All comics by TheMuffinMan

 

Get it? by TheMuffinMan 4-30-03
Man, I sure could go for some nuts! Not that I'm gay or anything!	Get it....nuts? I get it.	Fuck you.

 

Yea, you probably should have. by TheMuffinMan 4-30-03
Hey Jesus, if you're so great, how come you're dead?! Forgive him Father, he knows not what he says.	The hell I don't! You're all talk! ...............	I probably should have seen this coming.

 

It's Funny 'Cause It's True. by TheMuffinMan 4-30-03
Just outside Earth's, uh, area... Look, Xoklabador, a planet let's see if it has intelligent life. Yes, Dobavaxortular, I'm curious myself.	Wanna conform? Hell yes! Independent thought is for wierdos! Let's go watch American Idol and pray to President Bush and his freedom giving war on Terror!	So...Apocalypes Ray it is then? I thought you'd never ask.

 

Fill Your Own Cup. by TheMuffinMan 4-30-03
Hey man, great party! No problem, hey, take this drink, I promise it's not spiked with anything!	Woa, what the fuck? Ha! I lied, there was acid in the drink!	Whatever you say, Cthulhu!

 

It's Pretty Obvious. by TheMuffinMan 4-30-03
		Well why the fuck isn't anyone buying what we're selling? Why the fuck do you think?!

 

Fuck the Po-lice! by TheMuffinMan 5-01-03
Do you have any idea how fast you were driving sir? I wouldn't write that ticket if I were you, I have powers.	Of course you do sir. Can you touch your nose for me? You asked for it.	Does anyone else smell bacon?

 

That's the crowd laughing. by TheMuffinMan 5-01-03
Hey, welcome to the Apollo! Ever notice how white people are different from black people?! HAHAHAHAHAHA!	Man, once I saw a white guy at an ATM and I was all like "man, that's whack!" and then a cop tried to chase me! Because I'm black! HAHAHAHAHAHA! He tells it like it is!	Ever notice how some black comedians are more racist than your average Texan? I'm BLACK! HAHAHAHA*snort*HAHAHAHAHA!

 

I am going to Hell. by TheMuffinMan 5-01-03
...Don't worry, Christ will return to Earth soon, until then why not put some money in the collection plate to purge your sin-riddled soul? OK, if you say so.	Don't be shy, throw in a $20...It's just until Christ returns...then it's salvation and all that jazz... I guess the car payment will have to wait again.	Can I go now? Shut the fuck up.

 

Super Heros Can't Always Win. by TheMuffinMan 5-03-03
Get rid of the Doomsday Device Dr. Insano! Woops, I hit the Doomsday Button!		Son of a bitch.

 

The Grim Reaper, Part One by TheMuffinMan 5-03-03
Holy fucking shit! It's the Grim Reaper! You're a bright one.	Are you here to kill me? No, I'm here to give you flowers and read you bedtimes stories. Yes, of course I'm here to kill you!	*sigh* Let's get this over with, I got a golf game with Beelzebub in twenty minutes.

 

The Grim Reaper, Part Two by TheMuffinMan 5-03-03
But I don't want to die! I'm too young! That's not true, I've killed much younger.	Can't I do something to persuade you not to kill me? I kill many many people every day. All of them beg me not to kill them. What makes you any different?	Nothing? Bingo.

 

The Grim Reaper, Conclusion by TheMuffinMan 5-03-03
Let's just get this over with.	No!	The most rewarding part is when I killed him.

 

FOX is the Devil. by TheMuffinMan 5-04-03
Next, on FOX! A new reality TV show where the veiwers decide who lives and who dies!	Cast your vote as each contestent tries in eventual futility to try and save thier meaningless lives! Last man standing get $500,000!	Now, back to Mr. Personality!

 

Read my other stuff. It's better, I promise. by TheMuffinMan 5-12-03
Hi, kids! I'm here to tell you the truth about cigarettes! The TV said smoking gives you cancer!	Well, that's a damn dirty lie! Smoking cures cancer! And makes you more appealing to the opposite sex! And makes your beath smell like posies! But my mom says smoking killed daddy!	And the moral of the story is: I'm running out of ideas. Your mom's a damn liberal cunt! Your daddy left you because you were an accident! Smoking is the cool thing to do and if anyone says otherwise tell your teacher he's a terrorist! Thanks, Mr. Stinky Butt, for opening my eyes to the truth! Not only about the broken home I sprung from, but cigarettes too!

 

Do it! by TheMuffinMan 6-06-03
Robot! Ready the Doomsday device! Uh...I don't thin we have a Doomsday device...	Sure we do! It's the thing with the clock and the gurgling! That's the coffee maker.	Ready the coffee maker!

 

Time Travel is a redundant, redundant, redundant, thing. by TheMuffinMan 6-28-03
Robot! I'm about to test my time machine! I'll set it for about 10 seconds ago as a test! Here we go! Whatever you say...	Robot! I'm about to test my time machine! I'll set it for about 10 seconds ago as a test! Here we go! Whatever you say...	Robot! I'm about to test my time machine! I'll set it for about 10 seconds ago as a test! Here we go! Whatever you say...

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