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| ...and in other news, feminists protest the new "men and children first" rule for ship sinkings. | |
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| DATELINE: DETROIT! Local officials pledge to clean up what has been called "a deluge of cat shi--" | |
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| Wait a minute, what's this "DATELINE" crap? | |
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| It's, uhh, dramatic. I thought it might perk up the ratings. | |
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| DATELINE: KNOTTS BERRY FARM! Log ride mishap injures birthday clowns-- children sad. | |
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| DATELINE: HIGGINS ELEMENTARY! This week's school lunch schedule has been announced. | |
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