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| I was sick and tired of everything when I called you last night from Glasgow. | |
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| I'm not surprised. Glasgow's a dump. | |
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| Newly declassified records reveal that it was official government policy between the 1950s and 80s actively to promote poverty in Glasgow in order to suppress the city's left-wing elements. | |
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| Yes, readers - this is not fiction! | |
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| It defies satire. It really does. | |
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| But we'll keep trying anyway. | |
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