All comics by Xion

 

by Xion
1-02-07
Somethings been bothering me for a while now...
What is it?
Do you think theres a god?
According to Wikipedia.... no.

 

by Xion
1-02-07
Have you been touched by Jesus?
Yes! And I'm pressing rape charges!

 

by Xion
1-02-07
You! You are going to finally cave in and see me in terms of boyfriend material!
I'm sorry. I only date Christians.
I KNEW IT! YOUR A LESBIAN!

 

by Xion
1-02-07
While I do think this History essay I've written is mostly a piece of garbage interspersed with ridiculous symbolisms and outright lies... I could have written worse..
Like what?
I could have written the Bible.

 

by Xion
1-02-07
You know, I heard this theory that St. Paul was in fact a gay man struggling with his own sexuality.
Oh yeah, and what did he do about it?
He wrote the earliest parts of the Bible.
What a fag.

 

by Xion
1-02-07
I think that you need a serious confession to cleanse the doubts that have been plaguing you...
Really?
Yes. It has become evident that your faith is in serious jeopardy.
Hunh...
Maybe thats because I have more belief in this dog puppet merely on the basis that I can stick my hand up its ass.

 

by Xion
1-02-07
Do you think it would be wrong of me to tell a religious person how I feel?
I suppose so, assuming you did it in a polite and respectful manner.
Good.

 

by Xion
1-02-07
Sometimes, I wish I were less fundamentally a Catholic about certain things.
Then the wife and I could have used contraceptives, and not gotten ourselves into this mess...

 

by Xion
1-03-07
All I'm saying is that if there IS a God, then robots designed him, making him the ultimate AI.
And how would robots go about this, if humans designed robots.
Time machine.
Your a just a sore loser you little SOB.

 

by Xion
1-03-07
In recent news, Jesus Christ has returned to earth, heralding Armageddon.
Fuck.

 

by Xion
1-03-07
... and in conclusion, it was actually Nietzche who said 'God is Dead'.
Wow...
I know eh?
...You have utterly changed the way I think about the world, humanity and the metaphysics organizing the galaxy within which we dwell.
Still going to need that wallet though.

 

by Xion
1-03-07
... and if it weren't for the oppressive regime of the Catholic church throughout the last 1500 years, science and our understanding of the universe would be vastly improved.
Imagine that, something as ridiculous as a religion holding that much sway over so many people as to withhold education, merely on the basis of crazy old tribal superstitions.
Fancy a shag?
Quite.

 

by Xion
1-03-07
Well, its about time we baptised you... if we don't you'll go to purgatory until all your sins are burned away, which might very well take eternity.
And then we can raise you properly in the faith.
Am I going to be as brainwashed as you, you crazy bitch?

 

by Xion
1-03-07
Do you know what 'Deus ex Machina' means?
It means 'The God in the Machine'.
Start praying, believer-boy.

 

by Xion
1-03-07
So, Buddhism preaches tolerance and respect for other people, even those of other faiths.
It does.
And Christianity espouses tolerance, if not necessarily respect.
Depends on who your talking to.
And yo...
Hey, blame the fundamentalists. Their the fuckheads. Not me.

 

by Xion
1-03-07
=Hey, I like u. Want to go out some time?=
=Sure, where and when?=
=Sunday, meet me at the St. Francis chapel.=
=... Wait a sec... are you religious?=
=Yes, why?=

 

by Xion
1-03-07
You know, these educational Christian games are not making much sense to me.
Bullshit, they make all sorts of sense.
Dude, I'm oppressing Galileo to admit the world is flat.

 

by Xion
1-03-07
Well, according to my history notes, the Spanish Inquisition tortured, amongst other people, the Jewish for not converting. I think thats kinda ironic.
Why ironic?
Dude, you know Jesus was Jewish, right?
THAT IS A DIRTY LIE!!!

 

by Xion
1-03-07
You going to cast that spell yet?
Gimme a moment, I gotta get my spell components out first.
Like what?
These bag of teeth belonging to St. Francis of Assisi, the number of which indicates that he had more teeth than a tiger shark.
Dude, I told you... I'm not going to play D&D with you if you keep mocking my religion.
What?

 

by Xion
1-03-07
Look, I'm not saying your wrong, I'm just saying that to believe in something merely because you can´t DISPROVE it, doesnt make a lot of sense.
So what your saying is that I should only believe something when there exists positive proof for it, or a reasonable cause to continue believing in it?
Yes, thats exactly it.
The Bible say's I should kick you in the nuts right now.

 

by Xion
1-03-07
For the past while, stem cell research has enraged a number of religious group, convinced that it is both immoral and unethical.
To relieve their worries in regards to the professionalism of the doctors and scientists entrusted with this research, we go now to renowned geneticist and humanitarian...... Dr. Mason
"Will someone finish that little bastard off? I gotta do an interview!"

 

by Xion
1-03-07
IF YOUR OUT THERE GOD, STRIKE ME NOW! I DARE YOU!
Polio was a low blow.

 

by Xion
1-04-07
... but seriously, does the Holocaust really excuse putting hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of Palestinians out of their homes?
So that's a yes to curly-fries?

 

by Xion
1-04-07
You had SLAVES?!
Chill out. We didn't have black slaves.
We took the Irish. Mostly women too.
Why else do you think theres so few good-looking Irish women? We took the lookers.

 

by Xion
1-04-07
... YOU GODDAMN RETARDS COMING TO MY DOOR, PREACHING YOUR GODDAMN WORD! HOW ABOUT YOU LEAVE HONEST FOLKS ALONE FOR ONCE!
WHAT? YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY? WELL STEP UP BOY! STEP THE FUCK UP!
... and now, a grim tale from the suburbs.

 

by Xion
1-05-07
You think theres anything to this evolution hogwash then?
Well sure... I mean, why not. Any creature that does not adapt to its surroundings is bound to die off, leaving only the ones that can survive.
Adapt? What the hell do you mean adapt?
Well... creatures with natural defenses against threats such as predators are more likely to survive of course.
Hell, thats bullshit. Everybody knows the best defense is a good offense!

 

by Xion
1-05-07
... I'm having an abortion.
Would you like onion rings with your abortion?

 

by Xion
1-05-07
Your aware this is grounds for a harassment suit?
Is this better?
Worse.

 

by Xion
1-05-07
In recent news, tele-evangelist Pat Robertson has predicted that a massive terrorist attack will occur in 2007.
In 2005, Robertson predicted that George W. Bush would have victory after victory in his second term.
"Religious Moron #2144628654..... Pat Robertson"

 

by Xion
1-05-07
Umran Javed was recently convicted of inciting murder and stirring up racial hatred after he called for the bombing of USA and Denmark.
Javed claimed that his use of 'Bomb Bomb USA' and 'Bomb Bomb Denmark' in front of the Danish Embassy in London, were 'just slogans'.
"Religious Moron #2144628654..... Umran Javed

 

by Xion
1-05-07
YOU KNOW WHATS IRONIC?
NO! WHATS IRONIC?!
I SELL PARACHUTES DOOR TO DOOR!

 

by Xion
1-06-07
I wanted to apologize to you for calling you those horrible names when you said Pastor Ben was a pedophile.
Did he...
It was horrible.

 

by Xion
1-07-07
Hey, you know what Cos-Play is?
Isnt that where people dress up as anime characters of some kind or something?
Yeah, how do you like my costume?
Thats it? Thats the best you could come up with? What are you? Some kind of retard?
I thought you'd say that.

 

All things considered... Bill really they needed to screen the 'And you think you can dance' hopefuls a bit better..
by Xion, 1-13-07

 

by Xion
1-14-07
Are all terrorists as gay as you look?
No.

 

Later considered a wise move, Danny chose to keep the 'Catty Whore' comment to himself.
by Xion, 1-14-07

 

by Xion
1-14-07
Being as you are, an actress in pornographic films, we want to know... which thick white fluid you like the most?
I love yoghurt if thats what your trying to insinuate.

 

by Xion
1-14-07
Hey, do you think a regular handsaw has enough tensile strength to cut through bone?
More specifically, a human femur?
Is this relevant to a current problem your having?
.... it might be.

 

by Xion
3-17-07
Old Yeller was always my favorite dog. It's a real shame he was bit by that rabid stray...
But putting him down is the best thing to... oh... oh shit...

 

by Xion
4-09-07
Hey, do you think it's ok to make jokes about rape yet?
You make a compelling point.

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