All comics by RogueLeader

Profile

 

by RogueLeader
5-09-03
The scene: a typical ney Jersey restaurant.
Good day, sir.
Show me to my table at once.
Looks like troubles a brewin.
No.
No? Ill show you no...
The End.
What the bloody hell...
You've just lost yourself a customer pal.

 

by RogueLeader
5-09-03
The prodigal son has returned.
Good day, sir.
Are you going to show me to my table today?
More troubles a brewin...
Probably not.
This is an outrage! I demand to speak to the manager!
The manager is a snowman it seems.
WHAT?! WHAT IS IT?! IM A BUSY MAN YOU KNOW!
Calm down man, don't melt.

 

by RogueLeader
5-09-03
This boy never learns.
Good day, sir.
Show me to my table, or else.
Ey up.
Nah.
Right, this is the last straw. Don't say I didn't warn you...
The End.

 

by RogueLeader
5-10-03
Sammy is on his way home from a night on the town with the lads.
That was good, except for the part when I lost my watch.
A random punter approaches him...
Got the time guv'nah?
No, no I dont. I lost my watch.
Sammy seems to be in a foul mood.
How unfortunate on your part.
Bog off.

 

by RogueLeader
5-12-03
Sammy is on thin ice after that "bog off" remark.
That kind of attitude wont bring your watch back son.
Sure about that, ya big waster?
This kid just dont know when to shut up.
Quite sure, and my anger is building with each disrespectful remark you make.
Nurtz to this, I'm off.
A sign of things to come...
I have decided that my next course of action is to give that guy a good roughing up.

 

by RogueLeader
5-12-03
Seems someone killed everyone in the world. Only 2 people remain...
Hello, I did this to the world to teach you a very important lesson.
I distinctly remember telling this guy to bog off.
The plural of fez is fezi.
And here it is: Don't take your anger out on unassuming members of the public who only ask of you a small favour.
Im off.
The End?
Little does he know that i had his watch this whole time. I sure showed him.

 

by RogueLeader
5-12-03
A duel to end all duels.
Hand over the watch you jerk.
Yes, of course, your precious watch. It shall be returned to you after you defeat me in a battle to the death.
Sammy sets the guy aflame, and the battle is over before it really got started.
Sammy is victorious, and also gets his watch back. The End.
This isn't my watch, its just a pineapple. Ah well, easy come easy go.

 

by RogueLeader
5-13-03
Mike is having trouble using Word.
How do I make newspaper columns?
How about buyin a freakin newspaper.
Thats not very helpful Clippit, just do your job.
I get paid the minimum wage to answer these idiotic questions. Quite frankly I'm sick of this thankless job.
Then get a job holding someone's paper together.
HOW ABOUT NO!

 

by RogueLeader
5-22-03
Sammy's Mission: to infiltrate an unidentified army base and find out just what exactly is going on.
Colonel, Im in.
[Codec] Excellent Sammy. Age hasn't slowed you down one bit.
Bog off Colonel, youre not so young yourself.
!?
Dammit Ive been spotted. I blame Colonel.
I need backup! Ive found Sammy!

 

by RogueLeader
5-23-03
Sammy has been spotted by a patrolling guard.
I knew i should have brought a gun.
You lose, Sammy. The backup should be here any minute.
Meanwhile...
I said Im sorry, OK?
How could you be so stupid? "Oh we dont need a map, I know this place like the back of my hand". Idiot.
Sammy quickly activates his stealth suit and sneaks past the bemused guard.
What the...

 

by RogueLeader
5-27-03
Sammy meets a boss type character.
Greetings Sammy. Ive been waiting for you my friend.
Whys that then towel-head?
Its called a turban you ill-mannered layabout. Now it is time for you to die good sir.
Oh no Im so scared. What are you gonna do, throw rice at me?
Is this the end of the line for Sammy?
Ha ha ha! Looks like another victory for Sanjay McFreeze.

 

by RogueLeader
6-04-03
Sammy sets off the C4 explosive he had planted on Sanjay. The blast thawed out Sammy.
I certainly showed him.
Sanjay is left to die on the floor.
The stories are true about you Sammy. Now it is time for me to tell you a long and somewhat tedious story of how I became evil.
Nurtz to this, Im off.
It all started when I was a child. My parents beat me up and then sold me to a herd of elephants for the price of 8 tusks...
BN BN doo doo doo doo doo. BN BN doo doo doo doo...

 

by RogueLeader
6-15-03
Sammy comes up against a robot of sorts.
[Codec] Sammy your weapons are useless against this robot, it has been specially designed to kill you.
Crush...Kill...Destory...Purchase bacon...
Thanks Colonel, great advice, you son-of-a....hey what the...
Who does the voice belong to?
YOU!!!
Yes it is me Sammy, I took care of that pesky cyborg for you. For it is my destiny to kill you!

 

by RogueLeader
6-15-03
What the hell are you doing here?
Sammy, you were sent here by your government to see what I was doing here. The answer is that we are building a new weapon, the likes of which the world has never seen.
Metal Gear!
Quite right Sammy. Yet it lacked one feature, time display. The only item compatible with Metal Gear is...your watch!
My watch!? Hey, where is it?
I have it right here Sammy. Your government sent you here hoping you would die, and your watch destroyed with you. But I was given your watch at the start of the mission...by Colonel!

 

by RogueLeader
6-16-03
Sammy has been thrown in "the cell".
I can't believe the government sold me down the river. Freakin Demicrats.
Sammy its me, Colonel.
Bog off traitor.
Listen Sammy, I don't have much time. I'm still on your side, you've got to trust me. I'll get you out of here, and then you can find him. And with that I'm off.
Nurtz to him, I'll just use this key I found in the fish bowl.

 

by RogueLeader
6-17-03
Sammy has escaped and meets up with Colonel.
What are you doing Colonel, are you with me or not?
Sammy, its complicated. What I can tell you is that you are a carrier of a deadly virus, and the government wanted you to spread it here. Its name is...Fezdie.
The government are jerks aren't they.
Sure are. Listen carefully Sammy, what I am about to tell you is very important. The man you saw, the leader, he is....eurh...no not now...ARGHHHH!
Colonel collapses to the ground, another victim of Fezdie.
First he steals my watch, then he dies on me. How incredibly selfish.

 

by RogueLeader
6-19-03
Sammy meets his arch-nemesis inside Metal Gear.
Sammy, the detonator on your watch has been set for 5 minutes. Now let us fight to the death, for it is our destiny!
Nurtz is what i would say to destiny, given the chance.
00:03, 00:02, 00:01, 00:00...

 

by RogueLeader
6-23-03
The two warriors emerge from the rubble formely known as Metal Gear.
Die Sammy! Urgh...no it cant be!...ulg...why, why me?....ARRRGH!
My decision not to bring a gun seems more and more stupid as the day goes on...hey whats happening?
FEZ...
..DIE!
Sammy inflicts Fezdie on another unassuming victim, who lies prone on the snow-covered ground. The End.
Hey heres my watch. Nurtz, the screen is cracked. Ah well, I never really liked it that much anyway.

 

by RogueLeader
9-09-03
Hello, you dont know me, but can I come in?
I see no harm in that, what would be the purpose of your visit?
I want to steal your valuables and drink all your milk.
Then I shall reward your brutal honesty by allowing you to come in. After you good sir.
Ha, jokes on him, i have no milk.

 

by RogueLeader
10-08-03
Welcome to Burgerz N' Bapz, can I take your order?
Chips, beans and mustchup.
Chips, beans and....mustchup? What the hells that?
Its a sauce I invented, combining the tanginess of tomato ketchup with the enchanting flavour of mustard.
We don't have any of that, would you like some mustard and some ketchup?
NO, I WANT MUSTCHUP, SO IF YOU DONT HAVE ANY THEN I WILL LEAVE. Oh and dont steal my idea.

 

by RogueLeader
11-24-03
Hello and something else, have ye got any twenties?
What a small and obnoxious man. Hey you over there, what the hell are twenties?
Oh a question to be answered, twenty pence pieces are what I want.
I don't have any "twenties" you strange little man, now be off with you before I smack you round head with that shovel over there (not pictured).
Ah no with the selfishness, ah no with the insulting comments, ah no with the threatening behaviour, ah no with the...
I don't have a nose, but I can still smell the stink off this guy. Eh? Eh? Eh? Begubbins.

 

by RogueLeader
12-28-03
Christmas Special
Ho ho ho, fat wishes from me, Santa Claus! I love coke, not the drug, the carbonated soft drink, ho ho ho!
Rubbish. Anyway, for Christmas I want reindeer poison, chimney traps and exploding biscuits.
Ho ho...ho...this is all very suspicious, what do you have planned with all these strange items?
Im going to poison your reindeer, set traps in the chimney and explode you with biscuits.
Ho ho ho, lucky for me I don't exist. Mmmmeeeerrryyy Christmas!
Pillock.

 

by RogueLeader
1-26-04
My keys are in my car over there is the problem, you helping me is the solution i hope or not but hopefully yes hmmmmm?
I tend to hate rich people, and this is no exception. What's in it for me?
Smash the window is the method, keys for me and money for you will be the conclusion, hmmm?
Sounds good to me, I didn't even think about asking you to set an exact amount of money. Here I go.
That wasn't really my car is the obvious reason for our enjailment, hopefully a real word but probably not hmmmm?
I don't think I'll be able to put up with this guy for TWENTY FIVE minutes, what a harsh sentence.

 

by RogueLeader
1-29-04
Rarr! I'm a big scary ghost, rarr and then oooohhhh!
You're not that big.
Well I am scary, so I'd be very scared if I were you! oooohhh!
I'm not scared in the slightest. You see, ghosts can't touch anything, so there is nothing you could possibly do to hurt me. So go ahead, give it your best shot.
Damn ghost, I'll crush him like this oxygen pipe...ughh...bloody hell...ughh....

 

by RogueLeader
2-04-04
Breaking News...
I'm here at the White House with none other than the King of America himself. Hello your highness.
Snuff snuff.
So what exactly is your reason for being here?
I came to visit the President, and fire him, and elect a new President.
Ahhhhhhhhh. As you can see, I'm quite shocked. So who is to be the new President?
Me. I have a gun and a weird hat but my name's not important. So go home.

 

by RogueLeader
2-06-04
......under charges of both indecent exposure and impersonating a police officer. Now with today's sport it's over to Deryk.
Thanks Kathy. Today's sport is......Tennis. Back to you Kathy.
It's been 2 weeks, why does he keep doing that?

 

by RogueLeader
3-07-04
Once again a typical Ney Jersey restaurant, that wasnt a typo first time round...
Good day, sir.
I hope my last skit taught you a lesson, now show me to my table or prepare to be slugged good and proper!
"Back in black" i hear you cry. Shut up.
Hmm...no...
You numbskull. What is all this? Why wont you just belt up and show me to my table?
That was unexpected. The End? Yes, unless I make a film. Which I wont.
I dont work here.
Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii get out.

 

by RogueLeader
3-08-04
Hey Funtz! "Wassssaaaaaap?" He he! "Ave it, back of the net!"
What a gimboid you really are Milton, pipe down.
Aw cheer up big guy! "Turn that frown upside down!"
I'll turn your face upside down, using my trusty lead piping.
Did you notice that you mentioned pipes in both your last two comments?
It's no coincedence. I work for a pipe.

 

by RogueLeader
3-15-04
Remind me Funtz, why are we going to the shops at this hour?
To buy a rope-ladder I need for work, and it's only 7.00pm you nerdish plonk.
A rope-ladder? What do you need that for, I distinctly remember you saying that you worked for a pipe.
I need it to climb up, and also down, but not sideways. And yes I do work for a pipe, what of it?
But what does that mean? How do you work for a pipe? It makes no sense! Ahhh! Ahhh!
Not only do I work for a pipe, but I also have to watch meals.

 

by RogueLeader
3-23-04
Funtz I'm going away for the weekend, so here is my replacement...say hello to St.Bernard.
What are you talking about? Why do you need a replacement?
Halloooo! Im St.Bernard and...uh oh, I've got a turtle head situation here, where's your bathroom?
It's the door just to the right as you leave this room, try not to stink it up too much.
Oh dear...it's too late for that now. Instead could you fetch me a large spoon and a bag of some sort?
Freakin hell, even that dork Milton would be better than this piece of crap...a very suitable tag for him don't you think?

 

by RogueLeader
3-24-04
Time for bed, would you hold my cat Snippers during the night? He's afraid of the floor.
Right thats it, get out of my house now or prepare to be slugged. In the face.
Heyyyyy...
What what WHAT?
St.Bernard is outta here. Come on Snippers, a new adventure awaits...
.....

 

by RogueLeader
3-29-04
I'm back, oh how refreshed I feel after that weekend away. So how was St.Bernard? Isn't Snippers just adorable?
Snippers was lucky I didn't kick him with my steel-capped socks, and as for St.Bernard......
Yes? What about St.Bernard? You just stopped talking there for a a minute.
I was mentally slugging you one. Felt good. Anyway, St.Bernard is going into my book. "The List of Jerks and Cretins."
What book? I've never seen it before, where is it?
It's that scrap of paper with "Milton" written on it.

 

by RogueLeader
3-31-04
Ok I've decided what I want, whats it to be Funtz?
A hamburger, radius of 7cm, 56 chips, 562ml of coke, and some mustchup.
Have ye got any twenties spare from your meal-buying?
Did I hear someone say mustchup? Someone show me to the mustchup!
No.
I am the Knight of the Bricks, panic not young sir, for I shall slice your head from off its neck.

 

by RogueLeader
4-01-04
Najaro Forest in the land of Dolomere.
I, am the Knight of the Bricks, do not tremble in my presence, sir, for I am humble.
Ooooh thats good news, I'm looking for the path that leads to...
SILENCE PEASANT!!! Down on your knees at once and beg for forgiveness!
I'm very very very sorry indeed, good Knight.
Goodnight to you too, now be off! I must make my way to the castle, to see the King!
The King of Dolomere? He's got no charisma, but don't tell him I said so. He'll kill me or something.

 

by RogueLeader
4-08-04
Dolomere Castle.
I have arrived your highness...why are we outside the Whitehouse?
No no no, that's just the a painting on my wall, its unfortunate that it doesn't look as if we're in my throne room, but we definitely are.
So why have you called for me, King of Dolomere?
ALL CHANGE!
What the hell just happened?
Bark bark, woof woof, shut your mouth, stop being a loof.

 

by RogueLeader
4-08-04
Dolomere Field.
It's times like this, with the boring and pointless strolls in the field, that I wish you were dead.
That will never happen, I am immortal. IMMORTAL I SAY!!! HO HO HA!
Now the joke's on him, mostly because he's DEAD.
IMMMMMMMORTAL!!!

 

by RogueLeader
4-11-04
The Fortress of Bricks.
The King said I had to sneak into the Fortress and steal the Golden Brick. Hey who am I talking to?
Are you talking to me? Please say you are, I'm ever so lonely.
No, no I wasn't actually.
It's because I'm in a weelchair isn't it? ISN'T IT!?
You misspelled wheelchair.
So I did, and to make matters worse I can't walk.

 

by RogueLeader
4-22-04
Inside the Fortress of Bricks.
Did you enjoy your homecoming meal, Knight of the Bricks?
Mmmm, it was delicious! It really was, I thoroughly enjoyed it, the best meal I've had in ages. Say, what meat was that?
Skunk rump.
SKUNK RUMP!?!?!?
Thats right...aren't you going to start throwing up?
No, that would be silly, after all I did like it.

 

by RogueLeader
4-28-04
Still inside the Fortress of Bricks.
You must bring this message to the King of Dolomere, that I have found the Golden Brick.
Sure thing man, could you just do one thing for me first?
What?
Would you open the cage door, otherwise I can't get out to deliver the message.
Definitely not.

 

by RogueLeader
5-19-04
The plane is going to crash!! Knight of the Bricks, please help us!
Ok, but only because this in-flight movie is so bad. It just jumped to a completely ludicrous scene that doesn't fit in with the story at all, rubbish.
The pilot is dead! The pilot is dead! The pilot is dead!
But I did not shoot the co-pilot! Ha, I crack myself up, but now to save lives.
Thank you for saving us all and landing the plane with such precision. You're my hero, can I have your autograph?
Sure thing. The Knight of the Bricks. There you go, good luck kid.

 

by RogueLeader
5-23-04
The Big Finale.
Now, King of Dolomere, let us battle to the death.
Why?
I'm not sure, but it makes more sense than that whole plane bit.
That's true, the people deserve an ending that they can understand.
We built this city on rock and boul.....ders.
Is that your final answer?

 

by RogueLeader
6-06-04
Sup dawg, gonna check out those bad-boy Olympics in the summer?
I hate people who talk like you, so it should come as no surprise that I hate you.
Shizzle yo mizzle. Anyway, my favo event is the discus. I wanted to be a discuser, but they said I was too tall and fat.
The discus? Glorified frisbee tossing is all that is. What about the 100m sprint?
I hate the 100m sprint, and all those running-based events.
Racist.

 

by RogueLeader
6-07-04
...and could you bring the change to the orphanage. I want you to throw it at them. Then bring it back to me.
Excuse me, young man?
WHAT DO YOU WANT OLD PERSON?!
Is this Blebfarney and Son Haberdashers?
Why I hate old people. (1) They smell. (2) They're old. (3) They're slow. (4) They are rubbish at everything.
But we can hover in mid-air for a brief period of time. Huzzah.

 

by RogueLeader
8-29-04
Hey, you with the notepad, what do you think you're doing?
I'm writing you out of the series, everyone has grown tired of your wacky adventures and crude comebacks.
Ah nurtz. Well I hope my replacement is up to the job.
Pumpkin this, pumpkin that, my lifelong dream is to have a pumpkin hat.
I'm a pumpkin.

 

by RogueLeader
9-02-04
I wonder what kind of pumpkin adventures I'll have today.
Hey pumpkin face, gimme your wallet.
Want to move in with me?
Yes.
Make me some tea.
Make it yourself.

 

by RogueLeader
9-15-04
Hey, shut up.
No you shut up.

 

by RogueLeader
9-20-04
Hey man, yeah? Alright...hey you wanna check out the ice rink?
I'm not going anywhere with you, idiot.
That was a very crude comeback, what gives?
IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!!! HA HA HA!!!
Really?
Nah.

Showing page 1.