All comics by TheMyst

 

by TheMyst
7-24-06
Scene Of The Murder Of Tycho...
Dude, why'd you kill him?
Don't act all innocent. It's your fault! Both of you! Everything would've been fiiiine but no! All my comics get compared to yours.
Yeah? So? If you were good enough you could get positive reception. It's not our fault you suck.
Why do I have to quit sucking!? I say you should quit being good!
That... that's retarded. You killed my best friend for this? That's fucked up.
Do I look sane to you? THE MYST WILL RISE AGAIN! DEATH TO PENNY ARCADE! HEIL HITLER! HAIL SATAN! EVISCERATE THE PROLETARIAT!

 

by TheMyst
7-24-06
You hear about that new Deathclock show?
Yeah. Isn't that a Brendon Small project?
Uh... DEATHCLOCK, DEATHCLOCK, DEATHCLOCK, DEATHCLOCK, DEATHCLOCK!
So basically you have no idea who does what in it?
No. I just like the music.
You realize the music on that show is a parody of the ridiculous music people like you listen to and the entire death metal genre right? Wait, no, probably not. Nevermind.

 

by TheMyst
7-24-06
So my girlfriend is a wiccan.
Do they take a couple tokes off the peace pipe? Know what I mean?
No. They just smoke weed.
Cool. I get my fix from caffeine.
I thought that was water. I mean, we're next to a water cooler.
This is water cooler talk. That doesn't mean we need to actually drink water.

 

by TheMyst
7-24-06
So you're a Wiccan huh? That's kinda fucked up.
No it's not, asshole.
Tell ya' what. You give me some of that reefer and we'll call it even.
I don't have any pot.
Look, don't fuck with me, I've got a gun, bitch.
At least we're in a graveyard then.

 

by TheMyst
7-24-06
Hey, aren't you Dave Mustaine? You kick ass man!
No uh... I'm Kip Winger.
... Oh. I thought you were dead.
No, I'm very alive.
Well, then I guess I'll have to finish the job.

 

by TheMyst
7-24-06
So, I'm going on an adventure. Wanna go with me?
Well, it's not like I have any career. Damn Lars Ulrich.
What did Lars Ulrich do to you? I mean, besides being an annoying little troll.
In the "Nothing Else Matters" video, he throws a dart at me. It killed my career.
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. You'll fit in perfectly with my group!

 

by TheMyst
7-24-06
This is Kip Winger everybody. He's joining the team.
TOMMY PAGE!
Tommy, seriously, this Bill Shatner thing... it's gotta stop.
TOMMY PAGE!
Can I come in yet?
I TOLD YOU TO STAY IN THE CAR! IT'S PART OF YOUR TRAINING!

 

by TheMyst
7-24-06
This is Jeff Charisma AKA Razor. He got that nickname because he can cut you like a knife with his razor-edged chops.
That's not true.
This is Tommy Page. He thinks he's William Shatner.
Today I'm one of the red shirts!
And finally there's me. Crazy obsessed Metallica fan with a vengeance. Stephen Colbert worshipper. Green Lantern reader. The Myst!
So what's the mission?

 

by TheMyst
7-24-06
Oh um... the mission. Yeah um... we'll... we'll think of that later.
You don't even know?
Well, I mean... it's complicated.
So what kind of party is this?
I don't know. I guess we're just a group of friends. Well, except Tommy Page and Jeff Charisma hate eachother.
Why?

 

by TheMyst
7-24-06
Eyebrows.
What do you mean?
I'll kill you with this phaser if you use those eyebrows again! TOMMY PAGE!
JEFF CHARISMA! �_õ
My friends are retards.

 

by TheMyst
1-18-07
Months later...
...And so it burnt. It burnt to the ground. Our headquarters burnt.
Wow. What happened to your teammates?
All dead. With no headquarters, no team, and no money, I came here. And that's how I got this job.
... What if I told you your teammates are not dead but must make you think that they are dead?
... For what cause? How do you even know? Where are they? Who are you? GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
I'm not at liberty to say.

 

by TheMyst
1-18-07
So what can you tell me?
Can't you see? None of this is real. Open your eyes and the eyes of your imagination!
So... this is some kind of Matrix thing?
Correct. None of your friends ever died. They were strategically hidden from you, placed in their own fantasy worlds.
... 'K, so now that I'm out of the Matrix, I'm gonna go find my friends and free them from their worlds.
I CAN'T ALLOW THAT!

 

by TheMyst
1-20-07
Well, if you're going to shoot me, you'll have to dodge my bullet as well.
So which one of us is going to shoot first?
What do you mean?
I think it should be you so the fanboys don't get upset.
Fanboys? Nobody reads this.
You're right. I'll shoot first.

 

by TheMyst
1-23-07
Hold on, I don't want to die!
Well one of us is leaving here in a body bag and I've had enough of alien autopsies!
Well then I'll shoot first. I'm sure there's one fanboy that cares.
... Why don't we shoot at the same time? On 3! 1... 2... 3!
... I knew you'd pussy out.
You did too, pussy!

 

by TheMyst
1-23-07
Ok, we... we really gotta do this.
Good, so then one, two, three.
Right.
One...
TWO!

 

by TheMyst
1-25-07
Hey, I'm not dead! Where am I?
You're in Vietnam, bitch!
Great, I'm back in the Matrix. But my friends are probably in different places and time periods. How can I find them?
There's a time machine right over there.
Oh. Hey thanks. Wait, why is there a time machine in Vietnam?
Look dude, you don't question deus ex machinas. You just exploit them.

 

by TheMyst
1-29-07
You know, I don't actually like my friends much. Maybe I'll save Kip Winger first.
But where would Kip be? Wait, of course! The 1980's!
A stage in the 1980's! This must be where Kip is performing tonight! Wow, the turnout was great for this show too. Twenty people!

 

by TheMyst
4-11-07
Kip, listen to me! You're caught inside some kind of Matrix rip-off!
I'm only seventeen, but I'll show you love like you've never seen and-- who the hell are you?
I'm your friend, Myst Dandy. I've come to rescue you. Granted, you aren't much use to the world after 1989. But you still have to return to reality.
Go away! This is where I belong! The 1980's!
I'll buy you a hooker if you help me escape from the Matrix. And not a whore, a classy one. Like Pretty Woman.
Sold.

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