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| The Cubs lost again today, making them the biggest joke in the National League. On the way out of the stadium, they were brutally attacked by the NY Yankees. | |
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| The NY Mets and the rest of the National League stood guard while a rabid, foaming Derek Jeter tore Moises Alou's limbs off. | |
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| The only surviving member, Bench Coach Dick Pole* gave this statement: "This happened because crabby didn't love us enough." | |
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