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| Okay, so I've grafted my arms to my sides, inserted a heated tent stake up my urethra, drilled my teeth to the nerves and filled my mouth with ice cream. | |
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| It's my preparation for Freddy vs Jason coming out. My hope is that if I undergo this ordeal beforehand, watching it will seem tolerable by comparison. | |
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| Excuse me while I call security. | |
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| Before you go, could you wipe the pus off the front of my trousers? | |
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