Fred 'n Ed's New Career Is Going Well. So Far.

Author: Savage

Date: June 8, 2004

by Savage
6-08-04
I answered another letter today. Listen: Dear Fred 'n Ed, I'm forty years old, and I drink a bottle of scotch every day. Mom says if I don't stop, I'm grounded. What should I do? Signed, Junior.
What did we tell Junior?
Dear Weirdo, You obviously have more problems than just not drinking enough. Add a daily bottle of gin to your diet.
Sage advice, brother of mine.
And for godsake, tell mom you want your own room. You freak.
You always know just what to say.