

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-15-05
Oh god. There getting in a big fight. Great. (I have to go the the potty.)
Are you ready, CAFA? Because I'm going as a Hylian knight, just to let you know.
God damn it, will you stop calling me CAFA? For the last time, it's Chad's_A_Fucking_Asshole, Chad's_A_Fucking_Asshole, CHAD'S_A_FUCKING_ASSHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE!!!! Oh, and I'm going as fighting Gabe.
Oh shit! It's Chad!
Did I just here someone call me a "fucking asshole"?

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-15-05
AHHHHHHHHH!
BOOM SHACKA LACKA! By me hammering this nail into my forehead, you are now dead like fred, bucko! 152.163.253.6 BAND!
Umm, hiya, Chad-o. Hows it been, old chum?
Don't play dumb, I know your guy's plan. You want to kill me and Ben. Well too bad, because I'm going to kill you!
RUN, MAD MAX, RUN! HE'S GOING TO KILL US BOTH!
Yeah, I know. It's kind of the reason why I'm running. *sigh*

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-15-05
Well, I'm glad we escaped Chad, but who the hell are these douche-bags?
I don't know, but they look kind of dangerous.
dk_sucks: I'm dk_sucks.
Donkey Kong Hater: And I'm Donkey Kong Hater! Were here to kill anyone who likes Donkey Kong/Rare, because they suck and are for pussy wuss-twats!
Shit, now were going to have to fight these assclowns?
I guess so. I'm going to go for dk_sucks, 'kay?

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-22-05
Alright, matha fucka, I'm ready to kick your sorry Donkey Kong/Rare hating ass!
I'd like to see you try, cock fuck!
Take this! Evil Midget attack!
Ahhhhhh! A little midget is kicking my ass!
Meanwhile...
Well, let's, you know, do it. *starts masturbating*
C'mere, you sext hot fuck. *puckers up for a kiss*

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-29-05
Ha! Now I've turned you into a pile of ash. Now to get Max.
Mad Max, did you kill him yet?
Mad Max: Oh dk_sucks, now I see why your called "dk_sucks". dk_sucks: *sucks cock* Oh, what delisious "mayonaise" you have!
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THERE?!?!?!
Both: Uh-oh!

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-29-05
I ask you to kill him, and instead, you oral fuck him? What kind of sidekick are you?
First o all, I am not your sidekick, I am your co-star. Second, I can have sex with who ever I want. The bible says it's all right.
And his semen was mouth-watering.
Are you stoned or something? It says in the bible that having homosextual or fornicated sex is wrong, dipshit!
Oh... well, now that you mention it, I am a bit stoned right now.
Me too, but your semen still was yummy.

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-29-05
dk_sucks, will you quit saying that? It's disgusting, you sick mangina!
Too bad! I like the taste of his spouge. Besides, what are you going to so, kill me?
Don't do it, Saf, I love him!
Too bad. Goodbye!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

by Lord_Lonic
5-29-05
Why did you have to kill him? I <3333333333333333 him! :(
Well, too bad. He hated Donkey Kong and Rare, so I killed him for it. Besides, I thought you said at the beginning of the comic that you were not gay.
Oh, but I'm not. That whole thing was just a joke, heh he! *laughs nervously*
Good. Now I suggest we leave now. It's starting to smell here.
Fine. (I miss dk_sucks :( )

 

by Lord_Lonic
6-26-05
Alright. Were over here at MarioTendo. This time, to make sure you don't fuck up like you did with TYFN, I'm coming with.
Fine.
Hey, this place is an empty shell. A total ghost town. That idiot MarioTendo must be over at Runescape again.
What's Runescape?
Never mind that. Let's destory the place, anyway. Leave a little treat for that son of a bitch.
Okay, but I'm not promising anything.

 

by Lord_Lonic
6-30-05
MarioTendo: Hello, everyone, I'm back from Runesca...WHAT THE FV(K HAPPENED, MARIO MASTER?!??!!
Mario Master: Hey, watch your mouth I don't care if you are the main admin, I will censor you if you swear.
I have the right to swear, @$$h0le! Now tell me who the fv(k did this!
Watch it. Anyway, it was marioguy, and this loonky-daved guy.
*Yes, the same onewho made this comic.
WHAT!?!? MARIOGUY CAME HERE AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO STOP HIM!?!!? What the fv(k, MMer?
STOP SWEARING! Anyway, I didn't do anything because that lakety-dave man looked scary. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go ban Lonic* for posting pictures of Dr. Lipschitz.

 

by Lord_Lonic
6-30-05
Die, you asshole, piece of fuck shit twunt!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Hey, buddy, looking for someone by the name of Lankydavid?
Who the fuck are you?
My name is Kev, also known as Sey, Sey the Second, Sey_me, Sey Almighty, Rimmer, Slimmer Rimmer, Slimmer Rimmer needs a Zimmer, Drunken Jedi Groped Me, Jedi Say and Master_Solo. But just call me Sey.

 

by Lord_Lonic
7-01-05
Okay. Who is this Lankydavid, "Sey"?
Lankydavid and I go way back. We are arch rivals when it come to spamming up DKU, when it was DKVine. Both of us kept coming back, even if we were banned. Now, what about this "marioghey" guy?
Marioguy is a spamming freak. He was always constantly trying to get back into TYFN, TMK and even this message board. He also wants to get revenge on me for "betraying" him, when I banned him @ TYFN.
Wait, wasn't TMK recently destroyed too? I say it on the news. The suspect looked like Lankydavid, so it must have been him and that marioshi...
Fucking forget that. Were did they go?
Yeesh, so impatient. Anyway, they went over here. I think.

 

by Lord_Lonic
7-17-05
Last issue I mean't to call it Pt 28. I'm sorry for the confusion. Anyway, meanwhile...
I still wish you hadn't killed of dk_sucks. I loved him. Plus, he sucked my cock for free.
Oh, fucking shut up, you stupid faggoty twat. I don't need to here your gay ass sex story. Now, I think we should be closed too DKU.
Well, somewhat mission accomplised, Lankydavid. You see, you destroyed TMK and MarioTendo, but still didn't get rid of TYFN. We'll try this again, and you better get it right this time, got it?
Yes.
Hey, who are those guys over there. They look sexy.
I don't know, but one of them looks like.....oh, god, no!

 

by Lord_Lonic
7-17-05
Um, well, who the fuck is he?
LANKYDAVID! AKA, Duff Man David, Angus, Discovery Jones, David Duff and Mark Appleby.
Um, who the fuck are you?
Oh my fucking god! Saf?
We don't have bullshit to do with the story. We just here to piss you off.
Yes, and we'rr do it in three otha issue of Saf and Mad Max as werr! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

 

by Lord_Lonic
7-17-05
So have you even tried the new tampon? It's really effective. I litterally sucked the blood out of my cunt.
So, but I should. Then I'm going to go suck the cock of my boyfriend.
So, did he get that circumcision like you wanted?
Fuck yes. And oral sex has never been better. It's like oral fucking god himself.
Really? Did you even really oral fuck god?
No. God doesn't beleave in that kind of sex, you know? Still, I would like too. And by the way, if any of you men out there are masturbating to this comic, you are a sick pedophiliac freak. Were kids!

 

by Lord_Lonic
7-17-05
VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA
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by Lord_Lonic
7-17-05
penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis
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penis penis penis peni, hey, who the fuck are you?
I am the FCC officer, and you are breaking a major rule. Time to die, bitch!

 

by Lord_Lonic
7-17-05
Ha ha ha! Your suffering now, ho!
No! Please don't kill me! I can give you tons of mo...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ah, ha ha ha ha ha! I don't want your mutha fucking muney, I just wanna motha fuck'n kill you!

 

by Lord_Lonic
7-17-05
Finalfuckingly! That annoying scene is done and over! Anyway, Lankydavid, what are you doing here?
I'm helping my friend, marioguy to destroy a bunch of message boards who were mean to him. He's over there talking to your friend over there.
So, you like Family Guy?
Fuck no. Family Guy sucks! It's a terrible and perted show, and the creator, Seth McFarlene is a piece of trash!
Me neither. And did you know that the Family Guy creator stole the scripts from the Simpsons? It's true. Those evil stinky assholes! How dare they steal scripts from a good show.
Yeah. The Simpsons are way better than Family Guy. And the new episodes are better than the old ones.

 

by Lord_Lonic
7-19-05
Hi, I'm Lord Lonic. After more than 30 episodes of Saf & Mad Max's Land of the Banned Quest, were taking a break from the series.
Hey, Lord Lonic, I don't like your tone. That gay-ass fucking queer, Mad Max and I worked hard to make this a great comic series, and now your just putting us on hiatus? What the fuck?
Well, since you have to be such a whiney little prick about it, how about I put it on hiatus for the next 5 years?
Fine, I'll deal with what I got. (asshole)
I heard that!

 

by Lord_Lonic
7-19-05
Bad news, guys. Were on hiatus.
Oh well, who cares? As long as were not cancelled we should be just fine.
Yeah, seriously, who the fuck cares?
I kind of do. I wanted to have sex with Mad Max. :(
And I wanted to see the part when I kill you, marioguy. :(
And I wanted to see my perverted Benny Hill antics. :(

 

by Lord_Lonic
7-19-05
Horace: Hey, Jaspa! Oi need a girl! Oi am so horny, and moi dick is lonely. Oi'm also tired of jacking meself off.
Jasper: Well, how can Oi help you out, Horace? Oi'm gay, Oi hang out with fellow gay men! Why don't you go look for a woman yourself?
'Ello, are you a girl? If so, will you please suck ma cock?
Unamed Japanese Girl: I'm too young. Sorry.
Sey: 'Ey, don't use ma catch phrases, you bloody twat fuck!
Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, princess!

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