All comics by carlson

Profile

 

by carlson
11-07-02
Stereotypes
Yo, black dude. Can I score some grass?
Just because I am a black dude, you think I sell weed?
Exist
.....
For a reason
Just joking man, a dime bag ok?

 

by carlson
11-07-02
I love going to school at the University of Chicago
I attend for free, because of my race!
Let's confuse them with our crazy moon language!
Xioang, zow sha ming
PRE-FADED JEANS
PRE-FADED JEANS

 

by carlson
11-07-02
Lord forgive me for what I must do
If you spare me and smite yourself, I will send you to my paradise...
SEND ME LORD!
.......
Apostles my ass......
Fancy a snog?

 

by carlson
11-07-02
As a mildly-educated, pretentious hipster I have become disillusioned with the current crop of comedic creations
Here here! I don't understand why kitsch and absurdity have premeated through our culture like the cancer
I absolutely adored your subtle homage to the Royal Tenenbaums!
And the proponents of a liberal arts education are pleased with your dexterous alliteration
CTHULHU AND A PHONE

 

by carlson
11-07-02
Once Upon a Time....
In New Jersey....
Nevermind.

 

by carlson
11-25-02
I'm going to need the perfect line to get this white ho into bed...
Jesus, it's Black Dude... I bet he wants my wallet
Yo, white ho, I got a bag of weed and an oversized cock... whats say I play in your stink?
...
I don't sleep with thick-lipped slaves

 

by carlson
12-06-02
Hey, what do you think about moving Christmas up to September 11th this year?
I'm down! Let's go make some lucky boys and girls very happy...
BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM
ALWAYS REMEMBER
NEVER FORGET

 

by carlson
12-06-02
The battle lines were drawn....
Status report!
Sarge! We can't win! There are too many Yanks!
The demands were made...
You shut the hell up! You fight 'till you drop! Remember what we are doing this for!
You're right.... I can't even imagine what will happen if we lose....
The campaign was a failure
This neighborhood looks nice...

 

by carlson
12-06-02
Yo Greg, we need to have a word...
What's up, black dude?
I think you're being really racist lately! But I think I have a way to hash things out.
Sounds splendid. I bet bringing me out here into the forest was the beginning of our intellectual dialogue.
20 TO LIFE

 

by carlson
1-07-03
First comes finals
I got a B+ on a film paper that took me 55 hours to write.
Me too! Except I did mine 25 minutes before class. Stoned. On the underside of a coffee cup....
Then comes Durham
Triple word score, sweet Joanna. You see, El Nino is Spanish for... The Nino.
Oh pappa! How I love you so!
Finally, defeat.
Welcome back Jo! Whatcha want to ...
BONG RIPS

 

by carlson
1-08-03
Hi! I'm Lyn! Nice to meet you, Jack.
hey...
You sure can hit that joint!
yeah...

 

by carlson
1-08-03
Can I ask you something, Bill?
Of course
Do I bug you?

 

by carlson
1-08-03
Haha! Your acting is mediocre at best. You need to project and retract what you're feeling.... in the biz, we call THAT an arc!
Oh, ok. Thanks dude.
The arc reminds me of my mother's favorite spot for sunning in the Hamptons. You see, after my father bought his estate in West Egg I was able to take acting classes at the local univeristy
Hey... who are you talking to?
It was there I realized my true passion, horticulture. Did you know that I am able to sustain my life on geraniums alone? Ah, sweet geranium! Giver of life, fire of nature's loin...

 

by carlson
1-22-03
We have been cleaning the bathroom for the past 3 hours
Well, we got 10 minutes to kill until the disinfectant dries.... what do you want to do?
Well, we do have all of that crystal meth left....
2 Minutes later
Blue skies, baby.
Blue skies.
10 Minutes later
I just wrote a sprawling commentary concerning the foreign affairs of Indo-China. I shall call it Terminus Blu
I cured AIDS

 

by carlson
2-02-03
Meet and Greet
Wow, you're really fucking cool. But I heard a rumor I want to ask you about...
Yeah, shoot
End Saturday, Phase 1
Are you really into drugs? I mean... do you got high alot? Are you high right now?
No, definitely not. I would like to say that drugs were a very specific phase in my life, which has now come to an end.
20 Minutes later
Snorting ecstasy is rough, so wash the drip away with this GHB.
Awesome

 

by carlson
3-21-03
Legally insane.
RIIIIIING!!!!
Wow, I'm tripping my balls off..... I'll answer the mystery phone for a wee bit of hilarity!
Hello dear, this is your mother.
This is the most terrifying experience of my life... I will never forget this.
Murder your roommates.
Kay

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