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| This just in! Congress has just passed a new holiday-season law. The president released this statement: "It has come to my attention that | |
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| during this joyous season of Christmas, Channuka, Kwanzaa, solstice, and Boxing Day, there are still some religions or | |
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| groups who do not have a holiday or festival that falls in this season. That is not what America is all about. From this day forward, all ethnicities, | |
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| groups, and religions are required to have their own obscure holiday at this same time of the year. Let's not let any Americans | |
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| feel excluded!" He then ignited the traditional solstice Kwanzaa menorah tree while wearing boxing gloves. | |
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