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| I paid some guy $50 to get Trump's cell phone number. I called him. I thought he could help. | |
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| Before I could speak he asked me if I could bring him pudding. Then Steve Bannon got on and started singing songs from RENT. | |
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| I'm....sorry dude. Do you need the hammer and nail? It works for me. | |
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| Then some Russian guy got on the phone and asked me if I could walk on him in thigh highs soaked in Canola oil... | |
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