All comics by Turnace

Profile

 

by Turnace
1-15-03
Its just another day downtown...
Hey Phil
Hey Jesus
Later Christ!
wanna help me down, Phil?
Asshole

 

by Turnace
1-15-03
The morale? Dogs on balls go hella fast

 

by Turnace
1-15-03
Look kids, its doctor science!
HEY KIDS!
Hi doctor science!
Today, children, I'm in prison! Let me tell you why...
"It all started at the Whitehouse...
Stop MY funding will he!?!

 

by Turnace
1-15-03
...I had rigged the donkey to blow"
Just run into the bedroom little feller...
"I retreated to the lab until the donkey went off"
The perfect crime...
"It was just a matter of time..."

 

by Turnace
1-15-03
"everything was going according to plan... but the dinosaur with the top hat poked his nose in"
I say old chap, fancy some crumpets at the club house?
He knows too much!
"I only had one option, kids!"
whats that in your hand, old fellow? Good heavens! get back man!
"But remember, dinosaurs with hats scream real real loud... so loud the neighbours hear..."
Curses

 

by Turnace
1-16-03
"but what of the donkey I hear you ask"
"He fell in love with a CIA attack dog"
A pink donkey.... how odd
Wow...
"They were last seen in a forest in Nebraska"
Officer McBark, will you marry me?
.... A PINK........donkey?

 

by Turnace
1-16-03
Hello folks, its me, Bob
as you might know, I have been in prison for a long timef
I didn't mean to hurt that woman, she fell onto my knife!
but still, I humbly appologise.... to whats left anyway...

 

by Turnace
1-16-03
Hi Dr Science! how did the parole hearing go?
Hello children! Lets just say, the judge saw things my way!
its nice to be back...now, down to business
Hey, kids, do any of you know the number for the White House?

 

by Turnace
1-16-03
..and you tell that asshole I want $10,000,000!!
you're a mad man, science!
but a mad man with a big rocket aimed directly at the Whitehouse!
Doctor, this madness must stop!
Dont try and stop me, frosty! I must keep my show on the air!

 

by Turnace
1-16-03
If I headbutt hard enough... will he clear the gate?
Where the hell are my pants?
lets find out
ah-ha!
oh god.... the....pain....

 

by Turnace
1-16-03
Mr. Frosty bravely tries to stop Doctor Science's evil scheme...
Dont be a fool frosty!
I'll do what I must to stop your madness!
Meanwhile...
Its much quicker than the oven!
IT BURNS!!!
...back in the lab...
Frosty must be eliminated....

 

by Turnace
1-17-03
...back in the Whitehouse, Sir Rompasaurus consults the president...
Why is there a Dinosaur in my office?
President Byren, Science tried to kill me, old chap, he will launch the missle....
"...I just hope its not too late..."
But the president has other plans...
Stupid talking dinosaur, I'll send security to stop Doctor Science! SECURITY!
you rang?

 

by Turnace
1-17-03
where is the old fool...
Doctor Science fled to a forest for the launch! hurry super Dean!
Look, Kids, it's Doctor Science!
Hey kids! As you may have noticed, the time is at hand! 3...2...1...
Stop right there, Doctor Science!
Super Dean... you're too late! LIFT OFF!

 

by Turnace
1-17-03
Hey Red Fish
Sir, it seems half of the whitehouse has been blown up by a farily old comedy bomb
oh no! I just hope that fool didnt blow up my Justice League collection!

 

by Turnace
1-17-03
Poor Doctor Science...
Why did he have to die!?!.....what the....?
I can explain that!

 

by Turnace
1-18-03
Gary decides to make a joke out of a dangerous situation...
Fire in the disco!
Fir... oh god!

 

by Turnace
1-18-03
Dave finds a monkey...
Dude, sweet! a monkey!
What?

 

by Turnace
1-18-03
Its always sad when a famous film series dies...
So, Mister Bond... we meet AGAIN
Your super computer virus will be...erm... EXTERMINATED, Katz!
we here at the Film Series retirement ranch believe we must give money to stop the pain of needless sequals...
oohh, James
lets go have sex...
its....so...sad!
Please, have a heart. Call 860 - 3165 and help these great films to be remembered thier first successes, not the 45th sequal

 

by Turnace
1-20-03
Daddy and Junior and are enjoying a nice game of "Name that tune"
ba ba ba ba ba dum de dum...
...
tra la la la laaaa!
You suck
FOR GODS SAKE JUNIOR! Its the theme from "Flying Doctors"!!!
Fuck you

 

by Turnace
2-10-04
...And now, Mr. Peirre Le Bien
How now brown cow?
They love me! They're in awe of my word... phrase...master..ness
...and it turns out I was wearing no pants through the whole gig
who is this guy talking to...

 

by Turnace
2-10-04
Paedophiles walk every street... what should you do if you are confronted!?!
hmm... nice shorts
Step one...
Look behind you!
This is against my best judgement, but ok...
Then just toss on a match...
Wow, with all that grease, he'll burn for years!
oh, bother! Curse you public service ad 1!

 

by Turnace
2-12-04
...and next tonight we have something truely special...
KBBN has always been on the forefront of the next big thing...
and so only here will you find this exclusive coverage of the newest extreme sport
we can now cross over to the live feed direct from the action!
You are in a field surrounded by evil clones of Jeremy Paxman
Dude, I cast magic missile
n00b

 

by Turnace
2-12-04
OMG! Its Dr. Science! Hi Dr. Science
Hi Kids! Today I'm going to answer some of your fan mail in my new weekly segment: "I can answer that!"
Ah, here's one "hey Science, would you like to add 3 inches to your wang?"
mom! MOM! Come quick! Hes answering my question!

 

by Turnace
2-12-04
There is a problem at the Royal Palace!
This is arkward, but I need to ask a favour... I need someone disposed of...
Not exactly what I had in mind

 

by Turnace
2-25-04
...so they sent me up to find ya, 'nanas, your late for afternoon tea!

 

by Turnace
3-01-04
Ignoring all the warnings clearly stated by the government, James uses the internet.
lol teh intrenet roxors for pr0n!
lets see what happens....
A virus?! oh nos!! wtf!!
Right you are, James! Remeber kids, the internet is home to computer-roasting viruses and any or all porn you view may secretly involve ladyboys. Do YOU want to take the chance?
disaster!! my teh Pc!! Teh intrenet SuXoRz

 

by Turnace
4-03-04
Stan's had a few too many
So I says to satan, I says your not so tough!
Stan honey, you really shouldnt piss my brother off....
oh yeah!? the face cant even find his idiot with boths hands!!
ahem
what....... what?

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