All comics by blackspy53

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by blackspy53
6-19-11
Ooo... An elf!
What would YOU like for Christmas?
A series of 1000-giganeutron launcher nukes, capable of killing the entire human race.
I'm hard to shop for.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
I love Office Parties! Especially in Halloween!
Yeah, but that party was yesterday, so you'd better take off the costume before the boss sees you.
Costume?
Oh, yeah. Sorry.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
Uggh...
So office jobs really DO burn your soul.
Help...

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
Say, aren't you that guy who keeps putting asbestos into our wall?
Yes, but let me remind you of Section III, article XXXVIII of the employee handbook.
Never question the employee of the month.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
So my mommy works at an office and it was her genetics that make me keep rambling on and on and on and on and on
I think it was probably because her boss just keeps rambling on and on and on and on and on at her meetings hahahaha isn't that somethin'
There you have it. Never work in a cubicle, because even your daughter's life could be screwed up.
anyway the reason all our windows are blocked out by pieces of wood is because Mom doesn't want us to be attacked by the zombies of her worked-to-death coworkers...

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
I would like to thank you all for coming out tonight.
Even though the only people who are here are a talking dog, my pet lawn gnome, and Satan.
So how about airplane food, huh?

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
I have the bird flu, and all my children died when a snake ate them in their eggs.
Oh well, I suppose it couldn't get worse.
Your wife sent you this death threat. Also, you'll be in prison for life for skipping jury duty, and your bills haven't been paid, so your house has been demolished.
Then again...
So, are you ready for the butt doctor to see you?

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
Why's there a tentacle coming out of the toilet?
You hired me to scare off the telecommuters.
Oh yeah.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
I'm-a can't believe I'm-a in prison!
Just because I murdered Bowser kidnapped Princess-a Peach, and nuked the entire island of-a Dream-a Land.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
Thank you all for coming out tonight! Are you all having a good time?
No.
Well, I'd especially like to thank my guest of honor, Pointius, whose eraser is currently pointed at my mouth! Wait, wh--
A few seconds later...
Mlp mm!!!
Is this part of the show?

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
Get down on the ground! You're under arrest for stealing art!
You can't do anything to me. You're just one of those army men toys.
Uh, my gun's just outta bullets.
Of course.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
Ah... China!
The smell of General Tso's, the weird little trinkets from around the world...
Hello! Enjoying your stay?
And the hospitable midgets.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
My name is Jon. I'm 31 and I can't find a girlfriend.
Why can't I get anyone to like me? Why do people not want to talk to me?
And why haven't I showered in two months?
My nose. It burns.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
At last!
The engineers have designed and built me this atomic bomb!
And now to give our CEO a death threat.
Right on.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
I am the ghost of your breakfast!
I have asked the engineers to build a giant griddle large enough to fry a human!
Back to the drawing board...
Wouldn't they just start craving bacon and put you on there?
Stop building it! Now!

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
Excuse me, miss? Your, um, bedroom is on fire
Yeah, right Al.
I'm not your ex-boyfriend!
How'd you know he's my ex, then?
Dang, I'm such a bad axe murderer.
Women can read thoughts, too.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
So what do you think of this job?
I don't know. I kind of think they just hired us for the heck of it.
Why do you say that?
Well, they're only paying us $5 an hour...
Oh?
And they locked us down here to make copies of a document full of gibberish.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
Thank you for injecting me with that radiation! Now I am Gemini Man!
No problem!
Oh, by the way, you'll die in 10 hours.
Could I fight any crime in that period of time?
No. What superhero is named after a constellation anyway?

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
Let's play Hide n' Seek!
Hide and seek? There isn't a rock for hundreds of miles around here!
1... 2... 3...
Help me...

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
Pfft. Bathroom security. What a stupid job.
Crime doesn't happen near the John anyway.
I'm not afraid to use these pincers. Give me your wallet.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
There has been a crime scene today. The body looks as though it was slashed with a knife.
Uh...
I'm asking this guy questions. So anyway, have you seen anyone suspicious around here?
Hmm... Think of a lie quick...
Get on the ground.
Maybe it was that guy over there who works at Old Navy.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
Blub blub blub...
Never mess with death...
Or work at EDCO...
Glub... I'm sorry I became their CEO... Glub...

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
So in '92, my husband got ran over by an ice cream truck.
Then my children got snow cones from the driver.
Why aren't you guys laughing?

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
Well, I had to throw the corpse in the trash because nobody knew him.
But at least I won't have to pay for a funeral.
A... Am I alive? Did she ever stop kicking me in the groin?
Dang. I need the money for an iPod. Dr. Cobswell, do you have that lethal injection?

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
I'm busy with a surgery. Why do you need the lethal injection?
Um...
Nurse Scott needs money for an iPod and can't afford anyone's funeral.
Technical purpouses?
Nice try.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
You interrupted the surgery, and the man's pancreas explded. I have to fire you.
But you can't fire me. Your job title is "Janitor".
That's HEAD Janitor to you.
Does it make a difference?
Well, seeing as you're ASSISTANT janitor...
@*%$&!@... He always gets me with that.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
Welcome back to The Amazing Race. We now join Trek Stars and Lumberjack Johnson, otherwise known as Team Redshirt.
They have been through the deserts of Arizona, the big city of L.A., and the many mountains of Colorado...
And now they're lost in a small closet.
Open the freakin' door already.

 

by blackspy53
6-19-11
Welcome to Finger Puppet Mania!
I would like to thank any loser who's watching, and I'd like to say all my viewers are wasting their lives watching this! Our director is a 7-tentacled octopus anyway!
Cut!

 

by blackspy53
6-20-11
One day in Chicago
This just in: an escaped criminal has looted a school and killed all the teachers.
The students went home, not knowing if they should be happy or sad.
We now return you to Cops: Chicago

 

by blackspy53
6-20-11
Your son's pancreas exploded, and he has died.
My nurse interrupted the surgery, and I had to fire her. This is the 97th person I've ever lost in surgery. I'm sorry it had to be your little Bobby.
It was Chris. Andw hy don't they fire the mediocre surgeons like you?
I have my doctorate. It's not a perfect system.

 

by blackspy53
6-20-11
After scanning, I have figured out what this is.
It appeared to be shot by a phaser or a Klingon Warbird, but apparently...
It is the charred remains of a CEO's soul.
*Cough*

 

by blackspy53
6-20-11
Everybody, this is your new boss, Redbeard O' Scurvy.
He shall teach you the ways of engineering, marketing...
and "searching for treasure on the seven seas".
Arr.

 

by blackspy53
6-20-11
Okay, we got that kid busted for stealing art.
And now the town has no criminals or delinquents.
Now I don't have to worry about possible assassination!
Heh heh heh...

 

Oww...
Wow... The 3-D in Duke Nukem Forever is epic!
by blackspy53, 6-20-11

 

by blackspy53
6-20-11
I am the magical pixie fairy! I'll grant you any wish, poor soul!
I wish to be back in my hometown of Rome!
Poof!
Dang. Forgot it was World War III...

 

by blackspy53
6-20-11
Hello, followers! I'm Dr. Cobswell!
As you can see, I'm about to perform a surgery!
But I can't find the light switch, and... Oh, his organs exploded...

 

by blackspy53
6-20-11
You've lost your 100th patient. You're fired.
But I'm also the janitor!
Yeah. And you haven't cleaned the bathrooms in 9 months.
I'll just leave.

 

by blackspy53
6-20-11
Great... Where can I get a job now?
Hoo-hoo! Looking for a job? Join the circus!!!
That's it! I'll become a contract killer!!!

 

Psst. Hey fella. Wanna buy a spatula? Only $150.
I'm in my %@$#!*& kitchen and I have plenty of %*@$#%! spatulas, $@%!-face!
by blackspy53, 6-20-11

 

by blackspy53
6-20-11
What's he trying to do? Why's he freaking spraying mustard on a wall?
What's official? You're gay? You're an idiot? You're wasting a perfectly good bottle of mustard?
Well, it's official...
O RLY?
Mustard isn't corrosive.

 

by blackspy53
6-20-11
Let's see... If I'm from explodingdog...
Why hasn't this dog blown up yet?
Better safe than sorry...
Woof...

 

by blackspy53
6-20-11
Well, we've invaded the Earth, disguised ourselves as humans...
And moved in with the cast of Jersey Shore!
What's next in our plan?
Commit suicide? That show sucks.

 

by blackspy53
6-20-11
Well, this is just great. I've had a recent lobotomy and I'm lost in the desert.
Oh well, it couldn't get worse.
Dah... $!&@$ rattlesnakes.
Ssssss...

 

Nobody's here. Wanna chug some beer?
Nobody's here. Wanna chug some beer?
by blackspy53, 6-20-11

 

This comic was ironically generated under "Random Comic Input"...
I want a divorce!!!
No!!!
by blackspy53, 6-20-11

 

Shouldnt've taken your helmet off, Miguel. We're in a house in Jupiter.
by blackspy53, 6-20-11

 

FAIL
"How to not be killed by ninjas for DUMMIES".
by blackspy53, 6-20-11

 

by blackspy53
6-20-11
What exactly am I saying no to?
Pole dancing.

 

And the Award for Best Alien goes to...
by blackspy53, 6-20-11

 

Hunting in the copyroom is too easy sometimes...
Shoot me... I hate working here.
by blackspy53, 6-20-11

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