All comics by cactusx

 

by cactusx
6-26-03
First day at the warehouse
Hello sir! I'm so honoured that you decided to come here to check up on me!
Well Unlucky, you seem to be a competent worker.
I hope the knots I made on those crates don't fall apart. That would be too unlucky.
So Mr Unlucky, how is the job?
Once again, our hero falls victim to bad luck.
CRASH!!!
My merchandise! My crates! YOU'RE FIRED!!!

 

by cactusx
6-26-03
Mr Unlucky walks into Ladbrokes
Surely I'm due a spurt of luck. Ok, I want £500 on Man United beating Arsenal.
Are you sure, Mr. Unlucky? You'e lost a lot of money in the last few months.
Just place the bet. I know that Arsenal won't win.
I think Mr. Unlucky has a gambling problem.
Poor Mr. Unlucky.
FINAL SCORE ARSENAL VS MANCHESTER UNITED: Arsenal 2, Man Utd 1!
Damnit, I lost again!

 

by cactusx
6-26-03
Mr. Unlucky installs his new PC
Right. I've got to figure out how to work it.
SYSTEMS ERROR!!
Poor computer
NO! What did I do? You stupid computer!
SYSTEMS ERROR!
I wonder if I can get a refund...

 

by cactusx
6-26-03
Mr Unlicky gets a job in a factory
I'm glad I got this job. I need to pay off my gambling debts. Nice little factory, this. Makes robots for industry.
The boss told me not to touch this button. I bet it's just a test, and it doesn't to anything. Oh, I can't resist...
I think it's safe to say I'm fired.

 

by cactusx
6-26-03
Paul and Carl are doing their favourite passtime... drinking
You see the match the other night?
Yeah, it was ok.
Hell no.
Don't you ever get tired of just sitting here, drinking?
You wanna go for a drive?
Ah, shut up

 

by cactusx
6-26-03
If you say so.
This is horrible. I hate war.
Whatever
I mean, it's so sad, and terrifying!
Dunno.
People are dying around us, and we're just standing here drinking. WHY, DAMMIT? WHY ARE WE HERE? WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ME?

 

by cactusx
6-26-03
After a wild night, Mr Unlucky takes a shortcut through the graveyard.
What a night! I just wish the bus hadn't of been late. I'm so unlucky!
A zombie appears
Alright, mate? Wait a minute...
UGH
Oh dear. He's dead.

 

by cactusx
6-30-03
Mr Unlucky talks to Paul, from the lazy disgruntled alcoholics.
What's your advice, Paul? I'm the unluckiest man in the world!
I got problems as well. Carl's the laziest person I ever met! And we've been mates for years. Tell you what you could do, drink your problems away!
Later, after many drinks..
When I wash young, we ushed to call thish place a pub.
And they 'shtill do!
To be continued...
It's bull fighting night! Damn your luck!!

 

by cactusx
6-30-03
In the last part of Mr Unlucky and the bull, him and Paul from the LDA comics went for a drink, only to find out that the club authorised bullfighting.
If this bull kills me, you're next to fight it, Unlucky! Er... maybe we can work this out...
I guess not...
Don't worry, readers! They're both ok now. The end.
This must be the unluckiest man in the world!!
Wait 'till you hear his name!!!

 

by cactusx
6-30-03
Our 'heroes' are in a spot of bother.
We're dying! How did we fall into the sea, anyway?
Dunno. Don't care.
They manage to swim to shore
We're alive!
Ok then.
The two are saved.
WE JUST CHEATED DEATH! WHY DON'T YOU CARE? DAMNIT, WHY DON'T YOU CARE?!
Dunno.

 

by cactusx
7-05-03
Tourette's man is out for a walk
Oh my God, a mass murderer! If my tourettes kicks in, I'm finished!
The tourettes syndrome kicks in
Ah... Good morning, Sir! I...I...YOU FUCKING PRATT!!!
You what?
The End
We are here today to mourn..

 

by cactusx
7-05-03
Flatman, aka John Smith, comes back to his flat after a hard day at the office. (As a clerk.)
Buying council flats? This sounds like a job for FLAT MAN!!
It was revealed yesterday that Margaret Thatcher is planning to allow citizens to buy their council flats.
In the houses of Parliament...
No you don't, you evil Conservative devil!
And I, Margaret Thatcher, will be passing this bill tomorrow!
Once again, the day is saved by Flatman!!
Ah, let's leave them to it. Bloody Tories.

 

by cactusx
7-14-03
The art of conceptualism is underrated in today's fundamentalist society.
Therefore art, if that is what it is, is inferior to the sense of pride of killing. However, art is elementary.
Indeed
Right. So... that's why I'm not going to kill you.

 

by cactusx
7-14-03
My friend, you are having a skip in luck because your soul is not in line with your senses.
You have a lowered self esteem. Your luck is a canvas. You can make art, or destroy it. This relates to your Karma. It is for these reasons that you are unlucky, Mr Unlucky.
I have no idea.
What the bloody hell are you going on about?

 

by cactusx
7-14-03
A Capitalism vs. Communism arguement
Haha! I am an American tycoon. I have more money than I know what to do with!!
No kiddink! I am a Communist coal miner. Eet ees good vork. Can I aav some money?
No, Vladamir. Then my government would call me a Communist sympathiser
But I am poor! Just like our government!!
Another victory won over the reds!! (Don't worry kids, the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991.)
That's right! Why don't you join us in the real world? Communism doesn't work!!
I guess you are beink right. I vill overturn the Soviet Union tommorow.

 

by cactusx
7-16-03
Another day in Clarks shoe shop
Sure.
Pair of loafers, please
Shhh! We're breaking copywrite!!!
Are you even supposed to be here today?
Bye.
See ya

 

by cactusx
7-16-03
What can I get you?
Could I buy a pair of trainers?
Of course you can buy a pair of trainers!! It's a shoe and trainer store!!
You don't have to get rude!
You know the worst part of it, Paul? I'm not even supposed to be here toda....
Shut up! We could get sued!!

 

by cactusx
7-16-03
Hey, Eurotrash! What can I get you?
That is not the question. The question is, what can I buy?
That's what I meant.
Your dedication to your work is ironic. Even though you're not supposed to be here...
SHUT UP!!! You wanna get sued?
Certainly not.

 

by cactusx
7-16-03
Very cute. I see through your plan. I go and play, and when I get back to my bench, you and the other squirrels have taken it.
Hey Andy! Your friends are playing football over there. Why don't you join them?
I have been sitting on this bench for the last 15 years and I'll be damned if any bastard squirrel takes it away.
But I'm your cute animal sidekick! I give you good advice! So why don't you...
NOOOOOOOO!!
Suit yourself...

 

by cactusx
7-16-03
No. I'm staying on this bench no matter what!
Isn't it time you left the bench?
Wouldn't bet on it...
Ok. Maybe my little friend can convince you.
...
Andy! Prepare to be exterminated!!

 

by cactusx
7-16-03
I fear not. My benchmatic brain is mightier than your rifle.
Now you die.
Told you.

 

by cactusx
7-16-03
Dream on, furry.
Hah hah! I have transported you and your bench to hell! Now you will surrender the bench!
Ooh. Scary.
The last time someone mocked me, I burned his liver!
Did you now?
Yes.

 

by cactusx
7-25-03
Got the interview today! Better go by car!!
Bloody traffic!! I'll just have to take the train!!
Okay! Plain sailing now!

 

by cactusx
7-25-03
I'm sorry sir, but there's a bomb scare. Come to think of it, you match the description of the bomber!! Come here!!!
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!!!
Thank God! I'll get a bus! With 45 minutes to spare!!

 

by cactusx
7-25-03
Not Eurotrash! Not now!!
Hi Mr Unlucky! Isn't it cosmic we're on the same bus together!!
Later...
I missed my stop? FUCK!!! It's all your fault!!!
Time to get off, dude, it's the last stop!
That man is so rude!!

 

by cactusx
7-29-03
I have imprisoned you in a cell! Now give me that bench or rot!!
You're just not getting this, are you? I will NEVER leave this bench. I will eat whatever comes. Eventually I will eat the bench itself. But you can't swipe it away from me!
Oh well, it was worth a try.

 

by cactusx
7-29-03
Jolly good stock manipulation, wasn't it?
You fucking bastard!!
I say we celebrate!
Look, I've tried to be nice, but fuck off before I take you to the fucking cleaners!!
See here! There's no call to be rude!!
Fuck it.

 

by cactusx
7-29-03
I believe you are in line for a promotion, Cedric!
That is very nice of you. Allow me to retort: Shove that fucking promotion up your arse!!
You'll never get anywhere with that attitude!
Fuck you!!! Oh ya!!
You're fired!
Who gives a flying fuck? I'll be a yuppy within another company!!

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