All comics by bigjosh308

Profile

 

by bigjosh308
9-06-02
Why are you holding your crotch?
I have to race like a pisshorse.
Well, that's what you get for standing in front of an ocean like this.
That's true, but what do you get for standing ON the ocean like that?
Shit.
I just remembered that robots don't race.

 

by bigjosh308
9-06-02
I'm Rube Goldberg
Well, where's your device?
Watch this.
You just dropped a marble. That's not gonna do anything. What's that smell?
Hmm... It must need some tweaking yet.
Nah, I just tricked you. I was hiding in that chicken's bag-on-a-stick.

 

by bigjosh308
9-06-02
This comic is a special guest comic done by my friend Mary The Holy Mother.
I'm here to tell you that the Easter Bunny sends his thanks that you did this so that he'd have a job.
Dude, I'm just trying to make my arms longer so I can reach the top shelf.
Oh... But then what about all that Bible malarkey?
Nah. That was just a big money-making scheme. Although I don't know why Holy Family Inc. needs money anyway. We are divine, after all. Who the hell drew this background? I'm divine, dammit!
If you're divine, then why can't you just use your "divine powers" to make your arms longer?
I just used up my powers to get a better background. The arm thing will have to be done manually. Where's that damn Energizer bunny when I need him?

 

by bigjosh308
9-06-02
Man, I'm feeling pretty blue.
Hahaha! Yeah, you are!
No, seriously.
Hey, you know you're standing in the middle of a busy highway. Where are your eyes, dude?
I'm just really out of it. I'm blue, you know.
Yeah, but seriously, where are your eyes?

 

by bigjosh308
9-07-02
Grr! Look at my large and misshapen head! My eyebrows don't seem to be fully attached! Be scared!
Dude, I'm a goat sitting on a stool.
You win.
I'd take a bow, but I'm afraid I'd fall off of my stool.

 

by bigjosh308
9-07-02
Another guest strip by Mary The Holy Mother
So, wait a minute. What's the Easter Bunny been doing all these years then?
Easter Bunny? Oh, him. He gave Holy Family Inc. a hefty payoff to endorse all that egg distribution and such. Seems he wasn't getting much business without our help.
Oh. But I thought you really didn't need money, being divine and such...
Enough out of you! We're divine! We can do whatever we want! If we want money, we'll have it! You'd better watch yourself unless you want your holiday to lose its Holy Family Inc. endorsement.
Oh. Umm... Well, I suppose I don't want that. So are your arms almost to a length that pleases you?
Yes. Too long, in fact. Those darn Romans nailed me up too well. I'm having trouble getting down. And don't even start with the "But if you're divine" crap! I know you're thinking it! I'm divine!

 

by bigjosh308
9-07-02
I'm Rube Goldberg. I make Rube Goldberg Devices. They're neat.
I'm an alien. My devices are much more neat.
Ha! Watch what my device does when I pull on this little string here.
Neat.
Actually, this isn't one of my devices. The dog gave it to me as he rolled by.

 

by bigjosh308
9-07-02
This comic is a joint effort between myself and Mary The Holy Mother.
Hey Roman! My arms are long enough! Get over here and un-nail me!
Oh, hello up there, Jesus. What's that you say? You're ready to come down? Okay, let me just put these other nails where I won't lose them.
Well, make it quick. The kind folks at Holy Family Inc. have things on the top shelf that they need me to reach with my new long arms. I'm divine, you know.
Divine, eh? That sounds very nice. Must be convenient for those times when divinity is necessary. Okay, I think I'll find the nails there. I'll get you down now.
It's nice to finally meet someone who appreciates divinity. That damn Santa just doesn't seem to get it...

 

by bigjosh308
9-07-02
I'm blue.
What the hell kind of sick pun is that supposed to be?

 

by bigjosh308
9-07-02
This is kinda like those Calvin Klein commercials, isn't it?

 

by bigjosh308
9-07-02
I'm blue.
Yeah, dude, I sing a song about you.
Oh, you're in that shitty Eiffel 65 group, huh?
Umm...yeah. We sing that kick ass song about being blue. "All day and all night everything I see is blue like me, inside and outside."
No it's not, dumbass. You're not even blue. I'm the only blue thing here. You moron.
Yeah, but my shirt is blue.

 

by bigjosh308
9-07-02
Dude, what would you know anyway? You don't even have eyes.
Dude, I'm blue. You're not. Your song sucks. That's what I'd know. Now, away with you.
Fine then. Blue, blue, away from here!

 

by bigjosh308
9-08-02
More assistance from the divine...
Sorry Jesus. I guess you'll have to use your divine powers to get down.
What? You stupid Roman! My divine powers are still recharging! Get back here! Holy Family Inc. can't get to the top shelf without me!
Hey Jesus, what's up with you giving away our deal? Everyone knows that my holiday is a sham, now. I can't give away my eggs anymore, and I've been de-eared.
Well, shit. I don't know. Why don't you go find that cupid cat and see if you can get in on the Valentine's Day hubbub. Silly mortals tend to eat that crap up.
Can't you just use your divine powers to provide me with luxury? I think you owe it to me after giving away our scam to everyone.
Ha! I've got far more divine things to use my divinity on. Silly sod. Now go find that other bunny...the Energizer one...see if he can come and recharge me. I have no use for you.

 

by bigjosh308
9-08-02
Whoa. I didn't know that Santa Claus was real.
Hey. Neither did I.
I also thought that being aware of my existence and my actually existing were mutually exclusive and could never occur simultaneously.
Shit. I think you may be right.
Ha. I sure tricked him. That was fun. Now where's the tooth fairy?

 

by bigjosh308
9-08-02
My good friend Mary The Holy Mother is at it again.
Hello Jesus. I just stopped by to say that the collection plate profits are at an all time high. What a great suggestion that was. I just wanted to thank Holy Family Inc. for endorsing it.
Of course it was a good idea! I'm divine! All my ideas are good. Although I'm kinda questioning this arm lengthening thing. This was that damn Gabriel's idea anyway. Stupid sprite.
Yeah, those idiots actually think the money goes to God! Like I FedEx it up there or something!
Umm...you do FedEx it up there... Our extremely large cut of it anyway...
I don't suppose you have a nail-puller on you, do you?

 

by bigjosh308
9-08-02
I'm Rube Goldberg. I'm quite the device maker.
Oh, yes, I've heard of your crazy devices.
I've been working on the final components of this one for ages. Watch as I release this white balloon into the air that you can't see because it matches the background perfectly.
Umm...Nothing's happening. Just your stupid balloon that isn't even there is just floating into the air in an imaginary manner.
Hmm...Maybe I should make some adjustments in the optimization of the integrated niches.
Umm...yeah. Do that. And reduce the imaginary factor of the integrated you're a moron.

 

by bigjosh308
9-09-02
I'm blue.
Yeah, dude, I kinda am too.
Shut up.
I'd peck your eyes out if you had any.

 

by bigjosh308
9-11-02
Grr! I have a large head! My pupils seem to be frighteningly dilated! My mouth is disproportionately large! Fear me, giant lizard!
Dude, I'm a friggin' dinosaur holding a friggin' coffee mug. Coffee mugs haven't even been invented yet.
Okay. I'll buy that.
Good. Now let me finish my coffee in peace.

Showing page 1.