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| The top story tonight on Liberal Media News is Nikolas Cruz, the teenager who shot dozens of children killing 17 of them. | |
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| Wow! 17! That Nikolas Cruz really set a record, huh? No one will beat that score for a long time! 17! Impressive! | |
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| Let's show more pictures of Nicolas Cruz and say his name over and over again. Here's an interview with his family and a melodramatic backstory about his life. | |
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| To recap: Nikolas Cruz is now the most famous person in America. Nikolas Cruz shot 17 children dead! Nicky Cruz! 17! Let's see his face some more! | |
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| Breaking news! A Nikolas Cruz copycat has just killed 36 students! We'll plaster his face and name on your TV just as soon as we have it! | |
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| Please enjoy this montage of Nicky 17 synchronized to music while we wait... | |
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