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| "We now return you to 'On the Record' with Greta Van Susteren, who has the latest news on Jacko..." | |
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| "Even though Michael Jackson was acquitted of chid molestation, his legal woes continue. Today, one of his bodyguards was arrested today at a local beach..." | |
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| "Seems, the bodyguard beat up a woman after she said to Jackson, 'You're in my son!' In other news, Tom Cruise murders Brooke Shields, and Paris Hilton is still famous for some stupid reason..." | |
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| You know what I could go for? Some beef jerky! Yummy!! | |
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