All comics by TurnipKing

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by TurnipKing
5-25-03
And in the end there was nothing too.
In the beginning there was nothing.
These panels may not be in chronological order

 

by TurnipKing
5-25-03
Nothing continued to happen
Well, it seems a pretty roomy nothing anyway
Yeah, nice and quiet. I could get used to this.
Why do I have the shivers all of a sudden?
It's not a donkey, but it'll do.

 

by TurnipKing
5-25-03
Hello, what do we have here?
What the heck was I thinking! I couldn't really possibly...
Well, it's not John Romero, but it'll do
Uh oh.
The following scene has been censored for reasons of taste and lack of artwork. In the meantime, here is a dog on a ball.
OH DEAR GOD! IT'S TOO BI-AAAAAAARGGGH!

 

by TurnipKing
5-27-03
Gritbeard the Pirate is planning on stealing some Pieces Of Eight...
Arr! Hand over yer riches!
Fuck off. I haven't got time for this.
He fails...
Where be ye be going. D'arr.
Shopping, before this money burning a hole in my pocket makes me melt.
In the meantime, genetic cloning goes hideously out of control

 

by TurnipKing
5-29-03
Eureka! I've done it! The laser powered toothbrush! Behold my bright and shiney teeth, all thanks to my new invention. Here, let me show you how it works!
?
ZAPP!
Hmm. I think it needs a little adjustment. Let me check my notes.
No shit, sherlock!

 

by TurnipKing
5-29-03
Ex-3DO employee tries to get a new job
So, tell me about some of the games you've worked on previously.
Well, I worked on Might and Magic, of course... Oh, and I was involved with Army Men...
Army Men?!
Um yes...
Miss Spendapenny? Yes, cancel my appointments for the rest of the day. And send the rest of the guys up here. Tell them to bring the baseball bats, flaming torches and wooden stakes.
Not again...

 

by TurnipKing
6-09-03
Could you possibly do me a favour and fetch my disparate component atom recombobulator?
F*ck off. I just sat down for a game of StreetKombat Deadly Vegetable.
// HYPER DEATH BOLLOCK KICK!
// ARGH, MY NADS!
Meanwhile, genetic cloning continues going out of control apace.
You know, I think there may have been a point to this strip at some point.

 

by TurnipKing
6-09-03
// SHINKU-HAJODIKEN!
* AXESQUIRREL ... VICTOLY! *
// IIII-AAAARRRGGGHHH
// FIERY MEGA-SQUIRREL AXE OF DOOM
I'd swear that character isn't even supposed to be in the game. Where in the name of turnips did you learn that move?
I'm a Gameshark.

 

by TurnipKing
6-09-03
AAAA...
RRRR...
GGGH!!!
Ah, much better.
Next time, will you PLEASE get the recombobulator before you play video games!
Only if you get around to doing something about that whole genetic cloning thing. That "so-called" joke is annoying the hell out of me.

 

by TurnipKing
6-09-03
And genetic cloning de blah blah blah yackitty schmackity...
Problem solved.
Okay, maybe I was too harsh on that laser powered tootbrush idea.
I'm ALWAYS right. Eventually.

 

by TurnipKing
6-09-03
LOGICALLY I DEDUCE THAT IT WAS NURSE RACHETT, IN THE REFUELLING DEPOT WITH THE UNSOLVABLE EQUATION. THEREFORE J'ACUSE AFOREMENTIONED.
YOU ARE INCORRECT. I HAVE THE UNSOLVEABLE EQUATION
CURSES. IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE WELDING TORCH THEN.
ALSO, I BELIEVE THE ACT WAS ACUALLY PERFORMED BY PROFESSOR PDP-11

 

by TurnipKing
6-14-03
This is SJ. He's here to talk to you about a new games website, called Resolution Games (http://resgames.net)
Resolution, then. Founded by ex Techstorm and Crucial members, Resolution is a new games website, aimed at the more theoretically-thinking gamer.
It's a site designed to be more than just a news and reviews database - although the website does indeed include reviews.
I'd encourage you to check it out, as I'm one of the co-founders, and the forum's a bit empty. Still, you might well like it.
We certainly feel it stands up to the quality of most professionally-run sites out there. Check it out, join the forum, and don't flame me. I'm only human.
ARRRRGH, I SAID NO FLAMES!

 

by TurnipKing
6-15-03
METROID PRIME
The Metroid series, since it's earliest incarnation on the NES, has been a platform game, with some shooting involved occasionally.
This is generally called a platform shoot-em-up
Metroid Prime successfully takes the same mechanics and makes it playable from a first person perspective.
Thus, it is a First person platform shoot em up. It is not a first person shooter, it is not a first person RPG and it is not a first person adventure.
You've been watching another episode of "things that get my goat"

 

by TurnipKing
6-15-03
#1 - Who wants to pay to pretend to be a wierd looking alien or a Gay protocol droid. Lets face it, everyone wants to be a Jedi, or maybe a bounty hunter.
BEND OVER. I WISH TO INTERFACE WITH YOUR REAR OUTPUT PORT.
Mesa tinking mesa not gonna like dis.
However, it's supposedly really difficult to become a Jedi - as it should be. However, this means only people with ludicrous amounts of free time or who are adept at cheating will be Jedi's
I am JediMaster Yodah. I exist soley in Star Wars Galaxies, and do not know what this "Real World" you speak of is.
I am Newby-Killah 4356. I became a Sith Warlord in three hours by cheating like a complete bastard.
Oh no, there goes all my stuff again!
h4! joo r pwn3d! I r uber 1337!

 

by TurnipKing
7-01-03
Well frankly Sir, we should stop making Final Fantasy games.
You must be on crack, that series makes us f*ck millions!
Well yes, but one little twerp on the Gamesradar message board thinks we should stop... and frankly that name is getting increasingly stupid.
Hmm, you may have a point. Lets rename it Never-Fucking-Endig Fantasy instead, that should satisfy everyone
Now, could you be a dear and heat up the branding irons, so I can get back to torturing up the ex 3D0 employee.
Dear god, no please just let me die...

 

by TurnipKing
1-11-04
So, did you hear about how British Phonographic Industry is investigating Amazon, CD-Wow et al for selling CD's really really cheaply
Nup. Whassat about then?
Apparently they all import CD's from outside the EU, where they're massively cheaper, so they can sell em at a huge discount!
Shocking!
People still buy music? Get those poor saps an internet connection. Stat!
Now Downloading... Latest Crappy Pop Idol's Chat Hit

 

by TurnipKing
1-12-04
What?
*dies*

 

by TurnipKing
1-21-04
George Lucas - 1977
Swords are cool... So are Lasers...
OMFG!1 What if you could have a sword MADE OUT OF LASERS!!!!
Nintendo - 1994
VR is cool. So Is the Gameboy I inveted.
OMFG!!1 What if you could have a PORTABLE VR GAMEBOY!ONE1!
Nintendo - Yesterday
OMFG! What if you had a console with TWO screens!
Sounds good. Run with it. But try and build in a sword made of lasers!

 

by TurnipKing
7-04-04
Oh my god? Are you playing computer games?
Yup
Stop - Don't you know these things teach kids to kill?
Yeah, I've heard that. But if you take away their games, all you're going to do is make them want to use their video game learned skills on YOU.
...Good point. Either I'd better my kid more games, or you'd better have spare controller. I need to learn to kill in a hurry.
Hey, that's the spirit! if you can't beat em, learn to beat better!

 

by TurnipKing
8-01-04
On behalf of all right thinking psychopaths everywhere, I'd just like to give a quick nod of thanks to the Press, who've recently given us an excuse for our behaviour.
From now on, any time one of us lops off a limb or does something else nasty, we'll just cry 'It wasn't MEEEEEE, Manhunt (or other recent 'evil' game) MADE me do it!" Soon EVERYONE will be using it.
*OH MY GOD, MY ARM! PLEASE GOD, MAKE THE HURTING STOP!*
"Of course, some people are ALWAYS in need of excuses..."
I'm terribly sorry that I misled the country over our attack on Iraq, but IT WASN'T MY FAULT, MANHUNT MADE ME DO IT!

 

YOU HAVE FAPPED TO MOST OF A SMALL CAT. PLEASE PICK YOUR HOUSES WITH GREATER CARE.
by TurnipKing, 1-22-12

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