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| Hail Jesus! Look at the blood running from this statue's face! | |
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| Tonight, crazy Sacramento residents are putting expensive jewlery on the ground next to a Jesus statue I marked with a pen while I was drunk last night. | |
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| We now go to our correspondant at the Vactican to hear the Catholic churches official response. | |
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| Your Holiness, the people are in a state of unrest. What do you have to say about this scandal? | |
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| Look at the puppet. See the puppet? Wow, isn't it cool? Catholicism is the only true faith. Keep looking at the puppet. Oh look, he's dancing! | |
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