All comics by dikrok

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by dikrok
3-15-01
Satan, I know that's you.
Ah, damn!

 

by dikrok
3-15-01
Since the dawn of time, Man has paved the way for brilliance...
But one day, it was not a man who wanted to be brilliant!
I will be brilliant! I will invent! The world will love me!
I will not let you!
It was a very tense situation...
Oh yeah?
Jiiiiiiiiive.

 

by dikrok
3-15-01
Girl you have got to be tired...
Because I've been running through your head all day, right?
No, not at all.
Well then, why?
Because I'd really like to sleep with you.
Oh my!

 

by dikrok
3-15-01
Five minutes on this site and every comic I see has an "all your base" reference.
This should end the pain of unoriginality.
NOOOOOOOO! I couldn't save you! God, I have failed!

 

by dikrok
3-15-01
Been on this island a damn long time.
I could fuck Helen Hunt.
"Mr. Old Man! You really are Tom Hanks!" ... Why thank you, little arm.

 

by dikrok
3-15-01
I THE CUTEST SQUIRREL IN THE IMAGE GALLERY! I WEAR DIAPER! YOU DIE NOW!
BRING IT ON!!!
uh.... what the..? you're not a squirrel.
AAAAAIGH! MOTHER OF SHIT!!! FUKKIN'!!! AAAAAIIIIGGGHH!!!!
Gotcha.

 

by dikrok
3-15-01
BRARGH, LITTLE GIRL! I AM RED MONSTER! BLAAARRRGGHH!!!
Yeah, but which is scarier? Your pixelated red mug, or my gigantic, dopey, disproportionate head?
I've been a bad man...

 

by dikrok
3-15-01
Oh tragedy upon tragedies, my fair Queen Lilian hath cast me from her kingdom...
Hey you're the one that grabbed her ass.
Don't provoke me, alright, I know how to use this.
...

 

by dikrok
3-16-01
Fond Memories
LOOK AT THIS HELL MESS!
I throw you into door now. Me stand next to hamsters, yet not notice for many more months.
He pay $100 a night like hotel! I turn red and lose comprehension of reality and sanity! Bittered by life, I is! Call police if still here! Vagrancy!

 

by dikrok
3-16-01
After being kicked out of highschool, I spent my life on the metro for a couple weeks. I discovered happiness.
I was convinced that I could change the world for the better. I knew that I was an example of what it meant to be free...
HERE I AM!
What the hell was that???

 

by dikrok
3-17-01
Together at last.

 

by dikrok
3-17-01
Thoughts are transmitted on frequencies...
...so how long until that frequency is deciphered and infiltrated?
Oh...my....god...
HA HA HA HA HA!!!
I need my victory gin...

 

by dikrok
3-17-01
You ever wonder why they never let livestock fly coach?
No, but I think we're experiencing the answer.
Really? But we don't seem to be in any danger.
That's the whole point. If the humans saw how incredibley stable we could maintain our bodies in a roofless, crashing airplane, they'd be really pissed off that we were more advanced than them.
Nice weather then, eh?
Oh yeah, you betcha.

 

by dikrok
3-23-01
Donkeys and explosives don't mix.
As demonstrated by the fact that I will kick your ass.
WOW! TV IS AAAAAWWWEEESOOOME!!!

 

by dikrok
5-28-01
GO FORTH AND SPREAD THE GOOD WORD OF TASTE!
You command I obey.
You should listen to Failure, Jawbox, Salt, and Hum!
Were only my ears footless, I would love to!
You should listen to Burning Airlines, Shiner, the Dismemberment Plan, Juno, and Soul Coughing!
MY GOD! You're right!!! ...And I can fly!!!

 

by dikrok
6-27-04
Every now and then I get a turn around!
Every now and then I fall apart!
So THAT'S where you went!
And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for your liberal bias?

 

by dikrok
6-27-04
Cut carbs because eating fruit causes obesity!
You don't say.
What are you doing! You clearly have an erection from that filth you were watching on television! I will show you what having an erection is all about! Now watch as I fly away!
Holy.

 

by dikrok
6-27-04
Do you see two elephants or a vase?
True
Love!
It was a trick question! In fact, it was a death trap!
Some times, it's just not worth canibalizing your family in the morning.
Hey, that's your life choice, pal, leave me out of it.

 

by dikrok
6-27-04
Hey Combos Pizza Flavor, what you got in the bag?
It's my collection of vintage missiles straight to your door.
In just thirteen easy instalments of nineteen ninety five?
But like all good things, this thing could not last because something else happened which left us with an entirely different sort of thing. . .
The more the merriar, Miriam Webster dictionary?
Maybe it's Mariam? I dunno, pal, you're on your own.

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
As Night Approaches and Encroaches...
With the proper timing, I just might be able to sneak past the guards...
Hold it right there, Sanderson! I'm on to you!
Drat !
And I just wanted to know.... would you like to have dinner with me tonight?
Why Millie Cussing, you are just full of surprises! OF COURSE I WILL GO OUT WITH YOU!

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
SANDERSON! I WANT YOU IN MY OFFICE RIGHT NOW!
Aw jeezuz, what is it now...
I'M MAKING A TRIP TO TACO BELL! IS THERE ANYTHING I COULD GET YOU WHILE I'M THERE HOW ABOUT YOU'RE FIRED TO GO!
But Mister Pulerko, I was just starting to lay thousands of eggs, how will I ever support my children?!
OUT OF MY OFFICE I SAID, AND TAKE YOUR FETUSES WITH YOU!
No thanks, you can just use them for stem cell research. Oh man, if only I could really tell him that!

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
Hey Sweety, how was work?
Oh Millie, it's terrible! I was fired!
No wonder you reak of alchohol. You've been out drinking again, haven't you, Sanderson?
No, darling, it's not what you think! The chemicals of my body are fermenting into something much like alchohol because I am pregnant with your babies! It's why I was fired!
Alright honey, I believe you. Then it is time to reveal my master plan: in forty-eight hours, I will unleash a deat ray upon all the world.
It is what they deserve for standing in the way of love.

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
Attention citizens of earth! My name is Millie Cussing! Surrender your planet by voluntarilly ending your lives or I will use the death ray to do it for you!
This death ray could be just what I need to return to a normal human being.
Which would admittedly suck because I rather enjoy being able to use my powers to enslave people as my ice-warriors... march my lovelies!
Perhaps I could speak to this Millie Cussing and negotiate a pact between us.

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
MEANWHILE, A THOUSAND YEARS IN THE PAST, THE WHITE HOUSE WAS ACTUALLY VISIBLE AND NOT OBSCURED BY UGLY JUNK PILED IN FRONT OF IT IN RESPONSE TO THE "THREAT OF TERROR"!
And this shit piled up...
Until what was once a tourist spot open to the public came to resemble a condemned slum!
They say something called the president has been seen in that building!
There's no way you'd ever get me into a hole like that!

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
Bdonk-a-donk!
Too much junk in the trunk?
Hello who is speaking how did you get this unlisted number?!
Yes my name is Csetop Cmaelon, and I was wondering if I might buy that death ray off you.
What do you think I am a death ray store is there a sign on my front lawn that says dead death ray sales storage? No because I love my wife, nigger!
Millie dear, come to bed, we've both had a long day.

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
Denied a partnership with the revenge-struck Millie Cussing, Csetop Cmaelon contemplates his options...
There is precious little time, thankfully this jetpack will get me past the cops unnoticed...
But it was not the police with whom Csetop Cmaelon need feel concerned!
Aw shitbag.
Hold it right there slick.
And so the stickman guy, whose true identity is to be revealed at a later time, smashed the frozen Csetop Cmaelon into icy bits...
SMASHING!
That ought to teach you to have a jet pack in MY town!

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
Well, this is the day. We must gear up our death ray machine.
Oh but Millie, just five more minutes in bed? I did not think I covered your genitals in enough of my fertilized ovulation, which continually spills out from my insect crotch-hole.
Sanderson, darling, I need my energy for todays assignment. You have no idea how hard that lever is to pull, and then pushing that button afterwards: quite a task!
Millie, my love, you have no idea how hard it is to live without tasting the juice of your loins, all the while knowing that I am coating you in body substances of my own.
Look at it, Sanderson, pretty soon it will be all ours to defile with reproductive substances as we see fit.
Millie Augustus Cussing, I'm starting to feel so distant from you...

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
THE DEATH RAY RAINS DOWN!
people are running, futilely, for their lives!
no i ain't
PSHOOO!
K-THOOOOOOM!

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
As the apocalypso dawnz. . .
Well, Planktonator, it looks like this could be it. Let the Good Lord deal with us in fairness for our sins.
Are you sure that death ray isn't just for humans? Cause I mean... maybe it's just gonna be you, in which case could you open my door?
Planky! That's no way to send off a life long friend!
Well neither is leaving me locked up in here to starve to death when I'm perfectly capable of fending for myself, more or less.
PIKLOOWAA!
Ah, cumfuck.

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
Somewhere in space, in front of a curtain, behind which is the planet Earth. . .
Sanderson-Cussing, I present to you, the world as you deserve it to be...
Well Maple Syrup, I'm standing in front of the white house, which to this point remains unscathed. Clearly the death ray is working progressively, not simultaneously...
Suddenly. . .
we will
never forget

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
Millie Cussing! This ends now!
How did you get in here!
Because I was none other than...
Holy Hannah!
...Combos Pizza Flavor!
You twisted fuck, what are you trying to do?!

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
Now you listen to me and you listen to me here... I'm only gonna say this once: I fuck you.
Absolutely not.
I meant to say I fucking hate you, and now I'm not sure I should have repeated what I said because in my mind I said what I meant so say...
...but I had to restate what I said even though I said I would only say it once. Oh well, I've never been an honest man...
And you'd know all about that, now WOULDN'T you, Millie Cussing?
Now you listen to me, Combos, you speak so much of one word of this to my wife and I'll kill you where you stand. I haven't been involved with any of that for years now...

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
Face it, Mildred, you thought you could leave your past in the past, but the past has passed you fast at half mast.
You thought you could forget about your old pals, Chino, Manga, Tomboy and the gang.
But I've got news for you pal, things ain't so simple. See as the boss put it, your testicles need to catch up on some quality time with a steam roller.
A thousand times: I am not interested in converting to Scientology!
Oh, you'll regret this, Cussing, you'll regret this reeeal soon.

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
Last chance, Cuisine, if the boss hears you've let him down again, he's gonna double check to make sure that you have no pulse by cramming his tongue so far up your ass that it swabs your heart.
The only ass getting tongued around here, Pal, is MINE, and also MILLIES, but that's only to be done by us to eachother in a loving way.
Where did. . ?
Now how do you feel about having your lungs pulled out through your throat by the vaccuum of space? I though it sounded like a good option for you, too.
Crazy bitch, I never even told her what I thought about it, which is this: It would be okay, since at least I got to have sex in my lifetime with somebody I was not related to... closely.

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
Threaten me all you like, but we both know that you are incapable of harming me, bound to the other side of the panel!
Not SO!
Oh!
FOR I HAVE NOW SWITCHED SIDES WITH YOU!

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
That is quite a powerful trick, but I have tricks of my own!
With but a gesture, Combos
MILLIE!!!
Pizza flavor sets one of his rockets into motion...
Sanderson. . . forgive me. . !

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
And now to dismantle that death ray, once and for all!
No! You've destroyed more than your share, communist!
PIZZAPPé
You are teleported to the scorched earth thru the eyes of a ruby eye! For some reason, Smashing Pumpkins references keep getting made!
What?! Now I have been set back hours! I might not accomplish my goal!
I'd say that you have more to worry about than goals, murderer. . .

 

by dikrok
6-28-04
Millie! Millie I. . . I don't know if there's anything I can do. . . you're so badly hurt, oh Millie, what ever will I do?!!?!!
Sanderson. . . I'm sorry, I never meant for you to find out. . . about my past. . .
No..! Sweetheart, don't say that! Don't be ashamed, you earned my love, no Scientologist mafia could ever take that away fro you... but they... now they've taken you away from me..!
Sanderson... hold me...
Three minutes later...
*weep, weep, weep* *soooooooooobbbbbb*
Here lies Mildred Augustus. Though he never swore, he was always Cussing.

 

by dikrok
6-29-04
You--! But I destroyed you with a hammer!
It's not so simple, you see, for I get my power from my hair, which is connected on the spiritual plane to your beard...
And so as long as you live, I will keep coming back. However, your time for that is not long...
This is not that last of me, actually it is.
As you recall there is a death ray targetting earth, to which I, Csetop Cmaelon, am immune.

 

by dikrok
6-29-04
Sanderson! But you were fired! What are you doing here!!!
The man I love is dead because of what you've done, Mister Pulerko. I'm here to make sure my beloved Millie's death ray claims exactly the right victims.
YAAAWWWWGGGH!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS SANDERSON!
Why Mister Pulerko, obviously I have hollowed out a space in your chest where I have deposited the remainder of my eggs. I don't want my babies to starve when they first awaken, do I?
You.... sluhtt... It'snotmy... fault...you...gotknockedup
Oh, but it is, Mister Pulerko, it is. Okay no you're right it isn't, but I did have a crush on you when I started working here. But guess what? I got over it. Have fun dying, bastard.

 

by dikrok
6-29-04
Well, in just a few moments, the last of earths humans will have been claimed by Millies death ray, I guess it's about time to gear it down...
I am the death ray controls.
I dunno what the big fuss is, these people have known they were doomed for quite some time now.
With Combos dead... the radiation from the death ray is affecting me... now...
At last! I am a real boy!

 

by dikrok
6-29-04
Watch where you point that thing.
How about I watch where YOU point that thing, and you point it upward into your colon.
Please?
In loveing memory of Justain Getky. 24/7 we will sometimes remember. Where have all the cowboys gone? Clearly, to Nation on fag pants night.
Don't say another word.
So... that's a yes?

 

by dikrok
6-29-04
Outta my way.
Fine, screw you, I'll get up speed and jump over you.
Hey jackass! I didn't complete the Cheese Bridge Area for this kind of treatment!

 

by dikrok
6-29-04
It's nice to be back home but, so lonely... no one to share it with...
thump
What was that!? Who's there???
Show yourself or I'll release a poison gas from my throat!
Fine fine, no need to get snappy, here I am. This is the house of Sanderson-Cussing, right?

 

by dikrok
6-29-04
What do you want from me?! Haven't I been through enough?! I'm mourning the loss of the man dearest to me!
Sanderson-Cussing, I wish you no ill-will. In fact, I came here today to tell you that your adventures are NOT over. You have only started to experience all the joys this life has in store for you.
I'm sorry, but I'm not quite feeling up to any more adventures now...
Sandersoncussing, you do not necessarilly have to persue the adventure for the adventure to find and involve you.
What are you saying, who are you?!
Your faery god mother of course!

 

by dikrok
6-29-04
If you're my fairy god mother, where have you been lately?! This world is so empty to me...
Sanderson, child, you are normally filled with love. This time will pass and you will again know how to share that love.
Millie Cussing will always be a part of you, and the hundreds of children whose eggs you've dissemenated throughout the world will live on in his memory.
But here, don't take my word for it...
MILLIE!
Sanderson. Don't be sad. I'm alright. And how long do bugs live anyway, what, a couple months? We'll be with eachother again, don't you worry your pretty little heart.

 

by dikrok
7-03-04
Csetop Cmaelon Contemplates...
Hrmmm, well, that death ray drama seems to have wound down. And it's left me as the last existing human being on earth.
G'dafternune dere suh. Mightchya happen ta know where's a fellas can gets himself a nice steak in these wee hours?
Every human being but me is dead. No restaurants are going to be open.
Cook a fella a steak, then, will ya? Ya see I haven't got no arms, just five legs with wheels on 'em.
Who are you, and how did you know the secret phrase of the Circle of Elite Manateezorz?
Csetop Cmaelon, I, Agent 68, Stegrat, bring you a new mission from central command.

 

by dikrok
7-03-04
Oh, Millie, it was great seeing you again!
See, it's like I told you Sanderson, you don't need to worry about anything. There is no afterlife.
You see Sanderson, it is a bright new day. Why don't you start up an improv theater troupe?
Is that my next adventure, fairy gourdmouther?
Check out some nice hooters over there. Get it it was really some owl.

 

by dikrok
7-05-04
Where are you taking me fairey godmosther?
Let's see.
A NEW CAR!
That isn't true. Tell me what's going on. Like in that Eels song.
Okay, it was actually a diversion. I had to get you away from your house because right now there are some people hunting for you. They have a grudge to settle with Millie. You are now his legacy.

 

by dikrok
7-05-04
Last time...
You should be safe in this paper bag. I must go now Sanderson, but I will always be with you in spirit.
But I have so many questions, right?
Previously...
Sanderson-Cussing was RIGHT here! Where is that bug!
Your a bug.
These are the bad guys hunting for Sanderson, BTW. Worry.
Listen, this is no time for bad grammar.
More like this IS a time for bad grammar, and your 2 stupid to know it.

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