All comics by codfish

 

by codfish
2-05-06
Hello can I help you?
Er...yeah.. I'm....I'm here to fix the roof
Oh F##k it! I forgot to feed the cat

 

by codfish
2-05-06
Are you ok up there?
Can I get you anything?
Ignorant @#!$

 

by codfish
2-05-06
Steal the money then smash her skull to bits...ha ha haa..burn the house down...
Think of what you can do with all that money...ha ha haa..go on DO IT!
Should I wear aftershave?

 

by codfish
2-05-06
Ok listen Joe, when OZZY comes on stage do this with your fingers and point them in the air
Why?
BECAUSE it's the sign of the Devil man, it's what you do man, this is the ROCK MUSIC way maan!
3 Weeks later....

 

by codfish
2-05-06
Your a stranger round here aren't you?
Er, yes I am just visiting my grandmother, which is the quickest way to Daisy Hill Farm ?
aah yes, it's just over the rise, turn left at the police training academy, veer right at the police station and you'll see it opposite the law courts
Do you know where I can purchase an Apple?

 

by codfish
2-05-06
What's going on with my life..why don't girls like me, they always seem to just make fun of me...I'm not ugly...I have money...but...I oh I don't know........sigh....
Why do I have to resort to this...every day, if only I had a girlfriend things would be different....sigh....sigh......
Will you keep your glasses on for me like last time? I like it when you leave them on.
Ok.... but please clean me up after, my mother thought I had an eye infection last time.

 

by codfish
2-05-06
Oh god that dude did me real bad, I gotta get some help, aaoow, ow
oww, help me mister !
Jesus H christ ! who did that to your neck? what happened?
I was playing grand turismo 4 all night, the thing is, I can't seem to work out how he beat me in a subaru...oww

 

by codfish
2-05-06
Wow this S**T is good, I'm a bunny rabbit and I'm wearing a red bra ..cool..that guy knows his acid alright whooo hoo
What the F**k was that !!! oh no not the bad trip time please..please no, I thought I saw a floating ape arm..oh god....
Oh God.. WHAT THE F**K !!! that house has got a RED ROOF and a window with two white lines going down at an angle..oh no man, this stuff is not good, what the f**k am I going to do.....oh GOD...

 

by codfish
2-05-06
Ipswich modern art museum, Ipswich, England.
This is a work by joshua dante from 1967, it is called 'sitting down for one' made from elm and cast iron this work first appeared in in Poland..
45 minutes later
and by representing a void in our lives, the air around the wooden struts is an expression of solitude and harmony, right let's move on.
This is another piece of work by joshua dante

 

by codfish
2-05-06
Can I help you?
er..yes..er I have come to fix the boiler unit
ooohh thank goodness, I think it is the terminal rods from the regulater, although I'm no expert I do believe the problem lies with the vhd auto switch unit, seems to be shorting from the x4y board...

 

by codfish
2-05-06
wow, just think of the huge expanse of space, maybe we are not alone, maybe there is other life like us out there...it's incredible to think abour really...
Darling please ! will you please get out of the f******g airing cupboard, I need a clean pair of underpants for f***ks sake !

 

by codfish
2-05-06
what kind of a holiday is this anyway? I think me and you need a good talk when we get home.
For god's sake this is ayres rock one of the most astounding, awesome features on the planet.
well I'm bored, there is nothing to do in this arid landscape, quite frankly I'm well F**ked off with you!
Oh c'mon Jane, I have something really special planned for tonight anyhow.
Oh really doug! what are we doing, tell me, please pretty please !
Sand dune spotting, I heard someone measured a whopper at 42 feet last week.

 

by codfish
2-05-06
ah haa haaaa ha haa haa haa ha a ha haaaggh ha ha
ahhh ha ha ha haa ha haaa ha a haa ha
ahhh ha haa haa haa ha haa ha haa ha haaaggh ha

 

by codfish
2-05-06
Hey son what ya doin?
Typing
AAAhhh ha haa Ahh Haa haaa HAAA haa ha haa
ahhh Ha haa hAA haa HAAAAgghh

 

by codfish
2-19-06
Spare some change please MR?
er..NO, I have been walking past you for two ******* years! WHY just because you have decided to wear a ******* Dinosaur outfit, do you think I have become MR. Charity all of a sudden?
wowee you have become a creative genius, no longer do you look like a tramp but a DINOSAUR! and now you think I will give you my small change for your creative genius eh MR HOMELESS MAN?
I can change a twenty

 

by codfish
4-06-06
Birmingham High Street..
Excuse me mate, I don't suppose you would happen to know where the charity shops are round ere would ya? I'm looking for the Oxfam shop, right?
heaa ha, welcome, I'm on my way there right now, PAUL GREEN, book collector, naked hooverer, mystic, at your service young fellow, lets go!
2 hours later...
listen Paul, I have had a great time looking round the charity shops with ya, but ..but..oh ok I'll have a coffee with you, but I 'm not gay, just to make that clear alright!
wehhha paah hooah, I am married young man, Homophobia is a curse you know, I'm harmless, they don't call me bluedragonfly for nothing pwaashh ha ha heaay, come on in and let the coffee roll !
Inside P. Greens Domain..
WHAT THE F**K IS THIS ? WHAT IS GOING ON? YOUR BODY?
WWWOHHHAAA ME LADDY ! I am but a LAVA....NOT! yahhaaa now get the hoover out the cupboard I want to show you a few tricks with my 1200 watt Dyson EAHHAWOOAAH

 

by codfish
4-11-06
I am not going to log into the cave...no...no,,I will not..I can do it, it does not own me..I can't stand it anymore...help me please someone..oh no..that Stalag..I ..I..
OMG..what have I done..STALAG..I must forget the cave, forget STALAG..I can pull myself through this..no more hurting myself like this..I can not let it destroy me..

 

by codfish
4-12-06
£379 sales, £69.00 packing matrials, 172 items that did not sell, fees+paypal+rent-sales+postage-shop fees+internet+phone & ...food...-er..-£34..and the watchers..oh god the watchers..er..+gas...el
extchuse thme, but I think your a moaning boring draab ssthon ofh a bitschh! you sshould try being a duck shtuck here in thiss god damn park young man, schreew you and you problemss..
Er..yes that was when the duck started to talk to me in the park, I was just walking along...you know ..working out my ebay fees...you see I sell secondhand books on Ebay Doctor...er..like antiqua..

 

by codfish
5-04-06
ohh dear, it's that man again the one who spent too much time on that ebuy thing, I'd better tell the shop assistant..
There's no rare books or bargains in here - now get the hell out, only betty neels with grubby pages and a few tapes of some out of date 80's crap..ha haaaa - welcome!
excuse me , there is a poor man dressed as a robot at the back of the shop I think he's that man who was in the newspaper who had too many books on that ebuy thing..
I like fishy in a little dishy - with a bit of brown saucy yes indeedy de dee dum de dum de doo
don't forget we have a sale on in the morning - 12 books for 20p - would you like a raffle ticket? bbbooowaaakkaa

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