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| Hi, is that the BBC? I saw your programme. I'm the man who kidnapped John Pienaar. | |
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| Look, Hague, I thought I told you to stop calling! If you're bored, I can easily find something for you to do! | |
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| No, no, I really am the kidnapper. | |
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| Though why you want this John Pienaar guy back eludes me. He's the most boring person who ever lived. After Jonathan Dimbleby. | |
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